Dating thread no 51

[JulietteMontague]

All tales of online and real life dating here!

Bit addled tonight - forgot to say good luck Tigsy with the job. All these online tests sound like a bit of a faff!

Sp good job

stranger there may be some blokes who score points, and more fool them. If I've had a ONS I generally fine out of it feeling satisfied and hoping she was too. I don't think 'I hope I won'

If you had a good time, he probably did too. If you want to see him again (which it sounds like you don't) why worry?

Kirsty I missed that you met the Sales Director, what is it with some men who feel the need to share their ailments, next!

SP that sounds rather promising

OWW is the man with the song next week now?

Bill my ex pays the absolute bare minimum for the kids but because the OW lives with him they have spent probs about 8k on hols this year alone ....I suggest it is up to you...the csa is a guidance.

Oh but the ex tries hard to make me feel guilty for claiming...phaaaaaaaah!!

Oh I am a student btw. Bill I suggest you pay what you can afford ..

Morning all!

Velvet I'm so sorry about C, but in a way it's good his mind is made up because now you can move on and see other people. You've been waiting far too long, and been stifled and limited yourself and your dating activities because of him. He's wasted a LOT of your time. I know you had some nice times as well but the majority of it was waiting, waiting. I'm glad he stopped wasting it, even though it wasn't the way we all hoped it would be.

I hope that you will now move on date, try new things and go to new places to meet new people. People like him (but minus the major issues!)

Nearly 2 weeks now non smoking... all is cool still. Not due a weigh in til Mon but I feel loads better and more energetic so I'm pretty sure it's all coming off nicely.

In other news something weird occurred at 06.30 yesterday!

06.32 Mr B text me to say he couldn't stop thinking about the BJ I gave him

06.37 BC text me to ask me to go and meet him in London today (I can't, too short notice)

Morning Lubey! I've never been a smoker, but I'm really impressed with you. Giving up smoking and losing weight at the same time? You're just filling your life with positive stuff, it's no wonder good things are coming to you.

OWW it wasn't that he hated rollercoasters (as I know they are not everyone's cup of tea) .. He hated everything .. Went to Florida didn't like Orlando (fair enough) but went down to the keys .. Expensive and full of gays ( yes he really did say that!!)

*SP+ glad it went so well

lubey you are doing amazingly well

juliette what's happening with Dutch ?

Thanks :) I've been making myself walk lots (more) as well as being careful with the old calories. I've been sponsored to shift the flab so I have no choice now... it's amazing motivation.. I was doing ok before that but I think it will help me see it through to the end goal I really want.

Spent a lot of time talking to BC yesterday. Wish I could have got to see him today but alas twas not to be with short notice.

I am secretly pleased though as it gives me a chance to lose some weight first, seeing as we're now back to the original plan of meeting in June :o

Morning :)

Survived skiing last night without breaking any bones which was good . Am currently feeling the bed is a bit too big as Mr Nice will be at work by now :(

Bill I just get child maintenance from XH and end up lending him money . I suppose it depends how much money there is overall in some ways but my basic attitude is that its up to me to earn more money if I need/want more money.

Am slightly almost at XH - he has got his finger out and filed in divorce forms (we're doing actual divorce part without solicitor as really no need) as the petitioner but admits he "doesn't have the money for the court fee" ( we have agreed to split all costs). Not sure how he's intending to petition for the divorce then.... Guess I'd better try and find some more work to pay for it. There is some money I "owe" him (savings when we split I used to pay rent for the house which I had to do 6 months in advance because of poor credit history) so it will come off that but at least it's a reminder for me of how basically rubbish he is with money. He does earn a totally reasonable amount by the way....

I seem to have stopped running which is not good. Will start forgetting how to at this rate

Bill My ex gives me a reasonable amount for my 18yo DD. That is because he owes me big time.

My ex earns £45k a year but only pays 12% tax so his net earnings are considerable. He hasn't paid a penny in 4 years and never will - if I ever make a claim he will give up his job. I have no doubt he would as well. Bill if you're paying what you should as per csa etc then your ex needs to suck it up. Harsh but true.

I am not optimistic about replacing C. Since yesterday the tally is 25 messages, 25 blocked. Not one even worth replying to. All 1 word messages from seriously unattractive men. Disappointing.

Velv... remember the rule of averages. Every no is a step closer to a yes. The numbers game and all that.

I really think you should change what you usually do too. New things, new places, new people. Don't rely on OD especially with your current experience and frame of mind

Thanks Bant.

I am crap at dating, haven't really done it much after an embarrassing tendency to couple up too much so I feel a little like a teenager dipping her toe in the water sometimes.

Hello everyone,

Lovely to see so many dates going on!!

lovely Velvet I'm sending you a big hug. It's rubbish about c. Really bloody rubbish. I bet you feel rubbish and sad and down in the dumps. Please don't! Like everyone said already, you are lovely. You look great and have a brilliant personality - the right man is out there for you, I promise. Look at all the attention you had recently when you wasn't looking for it. C has got issues. Big issues that you don't need in your life. Honestly you are worth more. I agree with lubes maybe give od a break and change something in your day to day routine. I know it's bit corny but if you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got. Be sad for a bit (because you are entitled to) but pick yourself up, dust off your fave dress and get yourself out there. Go on a night out, join up with a meetup, just do something that exposes you to a new circle of people. Sorry if i am interferring. I don't want to be all bossy with you, I just don't want C and his issues affect you and the way you enjoy your life.

Big high five to all the daters out there!!

I'm not up to much. Starting new job in a week, divorce going through and doing fun stuff with my kids. Would love a man and a bit of company but od is too much of a rollercoaster for me at the mo. Slowly, slowly - something like that!!!

ike it's not about paying for the kids. Very happy to do than and have offered considerably more than the CSA calc. It's the concept of spousal maintenance I seem to have an issue with. I just felt bad and wondered if it was me being difficult, or her being a bit grabby.

No Bill, it's her being grabby imo. I never understand why some women feel the need to try & get spousal support - where's their pride??

Tell her to fuck off

Not wanting to get into the whole spousal maintenance discussion but it does all depend on individual circumstances. Some people (namely me) were the victim, were treated appallingly, have given up careers to look after children, struggle to have free cash despite working full time and pushing themselves career wise because childcare bills are extremely high, had everything taken off them that they worked hard to achieve whilst the ex is off having lovely holidays, active social life, buying whole new wardrobe because they have eaten sooooooo much food and drank soooooo much booze their clothes don't fit anymore. And when they earn over four times as much and very few outgoings.

It's not a case of pride. It's a case of fighting for what is right.

But Bill I know your circumstances are different and she does appear to be a bit grabby. Follow your legal advice

Bill is there a particular reason why exW needs 'spousal' maintenance? If I recall, you are taking some time out do you think she fancies some of your savings?

What do you think the response would be if you said, lets swap, I'll have the kids during the week, you get a job and have them at weekends. I also want x of your wages for DC and some more for me because er, I just do.

Kirsty all good with Dutch, he learnt I'm not a morning women when he tried to video call me yesterday morning before coffee or a comb in site. Not happening

it's very tricky, how can you calculate the earnings lost to a person who sacrificed their career to have kids, it would need to be based on assumptions about what the earning potential would turn out to be?

Or you can look at the degree to which the non working parents sacrifice have helped the working parent to achieve a certain level of earnings?

In some ways I feel that based on decisions XH and I made together for me to work part time when DC were smaller and for me to then give up work (I was actually the higher earner as well - am stupid) that my earning potential could have been a lot higher than it probably is now. But seeing as he is useless with money and despite having a much higher salary than I do has less money it's not as if spousal maintenance would do me any good any way. I'm not even sure whether I can be bothered to apply for half his pension either and plus am not sure whether that is really just a form of spousal maintenance anyway.

My spell checker just tried to change spousal in arousal. Definitely not true...

I know that I prob would have been anti spousal maintenance before I was landed in such a big mess. It really is something to be taken on a case by case basis. All circumstances and situations are different. I am following advice from my solicitor.

Oh god there is nothing arousing about spousal maintenance discussion!!!! Got to love predictive text!!!!