Hey Choco, hope you do feel less like poo tomorrow.. Your friendship is still there if you want it to be. He's in a lousy situation, with no or very little control at the moment.
What happened with him the other night was an "interesting" development in your relationship but would say better at this stage to agree to shelve any discussion about what it means and just focus on being emotionally supportive for each other and get back to the ease you had with each other.
I think, to do that, you need to take the lead and tell him you're making an executive decision that any heavy duty chats about the other night are off limits, what will be will be and in the meantime you want your best friend back and hopefully vice versa, because right now you both need that far more than you both need a relationship and the complications which come from that.
You have to take the physical side of things out of the equation for the time being and remove any pressure you both feel about talking it all through.
You have a better chance of resuming comfort with each other that way and if things are going to develop in the right direction, they will be able to more naturally and at a manageable pace.
Don't despair or get despondent, Choco, you can reclaim your friendship but I think you have to take control, what he's going through is really harsh, imagine if tables were turned and Twunt had your boys and you could only see them at Twunt's whim.
I think it would be nigh on impossible to imagine giving anything else any focus under those circumstances?
Based on what you've told us about his situation, his need for emotional support and understanding might be greater than your need for immediate answers. Chances are he can't really give you any answers at the moment, although I know you're not seeking them as such and just want to clear the air. But sounds like you both need a strategy for clearing the air in a way that hopefully will really work and not be a superficial sweep under the carpet. What I'm suggesting might sound like there's a bit of sweeping involved, but it's more about acknowledging that it's too complicated and important to sweep aside so just for now give it a little resting home so you can get your friendship back on track within the context of what else is going on.
Let him feel completely comfortable with you again knowing that even if he doesn't get in touch with you for a few days, you are still completely there for him without expectation and judgment as a friend would be.
I know, this is much easier said than done but I suspect he won't stay away if he genuinely feels he can talk to you without any added what about us type complications.
The rest will flow if it's meant to and once he's got his contact sorted out and things are on an even a keel as possible you can see how things are between you.
At some point you may decide its too emotionally draining for you and unrealistic to suspend your expectation. Cross that bridge when you need to and in the meantime get your friendship back on track, I think it's possible to do that if you can see that what might be holding him back is not personal, it's circumstance.
As you know from your own situation, circumstances will change and he will get to a workable set up at some stage, even if it requires external intervention.
Am guessing that if Totga's ex got wind of you, she might make things even more difficult so that might be another factor at play for Totga.
Might have misunderstood but sounds like you haven't fixed up meeting him yet?
If that's the case, I'd send a message in the morning to say, having slept on it, you're making an executive decision on behalf of you both that for the time being, with everything going on, you're banning any discussion about the other night and you just want to see him to talk about what's happening with him at the moment as it sounds so incredibly shitty and suggest a time/place.
What do you think? Chances are you'll touch on "things" when you meet but this gives you a chance to be Choco, true friend at his low point, not Choco who was in danger of getting pissed off with him for not getting in touch with you after things got hot and steamy.
You're completely justified in being pissed off with him. I think he's been lame in not getting in touch with you more proactively but if it wasn't for what he's going through with his ex and lack of contact with his son, I'd say give him a wide berth and pull right back. But there do seem to be some extenuating circumstances and you'll be able to judge if the chemistry is still possible to retain after you meet up. I also think this is a way for you to protect yourself, take a step back and have more control over how things do develop so you can put the brakes on if things get steamy again and you're not convinced it's on the basis of a mutual interest in a relationship.
In my line of work, I often have to tell people to be more concise in their communication style but seems I need to take my own advice, sorry for marathon post! Hope you're feeling bit better..