My husband had an affair 5 years ago. He has not been 'in love' with me since. I have really struggled, living with the man you love who does not feel the same way is soul destroying. We have two teenage children so at least we have been together with them. He would continue like this although he is not happy. He says he does not really know what he wants. At the weekend I told him I did not want to live with someone who dies not feel the same way about me. He says he loves me but cannot remember when he was in ,I've with me. He has a neurological issue which affects his memory especially biographical memory and that really does not help.
We are currently hiding the fact that one of us sleeps on the sofa from the children. I can't do that anymore as I have hurt my back. He has not done anything about finding somewhere to live. He does not really want to I don't think. He does not have someone else now, he hasn't for a long while so would prefer us to live together, us being all of us. I think he thinks I will capitulate and he will be able to stay with us for longer.
This is so very very hard. I am crying at times, not when the children are around, he hugs me. He hates seeing me upset. He says he loves me, cares for me. When he had his girlfriend he experienced that infatuated soul mate type relationship. Of course a wife of 30 years cannot match that. He does not value that total love and loyalty that comes with time and family. He says he does not think about me and look forward to seeing me. I know he would stay if he could, he does not really want to have all the hassle if finding somewhere to live etc and he does want to be with children. I am so lonely. Being friends sleeping together (he does not want sex with me often at all) is so souk destroying. I don't blame him for not wanting me, I smell of fags and he hates that, I have always smoked but the smell of me has become really horrid for him and I understand tht. I quit for nearly three months last year and am gearing up to try again. When I didn't smoke he did not want me more though.
This situation can't continue. One child is gearing up for his gcses next month. I do not want children to see this train wreck. I feel so pathetic and selfish messing things up because it is hard living with someone who is not in love with me. Until this crisis he has not told me he loves me at all for months. Valentines day for the first time was just a card. I had chosen a present or him. Two actually although one was not delivered in time.
When he has affair I did not cope. I was very depressed and ended up unable to work. I know I will not do that this time (although am off suck fir a few days while this back pain dies down). He does not respect me, I have behaved badly and been very weal and feeble. Not now though. I am never going into that depression again. I am very unhappy but not depressed and there us a big difference. He might be depressed though. He certainly feels as though there is little point o life.
I am not sure why I am writing this. What if anything anyone can say. I just feel so alone and a bit scared.
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Relationships
Thirty years
fuckitybollocks · 16/04/2013 06:23
OK, lots of things are going to happen for the first time; you deeply regret contacting him, so turn that into something positive that you've learned. Next time you feel like contacting him, remember the deep regret you feel now, and don't do it.
Agatha is right, you can google "how to" anything, I just did it for removing bathroom tiles and you can do it with a paint stripper and a hammer.
I did mean it that I would come and help if you're not too far away, and I have access to a LOT of tools! PM me roughly where you are, or say on here and you might get a team. I'll bring wine and fags too!
You will cope, and you do know what to do, it's just early days and you can't think straight yet - but you will.
[puff]
Absolutely, this is your grumbling space, bring it on!
He probably thinks he has put enough effort in. He seems to think you should put up with his negative, grudging attitude, and be grateful for the odd smidgen of niceness and an occasional hug.
It's particularly easy to be negative after such a long relationship, but it really isn't you, it's his mindset and he'd be the same with anyone else.
Try and get some nice things planned for yourself and tell us about them 
at cjel he must have been very dangerous. Life can be hard enough without enduring that sort of punishment. Well done getting away.
Glad you're less sad, and great that things are moving on with the shower. Chipping off tiles is hard work but worth it when you see the lovely new ones go up. I quite enjoy tiling until I get to a tricky bit .
Is that the friend with divided loyalties, the one whose internet he was using? If so, I'm not surprised that she hasn't contacted you. She seems to have another agenda entirely.
cjel you are more than lovely how do you do it with all that hideous stuff in your past to contend with?
FB sooo pleased you're sadness is receding. Stripping tiles is hard, dusty work but very cathartic. My absolute favourite though is proper demolition, have you got any walls you need knocking down?
Excellent news about the shower, and the way it's been dealt with. Now, don't start feeling massively grateful to H, he's only doing what he should do, contributing to the maintenance of his children's home. V. glad he is doing it though.
It's completely normal to be fed up when a friend doesn't offer the support you expected. She doesn't really sound like a friend at all, her behaviour has been all wrong.
Now then... HAPPY BIRTHDAY ! ! !
[bear
How about a new birthday name?
Bugger, your sadness.
And sorry I fucked up your second
Happy birthday. I think you should treat yourself to a present from yourself, and also and .
Hapy Birthday to you Happy Birthday to you Happy Birthday dear FB, Happy Birthday to you..
Thanks for all your kind words bewitched, Truth be told I have a very strong christian faith and God has helped me through
It doesn't alter the hurt though!! Also had someone tell me yesterday who knows OW that she is really nice
- How can she be when her h did it to her then she has done it to another family!!!
FB people told me that you find out who your friends are and its sooo true, another layer of hurt to deal with but i find it best to think thats life and accept what you do get from them not what you would have liked?
And no I don't think its you being needy - any true friend would have text at least every couple of days.
What are you going to do today? have you anything lovely planned?
~°+«~° Happy birthday °~»+°~
A new year, a fresh beginning wishing you a happy future OP. Treat yourself.
I'm rubbish at thinking of names but will vote on other suggestions!! Hope you had a great birthday - don't let the bedtime tears hit
Also echo limit chats with 'friend'.
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Long time lurker and well wisher here. Haven't had any wise words to add, but have followed your story, and hope to be able to continue to wish you well on a new thread. So pleased to read that you are feeling less sad and hope the takeaway was delish.
Howabout fuckityforgesforwards for the new name?
Happy Birthday
What a lovely post FB, you're sounding positive and in control.
Yes, "friend" should be demoted, and as Donkey and cjel say, share nothing with her.
Your boys sound fabulous, a credit to you. Hope the takeaway was good, a good birthday all round, with the satisfaction of preparing your shower for the tiler.
I've always thought the "fuck it factor" a very important tool in life, so, as you have just referenced it in your last post, it's a great basis for your new name. And definitely lose the bollocks
I like Longtallsally's idea 'specially for the FFF abreviation
FuckItI'mMovingOn
FuckItImWorthIt/More
FuckItFactorRules
I still like FuckItImFabulous best - because you are
You need to give us a short list to vote on, some more good ones up thread.
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