Dating thread no 51

[JulietteMontague]

All tales of online and real life dating here!

Snape - you and I are almost always in agreement about fanciable men. But Brian Cox?? Really??

Bant, I rather suspect that Limahl is a Friend of Dorothy.

I loved that song. Soundtrack to early dating with my first proper grown up girlfriend.

I did not know that

I'm only guessing! He maybe a rampant hetero for all I know! He used to be gorgeous. He has not aged well.

I liked the Las, had their album and everything!

Can't remember what any of them looked like though. Although tbh the only singer I have ever fancied was Evan Dando (and disappointingly he's another one who has aged badly)

I'm waiting for a plane again and bored. The guessing will amuse me.

I'm meant to be seeing buffy tonight, introducing her to another friend out in Hungaria for business for a couple of days. She's leaving in a few weeks but I'm actually thinking about calling it off before then. I'm in a quandary.

The problem is, the Coffee is great. Really very good, possibly the best I've had. However, I'm not overly comfortable with some of the stuff she wants to do. Basically, she likes it rougher than I feel happy with. Hair pulling, biting, having her throat held, that kind of stuff. I'm really not comfortable with that. I'm all for a bit of energy and excitement but.. It's weird.

She seems to want to escalate more each time, whereas I just want to keep doing what we've been doing because its great. I always thought sub/Dom games or other stuff is what you do when you know each other really very well or possibly the 'L' word is involved. Is that hopelessly naive?

sweet brian cox? brain the size of a planet and sweetly boyish? hell yes.

I'd also do Gareth the choir-master.

I honestly can't remember what band this bloke was in. i'm pretty sure he refused to tell me... I think we should have an OKC spreadsheet or something, just for future reference. kin did he contact you? what was his opening line?

No, it's what you are comfortable with Bant.

And because it is only a temporary relationship there is even less reason to delve into things you feel are not necessary for your enjoyment.

If it's not fun....

Ooooh. Bant. The very fact you're not comfortable with it is key. The rest is moot.

Sub/Dom games should ideally be within a trusting relationship - but I wouldn't necessarily think that Love needs to be involved. A lot of kinks are indulged in a FWB kinda scenario.

But you don't really like it. And if it were Buffy posting on MN and saying that about you, she would be told to make sure it stops.

bant if you're not comfortable with some of the things she wants you to do, then don't do them. tbh i'd call it quits. I know you're getting laid, but there's no emotional attachment here and she sounds..umm.. 'complex'.

I'd cut my losses at this point tbh. She's going away anyway, and she's made it clear that it is what it is. But you feel uncomfortable with the kinky stuff... so just find someone else. It's not like you're short of offers!

bant If you aren't comfortable then dont do it. Its meant to be fun and it doesn't sound like you are having fun.

Sparky has fucked off again and I'm not waiting around so I have deleted his number.

A FWB from last year has got back intouch and wants to take me out Saturday. Not to sure tbh but I have all week to decide.

POF and OK aren't working as I'm only attracting nutters! Or really attractive plastic looking men which would be nice to look at and play with but that's it

If it's Half Man Half Biscuit, I'm going to be devastated

Ooh, I want to know who it is!!!!!

Hm, Bant, sounds like Buffy's sense of adventure, which in small measure you really like, goes a bit too far for you.

Snape, I was wanting to say something similar about Buffy, but couldn't think of how to put it.

Bant, take note for future reference. With the warmest of intentions, this is not the first 'complex' woman you've come across.

Sorry flipper I don't get your point?

Please don't take offence, I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong! It just occurred to me that you seem to go for quite lively, fun characters, but that they sometimes turn out to be a bit more off beat than you expected. I don't know if there's anything you could do to change that, or even if you'd want to, it was just an observation that I thought I'd share, in case it was helpful.

you are actually too nice for her bant s/D stuff is all very well, I find for a bit of express button-pushing, but it doesn't tend to allow for much of a deeper connection. I refer back to the prof. all very well for a twice-off quick-throw around the bedroom, but no question of respect or connection because this was all there very early on in the 'relationship' nowt wrong with a bit of light spanking/tying up in the context of knowing that someone respects the fuck out of you - but eyebrows tend to get a bit raised at the choking (buffy) pissing (prof) scenarios when you don't know someone that well. I'd be feeling uncomfortable that I am basically being regarded as a glorified fuck toy. and that kind of thing doesn't compare to the movie-sex with nameless (boast?) consenting adults where everyone is on the same page, then that's fair enough. you're not on the same page bant. she's reading '120 days of sodom' you're reading 'bridget jones diary' ( I know you're not?)

You're a lovely chap for having doubts because I suspect theres a fair few blokes who would just think 'fair enough, she doesn't actually mean anything to me, where's my ping pong paddle?' So you're slightly more fab than you were. :) but cut her loose and move on mate.

No offence taken flipper, but I've been dating for 6 months, slept with two of the 20-30 or so women I've met, both of whom were attractive and interesting and there was a mutual spark. Others, here was a spark but they disappeared, still others the attraction was one way only or wasn't there.

The artist wasn't kinky, she just fell in love with me after 10 days and wanted to have babies. Buffy is more standoffish but much more interesting and funny. If she was staying in the same country I'd want to take it further apart from my concerns with her need for roughness all the time. We connect, there is affection and friendliness there, and it could grow to more if I/we let it, I think. She's complex but interestingly so, there are lots of ways we're a good match for each other.

I just don't like pulling her hair and being bitten.

Bant I think that this might be a problem if it's what she wants every time and also wants to escalate things - you're not happy with this type of sex and she doesn't seem happy with something less extreme. And if she's actually biting you that's another thing altogether - I was assuming that she wanted you to bite her. I would be very unhappy with someone biting me without knowing whether or not I'd appreciate that kind of thing.

It's going to have to be either a conversation about what goes on in bed or maybe calling it a day, and given the situation and that it's going to end in the next few weeks anyway, this could be the time to move on and keep the good memories intact.

If I'm with a bloke and he does some sexual thing that I'm not comfortable with I let him know (in a very nice tactful way) and he'd not do it again.
Because he likes me and he doesnt want me to feel uncomfortable or pressured.

Surely it's the same if the shoe is on the other foot, a woman can tell if a bloke isnt into a certain sexual thing and so she'd not want to keep asking him to do it?

If a bloke wasnt into some kind of sex that meant alot to me I'd have to conclude that we were incompatible so I'd to string him along until I found someone else to indulge me:o

Fair enough, I'm probably seeing patterns where there aren't any. I can't help worrying about my dating friends when they say they're unhappy with how something's going.

Just remember, no likey, no bitey.

I think it's a different situation for men. I don't feel endangered or threatened, the way a woman might if her bloke is escalating roughness. I don't even know her well enough to know if its something she needs or something she's got used to with other men and expects (if that makes sense) and I'd be kind of cutting off my nose to spite my face to break it off without talking about it first, turning down weeks of great sex because there's something I don't like which she's ok doing without. Maybe just exploring the cities parks and alleyways will be enough :)

Best thing is to talk to her I guess. Who'd have thunk it?