Last train to Loserville Part 2

[LoserNoMore]

After the overwhelming support I've received on my thread I had to start another. Well I didn't have to but I have found all the advice so helpful that even if I only receive one more piece it will help.

I'll try and post the link to the full sorry story. Never linked on my phone before so it may not work.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1722750-This-doesnt-look-good-does-it?pg=40&order=

Glad you're ok, be VERY gentle with yourself for the next couple of days. I hesitate to say it, but you really shouldn't go to work tomorrow......

oh love! I hope you are ok. please take it easy, you are having a hellova time at the moment. But you are strong, you will be ok.

Sending you massive hug.

BTW - the offer of my lovely SIL still stands!

Had to take Dd3 to a party, great timing. We are all home now. When I picked the girls up H came out to the car. Really didn't want to see him. He asked what happened to my head, told him and he was so nice. I had to just get away. It's easier when he's being a dick.

I'm not going to work tomorrow, not feeling up to it. My boss isn't going to be happy.

No skipping for me today cjel. The things I do to avoid exercise!

Jax, thank you. Your sister in law sounds lovely. I'll keep her in mind :)

LNM you are so strong with everything you have been through, do not know how you are still standing, but you have so many friend's here who care about you and you have your lovely 3 girl's who i am sure are so proud of you. Take it easy.

LNM - I'm so sorry you had a rough evening. You hadn't posted the last time I checked yesterday evening so I was hoping you were having a nice, relaxing evening! Take things very, very easy today. I'm glad your h was nice but as you know, that doesn't cancel out the rest of the crap

Hoping your dds will give you lots of well earned cuddles today. Even in very adverse situations, you are one heck of a coper

Oh LNM ( (huge hugs) )

It's horrible having to do everything unsupported, I know.
It really is better to do it alone though than with a dishonest so and so.
You will find strength you never knew you had, look back and hardly believe you did it!
That's my experience anyway.

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, standing still when need to.
The way out of this, is through this - if you know what I mean.

Wishing and willing and cheering you on. Xx

I like the Bear Hunt analogy - You cant go over it, you cant go under it, you have to go through it.

Do keep my SIL in mind, she's a good egg.

I had an accident after my split and ex genuinely sounded upset and shocked. It would have been so easy to have accepted a hug...sadly half the reason I had the accident was the situation I was in (stressed). Within a fortnight he was back to being an arse

When I first saw that you'd had a head injury I assumed it was skipping related.

LNM much as I like to be capable ALL the time, sometimes I have to say enough is ENOUGH and let go stuff like work, housework (ahem as if I did it anyway) and focus on staying safe. I mean safe in the full sense of physical and mental health. We all have a limit. Don't find yours because its been breached...and don't let yourself be pushed into decisions because you feel it's your only option to cope (eg working overtime for no pay because work is understaffed) Seriously...it's time to put yourself first for a bit

Thank you :)

Cabbage, I did have many visions of the dangers of the skipping rope! Maybe I should always have someone with me when I'm skipping. If I can injure myself stepping in the shower...

Plus I think you're right. In the grand scheme of things work isn't top of priorities.

The girls all seem tired today, which is good for me. Not sure I have the energy for 3 hyper girls. They are colouring in very quietly.

Oh good, glad they're tired. Hope you get a really quiet day. Very sensible to take tomorrow off, too.

My first concussion (I've had lots, it's a wonder I have any braincells left!) I had no idea what was wrong, just kept getting appalling headache every time I went outside, but at work where the light was dim I was more or less OK. Went on for 3 days until I went to the doc. I was annoyed that he told me concussion, but put 'headaches' on the sick note!

tough luck for your boss. you've spent the night in hospital - they'd have to be a complete arse to argue with that.

hope you get a quiet evening and enjoy having the day to yourself tomorrow.

Just read your posts and I can't believe what you've been through, you are such a strong lady and such a great role model for your children. I wish you all the best for the future xx

Thanks flyer.

I thought the other night I felt bad and that was the worst I would feel. Feel even worse now. The girls are watching tv and I'm in the bathroom feeling like I can't do this anymore. I don't want to do anything apart from take away this pain which isn't possible. I know I need to go through it and it will get easier but that thought process isn't working.

because it actually takes the time lnm rather than just the rational explanation that it will be ok in time itms. we don't 'think' ourselves better x

there is no way you can fast forward to feeling better. Please remember you would be feeling crap if you had spent a night in hospital and you were still together, you would just have someone else to help, You'd still feel bad. The life changes you are going through are tough thats why we recognise it as a shit time. You feel crap now, unable to go on now and then something will happen and you'll find yourself smiling or happy, its weird. I found tea time tough as it was a time of day when we would be together, the days went ok and then I suddenly realise d I didn't have his company for the evening and I'd get an attack of the miseries again.You won't feel this bad for ever and I wish I could show you your future so you kept up hope

The thing is, what you had is gone.

You loved him very deeply, you held him in very high regard, you trusted him completely. Now that love is still there but not so secure, the respect you had for him is gone, the trust smashed to pieces.

You can still care for him, you can wish him well, you can miss him and even forgive him. But you will never forget. The relationship will never be the same.

When he received that '?' text from you, he still went to the ow, spent his evening and half the night with her and came home to tell you that his workmates had been messing with his phone.

He didn't come straight home. He didn't return your calls, or texts. He didn't care about you worrying. He sought refuge with another woman.

Any relationship you have with him now is tarnished. He will always be the one who let you down, who did the dirty on you, who lied to you to protect himself. He's not the man you thought he was and never can be.

Take care of yourself, get lots of hugs and snuggles from your girls x

This is hard but this has only been your situation for a relatively short time. You won't get over it quickly, you still have a long way to climb. I know that sounds negative but it won't actually be that long before you get near the top of the mountain and you'll see a much nicer view on the other side. Just take a day at a time, you've done so well so far, it's no wonder the downs will hit you harder.

And remember...you aren't climbing alone - your dds are right there with you and so are we. Post & rant here as much as you like. What I like about MN is that there's always someone around.

Oh LNM. I feel for you. I really do.

I wish could do more to help.

Buy you a bloody crash helmet, for instance.

Yes esme what are we going to do when she starts to skip?

cjel, well, I'm toying with the idea of one of this Sumo suits that you can inflate.

What do you think LNM?

I know you all make sense and I appreciate all the advice. Could be doing with my mum here right now. Life is just a bitch at times.

I've just had a bad day. Onwards and upwards tomorrow

The crash helmet made me laugh. They should issue them with the skipping rope. Sumo suit and crash helmet, can't go wrong.

LNM I well remember the feeling of rock bottom and finding it hard to imagine how life would ever be happy again. People told me it would and I felt a little cross each time because I didn't think they really understood. I was financially struggling, fighting legal issues and grieving.

The stupid thing was I was grieving a man I loved but he was a very flawed man. Couldn't talk to anyone about this because he was being an arse and they'd have thought I was mad. The fact that I loved him confused me...maybe he wasn't an arse? But he was... so why was I sad...

I have found the easiest way to deal with the loss/anger/loss/love/hate/sadness roller coaster is to reframe it all.

I see him as he is, now. He's just a man and an inadequate one. I loved him but would be damaged by staying with him. Life really does go on. Bit like a car which you love but breaks down all the time....leaving you stranded and in difficult/risky situations.

I'm now really happy. I'd be happy single (still live alone) but I share a lot of my life with DP. I have crammed in so much happiness with him. After I took ex back (post affair) I spent many years grateful for happiness and trying to extract it from life. It's now just life

You will get there

Hope your feeling better LNM. You've really had everything thrown at you from all angles!

Your bound to be hurting and feeling millions of emotions but please remember how well your doing. It hasn't been long and you've been so strong. You should feel proud of yourself xx

I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel today. Maybe tomorrow I'll see a glimpse...

Thanks, I am reading all the advice.