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Original poster

I need to get over this crush, it is crushing me...

85 replies

YoniShapedLoveBox · 14/04/2013 01:07

Found an ex boyfriend on FB, he was the BEST and we ended because of family pressure (we were young)
He accepted my FB friendship but doesn't reply to my private message (I just asked for a recommendation from his work field) and seems happy with his GF.
I am a total stalker right now, lusting over his photos and can't get over it...
I know it is ridiculous and IABU
Also, what is the chance he isn't replying because he didn't see the message? It is not marked as 'seen', but apparently he could have checked on his email...? He definitely is logging in as he accepted me as a friend not long ago...(last week)...I habe been drooling over his photos for a long time, but decided to add him on a crazy spur of the moment.

Just spoke to an good old friend and she also remembers how cute, sweet, gentle and perfect he was to me...

Please give me a much needed kick in the butt

TIA

OP posts:
TheOriginalNutcracker · 15/04/2013 12:47

X-posted. It's for the best

CrazyOldCatLady · 15/04/2013 12:49

Politely giving the info you asked for and nothing else was a very clear message. Forget about him and be glad that you didn't send him a couple of very ill advised messages while suffering badly from PND and end up being embarrassed for the rest of your life.

Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 15/04/2013 12:53

He is loyal and faithful, he is a spacial guy, I'm not surprised he didn't cross the line. Just make me admire him even more but I won't play any games, I won't.

OP posts:
deleted203 · 15/04/2013 18:13

When you say, he is not in England are you talking about the mad crush? Or the guy he has recommended?

Why would being in a different country be a huge advantage, either in looking for a partner or someone to do some work for you?

(Completely lost here!)

Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 15/04/2013 20:44

Sorry, didn't explain properly.

Ex is not living in England, he moved out in 2005, I knew it since...he is living round the corner in an European country. And this is the advantage for me, he being far away make me less inclined to do something crazy.

But because he lived and worked here, I know he has got lots of contacts and asked for recommendation for someone based here.

OP posts:
deleted203 · 15/04/2013 22:09

OK...so you know in your heart of hearts that even if you got back together it wasn't going to work, don't you? Because you don't even live in the same country any more...

You've got to let go completely now! (ie. No sending a message back thanking him for the recommendation and adding extra comments, questions, love from Yonis...)

BriansBrain · 15/04/2013 22:46

Aww I was going to say he hasn't responded because his girlfriend accepted the friend request and then deleted the message!

Don't answer back now though!

Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 16/04/2013 00:04

too late...
I answered back straight away thanking him for the recommendation and praising his new tattoos Blush there were loads I hadn't seen. I wasn't expecting another reply at all but...he than after few hours answered back just reassuring I can be confident in the recommendation, should have no fear.
And that is it. He never made any personal comments on me.
I did mention his tattoos though, because this is something we have in common and I supported him when he started in his career as a tattoo artist.
Anyway, he never made any personal comment and I don't believe he will message me anymore nor will I.

Also, I don't have the FB app on my phone anymore so I don't worry about it during the day

Oh, and he can always come back to England, he doesn't have family there were he is now. A part from his GF.

OP posts:
Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 16/04/2013 00:13

No I never do any Love from me or xxx or any of this...
it is so direct and dry it sounds ever so fake and try too hard "I am cool and I am not bothered" kind of feeling...

OP posts:
springyhappychick · 16/04/2013 10:51

He's a fantasy, darling. It's not real. The way you'#re feeling about him, that is.

You say you have no idea who you are, that he represented a time when you were the 'real' you. I doubt if that is the case. It's easy to look back with rose-tinted spectacles. it very probably wasn't like that at all.

If you hook your identity on a fantasy, you're lost. Plus if you ever did get together you'd be looking at him as your hero/saviour - which doesn't bode well for either of you. Because it's not real.

It sounds like you may be afraid of reality - excuse me if I'm wrong. Reality isn't necessarily pretty or attractive, though sometimes it is. The years you feel you had lost the plot and were off track aren't necessarily the way you're seeing them. We all have what look like 'wilderness' years but they're part of the bigger picture, necessary to find out who you are and where you're going.

You don't have to be on the case every minute of every day/year/month. Just enjoy yourself, enjoy the journey. You don't have to be a success all the time.

Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 16/04/2013 15:39

Agree.

OP posts:
Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 16/04/2013 22:41

But I do wonder if he had or ocasionally have a snoop on my profile or what kind of memories, if any, he is having at the moment. I guess I will never know.

OP posts:
Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 16/04/2013 22:44

And also why his relationship is not out there in the open? If I didn't have a detective bone I would never know. Maybe they aren't together anymore since last time there was stuff about her (just her commenting on some photos related to him) was back in February.? His family comments are from last year or year before, I'm not sure..

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/04/2013 23:27

You are not going to let it go are you ?

Car crash
Waiting
To
Happen.

BriansBrain · 16/04/2013 23:35

Agree

badinage · 16/04/2013 23:59

If he was interested in a relationship, either legitimately or behind his girlfriend's back, he would have said so by now. Instead he left your message in the 'to do' pile and when he got around to it, ignored your tattoo compliments and was polite with the work recommendation.

He knows why you really got in touch and he's not interested. Now move on.

Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 17/04/2013 11:19

I know.........................

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 17/04/2013 11:25

You're being incredibly obvious and disrespectful of his feelings, OP. If you carry on you're quite likely to override any fond remembrances of friendship and replace them with disgust. He's not remotely interested in your overtures and you'll come across as desperate.

Stop it now, please, for your sake.

Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 17/04/2013 11:50

I'm not messaging again, I got the recommendation I needed, and also I'm quite embarrassed.

OP posts:
Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 17/04/2013 12:25

Thank ya'all for the honest thruth and helping me put my feet on the ground.
I wished I opened the thread on the 1st day I found him on FB, before sending him the request and message.
I have to come clear and reveal I did send him a message before adding him as a friend than I realised it went to his 'other' inbox....I'm praying to God he will never see that one because it was naughty....but I hadn't realised he was in a relationship at that time.

I better go back to my old safe crush:
[[http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=adam+driver&safe=off&client=tablet-android-samsung&hl=en-GB&source=android-browser-type&v=141400000&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=_YVuUbXvAYLJ0AXe9IGACQ&ved=0CAkQ_AUoAQ&biw=1024&bih=600&sei=AYZuUfq6DdKT0QWf8oHACQAdamDriver]]

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/04/2013 12:53
Hmm
DippyDoohDahDay · 17/04/2013 13:38

Probably your answer there then, perhaps respects you as a person from his past, has seen the dodgy message so knows exactly what you are up to, and is keeping polite and business like. I would say that's it, and u should take the advice of many of the posters, at looking at what you want your future and yourself to look like. Good luck and have fun in reality!

AnyFucker · 17/04/2013 14:10

I think he has seen the "naughty" message too, and shared it with his GF. They will have discussed how to put you off in the kindest possible way.

I wouldn't bother him again if I were you Smile

Original poster
YoniShapedLoveBox · 17/04/2013 14:42

Yes. But I didn't know he had a GF before posting the naughty message....the naughty message referred to his background photo it was a crop of his beard/lips and a neck tattoo and I said it was hot (don't judge if it isn't your type if guy). Is it too naughty? Hope he didn't show his GF, why would he? Specially since he dealt so well with the situation. What a great guy, didn't betray her and still manages to be polite to me. Forgive if I keep coming back to this thread, but I read your advices over and over, is helping me. Thanks.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/04/2013 14:47

Oh. That message wasn't too "naughty". I thought we were talking about you reminding him of some steamy shagging session you had in the past Smile

(perhaps that's my own dirty mind ..)

Doesn't change the advice though.

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