Have Nc for this as am on the anti-natal boards.
I am 9 weeks pregnant. Baby planned, but since I found out 5 weeks ago, things have been up and down with dh. As we were trying, I was talking to him about tests a few days before my period was due. Took one, positive, he didn't believe it. Took more, he still didn't believe (as I got them from one of the cheap shops). The day before my period was due, I bought a couple of super duper expensive ones, did them with him outside the door, handed them to him so he could see the line forming.
That evening when he came home from work, he initiated a huge row. Saying how shit his life was, how he hated everything about it, that I had forced him into trying for a baby (I hadn't, he wanted to as well). It was vile, he was threatening to leave. I have an older dc from a previous marriage who loves him.
He calmed down. Took some of what he said back, but it was like a switch had been flicked in my head.
Two weeks later he did it again, screaming in my face for hours. He again took it back, has been attentive etc. But I think it's a face, he's so nasty sometimes, not to me as such, but gets wound up at the tv, randomly shouting that people are 'cunts'.
I spent last night in bed in tears (while he was asleep) as when we were walking home, we saw a pretty bad bit of driving, he said 'I bet it's either a black or a woman driving'. I hate him.
I know now that I made a terrible mistake, he's so different to me. He's never read a book in his life and is proud of it.
But the thing thats really getting to me is that I don't want my baby and I feel evil for it. I feel nothing towards it. I had a baby book/journal for my older child, I wrote everything in it, first scan pics etc, I loved him and felt protective from so early on in pregnancy. I spent last night praying I would miscarry. Please don't judge me.