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Original poster

Internet dating....Does it get better?

37 replies

whitewineintherain · 25/03/2013 23:44

I've been single a while, I don't have any many friends or much free time due to having DD, so thought I'd sign up to internet dating.

Signed up to POF but so far the majority of the people who have messaged me have been people in their late teens/ early twenties. (I'm 21 but have specified on my profile that I'm interested in older guys.)

One man message me who sounded ok so after a week talking on POF we swapped numbers, he then started texting a lot, even when I said I was busy with DD. I once went to my DP's for a weekend, told him I was turning my phone off while I was there, turned it on to find 104 text messages from him, some quite nasty. I told him not to contact me again and blocked him.

Another was really nice, almost perfect but just as we were about to meet, I got a text from him saying he was going to have to cancel as his wife found out. Shock

Afterwards I took a couple of weeks off POF and recently started using it again, however I still only seem to attract men who clearly haven't read my profile or are married or asking for a threesome etc etc.

So does it get better? Should I carry on or should I just give up and become a spinster for the rest of my life?

OP posts:
Original poster
whitewineintherain · 25/03/2013 23:45

Oops, sorry, that was longer than I intended.

OP posts:
bamboozled · 25/03/2013 23:49

Looking at DH I'd say yes Grin
Exdh not from Internet and a fuckwit!

bamboozled · 25/03/2013 23:50

You just have to be savvy - lots of weirdos out there.
Guardian soulmates or telegraph dating, depending which way you swing in the political wind..

bamboozled · 25/03/2013 23:51

What's POF, (sorry for drip feeding posts)

Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 00:01

Plenty of Fish, a lady from a baby group recommend it but I'm now wondering if she secretly hates me. Grin

OP posts:
bamboozled · 26/03/2013 00:04

Haha - god it's crap isn't it!! But, yes, wouldn't have met DH without it - so worth persevering - and I had lots of dates which entertained my lovely but smug still-married friends!

showtunesgirl · 26/03/2013 00:08

Yes, keep at it.

My friend who had been devastated by his long term partner leaving him twice to go off with someone else went online. I have to say that he is absolutely gorgeous and my best mate drools over him.

He met a woman who is unbelievably gorgeous as well and they are getting married in a few months.

It's actually how sickening how perfect the two of them are. Both are dazzling beautiful, intelligent and lovely sweet people who are very well suited.

They met on match.com if I recall correctly.

Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 00:12

I've got quite a few stories that entertain my non-single friends.

I'll persevere then and hope I get as lucky as you. Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 00:14

X-post with Showtunes, that's nice to hear, so there's definitely hope then.

OP posts:
TranceDaemon · 26/03/2013 00:27

I met my wonderful DH thanks to POF! There are a lot of idiots, just have very high standards and dump and block at the first sign of game playing/weirdness/general insanity.

Trust your instincts and look for those who message and call when they say they will and who sound honest. Talk on the phone fairly soonish, you can only tell so much online and a call gives you more insight.

UnrequitedSkink · 26/03/2013 00:27

Isn't POF the free one? I think if you pay a subscription fee you will at least be meeting people who are serious about meeting future partners rather than quick hook-ups?

niceupthedance · 26/03/2013 06:40

You could try okcupid it's also free and less weirdos.

IWantATowel · 26/03/2013 08:02

hi, I met my bf on pof just over a year ago. There are some good'uns out there but you have to swerve a lot of shite too. we hit it off over a common interest, always a good starting point!

WarmFuzzyFun · 26/03/2013 08:06

Look at the weirdo's, odd balls as entertainment until the main act arrives, it can be good fun Grin.

bluer · 26/03/2013 11:39

Met my dh there...I'd say 3 things. Don't encourage and sex chat...these people are not for you. Check profile carefully and make sure it all adds up. Don't waste too much time texting an mailing...arrange a safe meet up in daytime. My Dh emails didn't do much for me but when we meet I knew he was for me. On the other hand I spent ages mailing and phoning a guy but as soon as we had a coffee I knew that there's was no click.

Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 19:11

Thanks for all the replies, I'll keep trying.
I'll have a look at okcupid, hopefully there will be fewer weirdos. Smile

OP posts:
ElegantSufficiency · 26/03/2013 19:37

I'd be careful about expressing your wish for older guys on a dating site. That is just like every pervy man's fantasy. Put a cap on it I say.

If you find a site with fewer weirdos good luck.
If I were your age, I'd join a hockey club or a drama club. 21 is very young to be doing internet dating.

Shinyshinyface · 26/03/2013 20:01

Okcupid gets my recommendation too.

LittleChickpea · 26/03/2013 20:25

My friend has just got engaged to a man she met on an Internet dating site. I think it was match.com. But she kissed some frogs and went on some dates with weirdos/stalkers (in a hundereds of text type of way) before meeting MR Right.. I say give it a go you never know. Just carefully vet them first and enjoy.....

Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 20:32

Elegant I do have a cap on the age limit. I'd love to join some sort of club but as a single mum I find it hard to find a regular babysitter and pay for one, also I live in a large village with only a couple of clubs on in the evening, neither of which appeal to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 20:51

Just signed up to okcupid, hopefully it will be a bit better. Smile

OP posts:
girliefriend · 26/03/2013 20:55

Hello I am Shock at the 104 texts - that is freaky!!

I have done pof and have now signed up to match, pof was not great lots of weird quite strange blokes. Match is much better, had a date last night and he was normal - yay!!

My advice is save up and go for match!

Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 23:52

Shock What is with 104 texts? Do they think that's the limit and 105 is just too many? Or maybe it's the same guy?
Will give match a go if I have no luck with either POF or okcupid.

OP posts:
Original poster
whitewineintherain · 26/03/2013 23:53

*What is it with 104 texts? Blush

OP posts:
OnlineDatingQueen · 27/03/2013 00:27

Read this - how to win at online dating. Everything I learned about online dating on the way to meeting my DH. Seems a shame to waste all this now useless knowledge Wink

And I recommend Match although one of my best friends met her DH on Loveandfriends.com - she lived in London where it was a popular site, don't now if it's still around.

Be patient. Be honest with yourself about what you're looking for. Value yourself and take no shit. Don't expect it to be fun all the time. And my advice (the controversial bit) is don't shag anyone too soon. It separates the chancers from the decent guys and stops you falling in lust if what you're looking for is love.

You'll find lots of people on here saying how crap OD is and how all the men are shit etc etc. If you ever find all the men you are meeting are not what you're looking for you need to revamp your profile. I re-wrote my friend's profile for her and it totally transformed the kind of guys who contacted her.

Good luck :)