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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

The train has departed Loserville - Next stop Happy Town.

996 replies

LoserNoMore · 23/04/2013 19:06

Just went to post on my other thread but it's full already!

I'll attempt to link it but I'm on my phone so probably won't work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1726699-Last-train-to-Loserville-Part-2

Excuse the cheesy title, my brain won't work. Just going to read last few replies on old thread.

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 26/04/2013 12:25

thanks, that's encouraging lazarus. i can't really see any way out of us being relatively skint at the minute. i'm actually at the point where i'd sell my soul for a big salary and would requalify as anything virtually that would see me earn a decent living.

well almost anything - i used to be a teacher and going back to the classroom is one thing i'm not prepared to do.

imtheonlyone · 26/04/2013 12:44

Well you all sound like you're having a lovely day! I need a day at home to sort my house it is the biggest shit tip you've ever seen!!! My feet haven't touched the ground this week I've been that busy. And no one else has done the washing/cleaning/ironing etc WinkShock

LNM - how are you today? Noticed you've not posted yet. Hope all is ok x

swallowedAfly · 26/04/2013 12:50

we need house elves.

lazarusb · 26/04/2013 13:25

Oh! For a house elf - more Dobby than Kreacher for me please!
Honestly, in 1995 I never thought I'd be half as happy as I am now. I didn't think it was possible and I believed my life was pretty much over. But then I realised I wasn't prepared to let that bastard get the better of me Grin It took a long time and I certainly haven't done it on my own, but having a 5 year old with a terrible father, no home, no money really spurred me on!

We are all stronger than we think when push comes to shove!

imtheonlyone · 26/04/2013 13:41

If I won the lottery, I would defo pay for someone to do my washing, cleaning, ironing and general tidying up!!!! Got to be worth every penny Wink

PyroclasticFlo · 26/04/2013 14:51

I'm the same SAF, I daydream about winning the lottery, giving my friends money to get on the housing ladder / pay off mortgages and then buying great big places in Cornwall / Tuscany / The Alps where we can all go on holiday and live like kings Grin, then there's the charitable foundations I'll set up, the holistic retreat that would be free one week a month for single mums / carers / people living with cancer / children with disabilities.... The list goes on! Nice things to think about, I hope one day it comes true - you ladies can come to my holiday house Grin

Right, the house is tidy and Ds2 has finally done two poos on the potty so that counts as a triumphant day in my book! Off to do the school run.

Have a good evening everyone, I hope you're Ok LNM xx

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 26/04/2013 15:18

Well, Lazarus, I'm 51 (had to pause and count it up there).
Lottery would definitely go for some all housekeeping chores right off the bat. I would also like to make a big donation to the local food bank.

I'm not a single mom, been married (to the same guy Wink) 23 years. He is a workaholic, though, so I get the emotional abandonment part. Sad My ds is 20, dd-18, and dear daughter two is 5, all at home. So I'll be 64? when I might have an empty nest. I'm really not sure how I feel about that Wink.

LNM, I hope that you have a nice weekend and that your girls will be able to see their dad with smooth transitions. Perhaps a better chance of winning the lottery, I know. Sad

pmgkt · 26/04/2013 15:47

I think lnm had the solicitors today. That might help with some plans for money and access and show that she is serious about moving on.

Loulybelle · 26/04/2013 16:08

If i won the lottery, me and DD would be in OZ quick time, and i'd have a younger trophy lover. but thats just me.

Btw, i frigging love Pat Benatar, awesome music.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 26/04/2013 17:05

Hi, yes I had the solicitors today. Went all the way into town, sat waiting for 45 minutes only to be told he was running late and could I reschedule for next week. Grr, had to indulge in some retail therapy after that.

Ex replied to email with 'I'm sorry, what can I say?, I was backed into a corner. I'm sure you don't want to know all the details but it couldn't be helped',

OP posts:
swallowedAfly · 26/04/2013 17:14

it could have been helped by prioritising his daughters. god does he think that it's acceptable if you don't bother to pick the girls up from school if it 'can't be helped'? saddens me that men seem so often to have so little idea of what being a parent means Sad

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 26/04/2013 17:15

What a prick Angry

swallowedAfly · 26/04/2013 17:15

parenting means it HAS to be helped doesn't it? it's the line in the sand that can't be crossed no matter what else might seem important. you have to be a parent.

or is that just the rules of the game for mothers???

Loulybelle · 26/04/2013 17:19

Response "Perhaps grow up and put the girls first, its not hard"

swallowedAfly · 26/04/2013 17:21

response, "so if i piss off out and leave the girls on their own unparented tonight that'll be ok if it 'can't be helped' then will it? grow up and be a parent"

lazarusb · 26/04/2013 17:22

Angry He really is a poor excuse for a man. Maybe he should let his dds push him into a corner instead next time.

Loolybelle - I think you made a typo - you wrote one trophy lover...have a few, they can have a rota Wink

Loulybelle · 26/04/2013 17:22

Wow, what a little cowardly bastard he is, didnt even have the guts to mutter an apology, hope he gets cock rot, prioritising sex over his own children.

Loulybelle · 26/04/2013 17:23

Ahhhhh yeah Lazarus, why have one, i could have 7 and not get bored.

imtheonlyone · 26/04/2013 17:36

'Can't be helped' what a pathetic excuse!! 'Backed into a corner'.

Nice to know where his priorities lie. Perhaps you need to tell him that and also where, as their father, you expect them to be!!! What a joke!!! Men do it because they know us mums will pick up the pieces. Why they think its ok to pick and choose when they see them is beyond me! His loss I guess. Re-emphasise how much they look forward to spending time with him and how upsetting it is when plans change?

How frustrating re solicitor. Is it one you've used before? Wonder I'd it's worth seeing a few so that you can pick the one you feel most comfortable with?

Areyoumadorisitme · 26/04/2013 17:42

Wildly speculating, I just wonder if he was taking OW to doctors to see about an abortion? That is about the only thing that 'couldn't be helped' I'd say. although obviously it could have been avoided

I would have said no to the solicitor, you'd wait. Blinking annoying.

Original poster
LoserNoMore · 26/04/2013 17:43

Notice how he didn't mention actually seeing them again. I give up.

Imtheonlyone, I have used the solicitor before and I like him so I think I'll just stick with him. He called me earlier to apologise for today.

Where's the wine?!

OP posts:
Loulybelle · 26/04/2013 17:45

LNM, i'd cut off contact and only interact when he asks about the children, you shouldnt be the one maintaining his contact with them, my ex never calls my DD, and i dont see why i should call him, he obviously dont care.

swallowedAfly · 26/04/2013 17:50

you do need a glass lnm. what an arsehole. that email is self pity isn't it? and actually re-reading it it's also an expectation that you are meant to feel sorry for him! unbelievable.

i'd reply saying that he hasn't said what arrangement he wants with parenting so shall you assume every other fri-sun and every wednesday night from school, overnight and take them in thursday as that is the standard agreement most people seem to go with? then remind him he it is his weekend to have them this weekend so you do hope he's made plans.

what a bloody arse!

JaxTellerIsAllMine · 26/04/2013 17:54

absolutely disgusting behaviour! Cant be helped my fat arse. Angry

LNM - no, no no. You have done all you can to maintain a relationship with him and his daughters. Sad No more contact.

Im sorry he is such a shit husband and Dad. Hero to zero in 2 weeks! Its a friggin record.

Sometimes solicitors get called to court or a legal battle that cant be helped, v short notice for them. Glad he called to apologise.

I prescribe wine and something nice for dinner. And some fun stuff over the weekend to do.

tightfortime · 26/04/2013 18:01

Lnm, as always I applaud your dignity but really, I'd be getting a tad bitchy myself at this stage.

It's always mummy who has to keep the show on the road, you know that but he needs reminding that corner or not, kids cannot be let down at such short notice.

My 'amazing father' STBXH needed reminding this week that fantastic and all as it was not to have him stalking me anymore, he as done feck all to help find a new minder for our DC, take holidays to cover her school break or anything extra to help and yet bleats about not seeing her, wanting her more etc...

Give an inch as they'll leave it all to you.

Time for a snarl girl xx