Internet dating....Does it get better?

[whitewineintherain]

I've been single a while, I don't have any many friends or much free time due to having DD, so thought I'd sign up to internet dating.

Signed up to POF but so far the majority of the people who have messaged me have been people in their late teens/ early twenties. (I'm 21 but have specified on my profile that I'm interested in older guys.)

One man message me who sounded ok so after a week talking on POF we swapped numbers, he then started texting a lot, even when I said I was busy with DD. I once went to my DP's for a weekend, told him I was turning my phone off while I was there, turned it on to find 104 text messages from him, some quite nasty. I told him not to contact me again and blocked him.

Another was really nice, almost perfect but just as we were about to meet, I got a text from him saying he was going to have to cancel as his wife found out.

Afterwards I took a couple of weeks off POF and recently started using it again, however I still only seem to attract men who clearly haven't read my profile or are married or asking for a threesome etc etc.

So does it get better? Should I carry on or should I just give up and become a spinster for the rest of my life?

Met my DH online. On what was Yahoo dating.

I'd agree with poster up thread, not too much texting/emailing before meeting. For me too much contact before just raised my expectations/emotionally involvement.

I also found that (wrongly or rightly) that men seemed to want to do the "chasing". So I let them take the lead.

I also didn't overshare too much, again having some "mystery" about one seemed to work.

A bit depressing that you might need to 'edit' yourself but I figured it was a bit like job hunting - you need to manage how you come across.

Good luck.

I dont know if youve seen my other thread but basically my wife was having an affair and wants to leave.

Obivously im not ready for anything yet but its been a while since ive been single so this is something i may have to try in the future. Hope to see some positive stories :)

If you are 21, you have a long time ahead to meet some really interesting, nice guys!

I think the best way to do this is in real life, through clubs, societies, friends, work, etc. It is much easier to make good judgments about people and get to know them in a more natural and general way.

If you are v. restricted because of childcare and other circumstances, then I think internet dating is a possible way to meet eligible men, though I found it rather intense myself and often felt quite vulnerable - I don't really like sharing myself (and "selling" myself online) to strangers; I am not convinced it is a good for sensitive souls.

Also, there were many jerks and I think it is really important to protect yourself from some of these people - i.e. be very aware of security. One man followed me home from a date when he passed me in his car. It is easy to be carried away romantically, and ignore red flags.

p.s. PoF is a pretty naff site, so if you want to use that one, it may help to make your profile more serious to deter at least some of the idiots.

Thanks for all the advice and positive stories.

daddyspence, sorry to hear about your situation, I haven't read your thread but hope things get better for you soon and you're getting the support you need.

I've completely re-written my profile on POF, which a friend has gone over and given me tips on.

Not sure POF is the best site for you. Have you looked into a more niche site possible for single parents. What about joining a local mixed group in your area for single people with children
Try Encounters.com they are a bit more upmarket and have a very good safety record. Remember 1-10 profiles are false on dating sites and be very careful of scammers. I have a client that was being scammed on a disabled dating site, these scammers are part of professional organised crime syndicates they are trained to groom people. I have lots of tips on my blog datingfairygodmother.com Good luck and say safe x

I'm 22. I joined POF and oh my fucking god! I was speaking to someone who seemed decent. After a week of talking we exchanged numbers. Within 10 mins of him getting my number I was sent a picture. It was him, in a leotard with a bra underneath all while he cupped his penis between his legs! The caption if the picture was 'I hope you are open minded'

That caused a lot of laughter for my friends already in relationships! I also met someone on there and was seeing him for about 6 week then he just disappeared!

Its very strange! Some messages are hilarious in a creepy way

POF - awful site, met 2 very odd characters on there, never again will I use that site. Yes you can get sex-hungry, after a shag only on any dating site, but I'd advise going with one that at least does some sort of personality profiling match. Picking randomly from POF pics only matches the physical side but there is every chance of them being more than a little strange.

SPsFanjo -I had a similar experience - just after we'd met and I discovered the high heels and latex in his wardrobe!

I joined POF at 22 and could write a book on awful dates / relationships. After a few disasters I tried some paid websites but they were worse - mainly older men (over 50) and I found it a bit pervy.

To start with I put pictures of me glammed up as I thought that was the way to meet people. Then I decided maybe I should put pics of the real me - someone messaged me and 18 months later we are living together :)

Glad its not just me Teachers

Seriously is some very strange people. Men wanting mw to join them and friends and/or wife!

I met my DH on what was Yahoo dating in 2005. I arranged dates with 2 men in the same week. I met DH first, and cancelled the other guy.

I didn't meet anyone else from the site. However, I was contacted by a few oddballs (not pervs) but it was easy to ignore them.

I've used pof for three years. Was shite for at least two! Then I had an intense thing for six to eight weeks last summer. Really messed with my head tbh. I dated another guy for a couple of weeks but he got really clingy. Then I got asked out by a guy at Christmas from there. Was umming and aahing, almost cancelled, really wasn't that interested. Then we met up and I am so glad we did. It's been three months. Still early days, not sure tbh its going long term, but he is lovely and im enjoying it. And he's normal. Which is amazing. Only took three years to find a normal one :-)

WWITR , I think with POF, you get a wider variety of men. As it is a free site, you get a lot more 'chancers'. I found it easier to make a mental list of the things I didn't want in a man: smoker, heavy drinker, someone who doesn't see their children regularly, etc. I also closed the age range to five years older than me.

So far I have been seeing someone for a year from POF. I have purposely kept it light-hearted; I haven't met his children and he hasn't mine (except pics). I always wait for him to text and we get a long OK. We have no expectations but we respect each other a lot.

I've also found that quite a few men on there are looking for a booty call. Decide what you don't want, that way you'll get closer to what you do want. Keep at it. Good luck :-)