Dating thread no 51

[JulietteMontague]

All tales of online and real life dating here!

OWW ok love, thinking about you, big hug and I hope your dd is ok

OWW oh god that's sounds awful, hope all is ok when you get there. what a horrible thing to cope with. don't care ... Big hugs and xxxx

OWW that sounds dreadful.

Just seen your post about DD, hope she is ok

Thinking of you OWW

Children are ok. Mother has said foul, foul things about all of us. Children say she has hurt them, she admits to slapping dd but says the rest is all lies. Says its all my fault. Called me names then walked out. Has left me with a horrible letter all about how the children humiliated her by misbehaving in town and going on about her reputation. This is almost word for word what my ex said in court, can't believe it.

I now find myself with no child care, no idea what to do.

She has said the most upsetting things to me about what a nasty person I am and how badly I treat her. I moved here because she offered her support and now I'm left in a right mess. Don't know what to think or do and I can't see any way out of this. I didn't get the chance to say much at all, I did say she was being very aggressive and jabbing her finger at me and could we sit down and talk like adults but she wouldn't.

Sorry not dating stuff at all but I'm knocked for six a bit here.

Western (((hugs))) how awful for you and DC. Just in case there is any smidgen of doubt, we all know how lovely you are, how gentle you are with everyone on here and in RL and how you take care of DC. I have no idea why she is doing this, it has nothing to do with anything you have said, done are how you are.

Never mind your Mum for now, you can deal with her another time. The important thing is for you and DC to circle your wagons and get through this, you have the weekend to be kind to yourself whilst you think things through.

On a practical note, you will find some childcare. All things are possible. After school club, breakfast club, possibly short term reduction of your hours, call in favours, beg another parent to have them, work at home for a couple of days? whatever it takes to get through next week.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all this, it is so unnecessary.

She has also said to the children that they were lying about the abuse they suffered from their father. I know that's not true. How could she say that to them?

She has basically said it's all my fault because of how I'm bringing them up. She told dd she is going to report me for neglect. I bet she will too.

Have got them a place at after school club on Monday so that will give me a breathing space to sort stuff out.

She says me and the children have destroyed her health and that the children have attacked her with a drill.

It is all just crap. I think she needs help.

Well done on the afterschool club. That takes the heat out of the childcare issue for now. She definitely needs help but right now, you have enough to deal already and now there is the fall out from this. I would report her behaviour to her GP and then withdraw for a while so you can all get some peace and distance from this.

She was gearing up for this before Easter, in a way at least you now know that she cannot be the support you thought she would be. Poor DC, and classic siding with the exH. How horrible and so unfair too. Let her report to SS if she sees fit, you have done nothing wrong. You know you can deal with this, even though you shouldn't have to.

I don't want to be alarmist but she wouldn't go as far as to tell their father where you all are or anything like that would she?

I'm so sorry you've been put in this position OWW, you are obviously an excellent mother and we all know that you're a lovely, caring person. Your mum appears to be having some sort of psychological crisis and I would second Juliette's advice to mention it to her GP. They may well say that they are unable to talk to you about your mum's health but any doctor worth their salt will take it upon themselves to investigate further.

I'm going to PM you xx

hi everyone

again its been ages since ive been on, but things have been alot better recently. Signed upto a dating site not messaged anyone yet though any advice on ice breakers?

Hi Spence, I'm glad things have been better for you. I'm usually far more impressed with an opening message that is shortish, refers to something I've said in my profile or is funny, rather than one which says 'Hi Gorgeous, how come you're single ?' Or 'How you finding it on here? ' or ( my personal bête noire ) 'tell me about yourself'

thanks kin

i was thinking it would be better to say something based on the profile so at least they know ive paid attention lol

i signed upto smooch, dont know if its any good or not

I don't know, Spence, I don't think I've heard that one mentioned very often.

Spence a short couple of lines which refers to my profile will always get my interest.

What not to say - any text speak, too many lols (sorry Spence, but had to say it), insults designed to get attention. Or,

Hi babes
Are you really xx years old? you don't look it
You're gawgus
Can I ask you a question? (a lot of men have this as an opener)
Why are you on here, are you too choosy?

and so on..

Good luck!

hello all
OWW hugs from me too. Your mum is saying things that are very hurtful and and very strange. look after yourself and your DC.
velvet I'm sorry to hear about C. As hard as it seems, snape is right when she says when not if you meet someone.
lubey high five!
Bit of an update from me. I've been taking the citilopram for just 2 weeks and already I feel so much better. Stronger, clearer and the awful black depression has gone. I also feel more patient if that makes sense? I feel sick but I know that's a side effect and I'm willing to put up with.
I've been away with the f/man for a few days. We had an amazing time, relaxing, taking, Coffee, doing nothing together. It was great. I really like him.
We had a chat about money. He can't get credit, has a phone in a relatives name, rents from his brother, has no extra cash and lives month to month. Although I'm not responsible for his financial woes, it's made me think about it. Im pretty good with money and have always insisted on 50/50 + I can go frugal when I need to. I'm not sure whether its an issue or not to be honest but I'm aware he has no disposable cash at all.

Oh sorry 48 really chuffed your mum is home

Sparky seems to be disappearing slowly. Been intouch constantly past week then today barely anything, one word answers and nothing since 3ish.

SP if he can't be bothered to do more than one word answers, let him initiate now. Can't do any harm...

Scatty so glad to hear things are going well for you and the black dog is off your shoulder. Things sound to be going great with the fireman - hope the finances aren't too big an issue for you as things go on.

Spence if you take the time to put together a polite, funny (if possible) message that shows you've read the woman's profile, I'm sure you will get some results. The worst first message I ever got is that one from the other day where the bloke was asking if I go in a certain pub. Really creeped me out. So even if you know her irl, don't say you do as it seems a bit stalkerish. Wouldn't even have thought of this advice if I'd not had that message!

Thank you all so, so much for your support about my mum. I have to admit, if anyone can press my buttons it's my mum, but for the last couple of years my tactic has been to withdraw, stay calm and not engage with her, but she hates this more than if I argue with her. She thinks I talk to her in a "teacher"ish way, which is probably fairly near the truth, but it means I can stay calm and deal with her nonsense, but it winds her up to some tune.

Some of the things she's said have really hurt but I am going to try and pay no attention. She actually said she feels sorry for me. Hah!!

Juliette I hope she doesn't have any contact details for my ex, but to be honest I would not put anything past her when she has got the mood on her. I don't know his address but maybe she still has his mobile number. She is quite capable of calling him and saying the children lied about the abuse. This does worry me and also if she says this to SS at all.

Have tried to call her but she won't pick up the phone. I feel very alone in dealing with this problem. She has fallen out with all of her sisters, and my sister (who lives away) never sees this side of my mum at all and won't believe what goes on, so I have given up trying to get her to help. I'm thinking of ringing one of my aunties tomorrow though to enlist a bit of support.

Thank god I have my wonderful children, miserable and upset but safe and loved.

I have left him to it. I refuse to chase anyone

Well, I have a strange message in my inbox. I was chatting to a guy right at the start when I went back on PoF - my first engineer! - and he seemed nice, asked me out for a drink and then disappeared. But now he is back. He wasn't active on the site during his "disappearance" as he was moving further and further down my search results! Very strange. Not sure if I should reply or not. It's just a "Hi, how are you?" message, probably testing the water a bit.

Nice message from stargazing Italian fiddling with his binoculars under the romantic spring sky . . .

Nice message from Indie about indie music (which is good, like talking about this), TV, work, life, hoovering, kids, lies-in, general chat.

Nothing further from Rick the Songbird which could be a good thing. The impatient one from Match has messaged me and keeps winking but I've not been back on there again, might have a look tomorrow.

I am going to be buggered for dating if my mum won't have them overnight ever! Arse.

Dutch seems to be a grown up. He's been on the boat since yesterday, said he'd like to chat when he got back this evening if I was around, I said I might be out. Regardless, I just got an email to say he's still there, tired and driving home soon (2 hrs away) so can we talk tomorrow. Straight forward and communicates .

Oh I like Dutch Juliette. Actually all the Dutch people I've known have struck me as sensible, open and straightforward. I think you are starting to like him . . . Carp??

Lets just say I'm staying within Carp distance . Although I've done this before, I'm now painfully aware via the OD losers I've met since that it is only when you meet someone face to face you know.

I like Dutchy too, Juliette there's something strangely 'right' about him.

My OD world has gone batshit crazy today, with Belgians ( chocolate ! chips ! mayonnaise ! Dr Evil ! ) a very sweet but sturdily built 20 year old, a sardonic comedy writer who I suspect of being contaminated by daters' cynicism and a long message from the Scientist detailing his previous relationships in some depth - why ? Me no understandy. Well, me no understandy until I googled him and it turns out he's a professor of something dead complicated so he will therefore be completely hatstand.

There is a man that I think I love on okc but his upper age limit is 42 and that ship has well and truly sailed, I will have to content myself with unconsummated virtual ardour for him.