The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

[LoserNoMore]

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1726699-Last-train-to-Loserville-Part-2

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

Sorry to hear your manager wasn't helpful LNM, what a silly bitch At least they're advertising for help, maybe one day soon things will get easier? In the meantime is there any way you could start looking for something else?

Obviously I've no idea what kind of job it is or what the job market is like where you are but surely there must be someone somewhere who would appreciate you, your conscientious approach and the long hours you put in??

(If you need a proofreader / someone to help you brush up your CV and don't have anyone in RL I'd be happy to help) xx

Oh :(.

I am not very good at not doing well/ failing but a situation like this relies heavily on abusing that sort of attitude. I think you need to find a strategy for coping or a new job

Coping meant coping with unreasonable demands NOT meeting those demands

Happy belated birthday, LNM . It sounds like you had a good time, what little you can remember . It's amazing how ditching cheating bastard's can affect us - I also remembered nothing but waking up in bed after a particularly heavy session with a bunch of girlfriends doing a Greek evening (can't even think about Ouzo without wanting to chuck, four years on!).

Next time the Twunt asks about your social life, IGNORE, IGNORE IGNORE. That will make him hurt and bewildered far more than saying owt. Aren't they pathetic, humph.

As for losing 12lbs. I really want to say yeeeeeeeeeeeeeey, well done, assuming you needed to. I lost stone and a half courtesy of mine and the only time I ever asked him to pass on a message to his (ex) mistress, was to thank her for helping me lost 15.5 stone of bulk - him plus the 1.5 stone I'd lost.

So sorry to hear about work, I absolutely sympathise. One day at a time, keep checking for summat else and please take these hugs - they are recycled from friends of mine since I've outgrown them now.

In the time to come when you outgrown them (and you will), you can then pass on to someone who needs them.

Look after yourself.

I think it might be a good idea to consider a new job - your Manager certainly needs one! If you can't see anything locally, maybe send your CV to a few places- you'd be amazed what might happen. Don't skip lunch and breaks at work, you're legally entitled to them. You've also lost significant weight in a short space of time. You need to look after you, for yourself as well as dds.

I don't mean to nag, I just think you absolutely deserve better and your employers are taking advantage of you. Nobody dealt with those e-mails because they knew you'd skip lunch in order to do it. You have more than enough bastards in your life with ex!

I've been searching every day for a job. I know I hate this one badly but the only good thing is weekends off. It's really getting me down. I feel so stressed with it. I know if they get help in I'll be left to train them, they really are a bunch of arseholes to work for. I can't even enjoy evenings, I'm constantly worried and anxious about it. Hopefully another job will come up soon. I have so much running around my head, between ex and this job it's driving me mad. Then I'm snapping at the girls because I'm on edge, it's no good. :(

It's time to move then, LNM. When you start bringing your work anxiety home, it's time to move. What are your options, do you think?

Your manager is a bitch! Keeping fingers crossed that something new and better comes along to you soon. You really do have everything coming at you from all angles

I don't have any other options LittleEsme, I can't quit, going on benefits isn't an option for me.

So sorry you've had a crap day at work. What a cow your boss is. Hope you find something else soon, where they actually appreciate you.

you wouldn't get benefits if you quit anyway.

there needs to be a plan of how draw boundaries at work and learn to say no/can't do that/i don't have time to do x,y and z or something. it is unreasonable to pile more work at you than is doable.

if your line manager really is being totally uncooperative then who do you go to? do you know who is the person to go next?

Sorry - should have explained myself a bit better. In terms of work - what would your options be? Are there similar areas of your expertise close by?

Again, not sure what your exact work circumstances are, but could you start putting feelers out for something else?

Is there anybody above your manager that you could go to for help? It's out of order for her to snap at you after you told her what happened. Or you could get signed off again but that won't help in the long run if nobody does your work in your absence :(

Can you take some natural medication to help you relax? Kalms or Rescue Remedy? Try and switch off when you get home. Hang up work with your coat and don't pick it up again til the morning.

LNM. I've just been through a very stressy time at work. I was feeling sick, heart palpitations, never switching off and tbh was going to just walk away (sole earner with mortgage that needs paying so not really a viable option but desperate)

I agree with SAF (as I seem to a lot lately) about boundaries. Your employers have none. They are stomping all over normal boundaries of workload/decency/respect and dignity at work. Unfortunately it will be down to you to either erect boundaries or cope with the consequence which might mean walking away (not viable as it isn't for me)

I have forced a boundary for me. Unpleasant because I felt I was tarred with being difficult (v v v unfair considering the work I've done for them) and difficult for me to do because I'm a pleaser. It's actually been really good. I'm sleeping again. Tonight I left work 15 mins early instead of 30 mins late. I didn't bring work home. I will still be doing overtime until staffing situation is resolved but there is a plan and I feel I have made it clear where my responsibilities end.

I have done a lot of reading up about conflict resolution and other related topics in order to arm myself in meetings with managers

You need to be strong to deal with a divorce and maintain sanity so that you can be the stable parent (cause the other one sure as hell is not). You need to have controlled work stress in order that your energies are focused on family and you

Work is ok. A job I love, and a sideline that is coming through. I don't earn enough but it is more than reasonable. I do not want to chnsge job no, it has taken more guts than you can ever know to even go throu th sale tie processes. You want to IMO something funny though. I was second choice. Their first choice quit after after two days! It can be a bit challenging :).

Does not stop me feeling second rate all rough though.

I think you maybe need to ask for a meeting at which you can illustrate the size of your workload and how impossible it is, maybe? I don't know, but there are some fab employment lawyers on MN offering their advice free gratis, so maybe post there and ask? If anyone deserves a bit of understanding at work it's you. Your boss sounds horrible.

It appears I managed to answer wrong question on the wrong thread! So sorry lnm. I have been reading yours and am absolutely in awe. You are fab and you and your girls will be fine nd dandy. Take care.

I was too polite to write 'Does anyone else know what. Fuckitybollocks is saying' but thought it!

i was confused also

the other day i replied on a post i was on (i swear i was on the right thread) but it appeared on the one i'd been looking at previously

lnm i think it is going to come to having to be assertive and outlay your concerns and the ways in which your workload is unreasonable, that you are glad that they are looking for help but that in the short term there needs to be a strategy as the situation is untenable and impacting on your health through stress. say you would prefer to be able to resolve this amicably in house not to have to join a union and deal with this through official channels but the situation is such you will have no choice but to do the latter if the former is not achieved.

i know it's hard but you do have rights and they are taking the piss and they do have to act if you assert yourself effectively and put up that boundary.

Have a look at your contract LNM and see exactly what your job entails. I used to go above and beyond because I didn't want to let anyone down. I took on more responsibility than I was paid for. When I realised it was a one-way street I made it very clear that I would work during my hours and no more. I wouldn't miss breaks/lunch etc. I wouldn't take work home or buy resources from my own money. It's amazing - once I'd got that clear they stopped taking the piss. Every now and again I'd go the extra mile, but on my terms.

I think it's pretty common these days for bosses to expect staff to carry more workload than they can really manage. It's a terrible practice, bad for everyone involved, including the client and it's how mistakes gets made. I can't wait for this culture to change and I do believe change will happen if the workers speak out and stand up to bosses who demand too much. Rebel, me

We had staff shortages, as do most workplaces it seems (although not sure how this can happen with all the unemployment out there). Anyway, the bosses asked everyone to put in extra hours to cover although no-one wanted to, everyone agreed. Except me. I said no thank you. They said, we'll pay you and I said no I don't want more hours. Then they threatened, if you don't do it someone else will have to and I said, fine.

Within a fortnight they had hired extra staff to cover the work. So really it just boils down to cost cutting and if you refuse to be taken advantage of, they will find another way to without putting all the responsibility and stress on you.

I agree Fairenuff. I had a breakdown (not work related) in 1999. My GP wanted to sign me off indefinitely but I felt I needed to continue part-time. Work were supportive. However, when I needed time off for ante-natal appointments later that year & in 2000, they complained that, although I was back working full-time, they'd bent over backwards for me & I was taking advantage! I've missed out some relevant factors but we were on the point of an industrial tribunal when they finally backed down and realised just how much I'd been doing. They had all sorts of problems when I left after having dd

just saying hi and i hope you're ok lnm. stress is awful. hope you can find some ways to relax x

oops i just left you a kiss! habit sorry.

LNM. Hope all is ok