Am I being unfair and over reacting

[Brightlydoesit]

Please help am very upset this evening. Yesterday afternoon almost blacked out whilst driving and was told to go to A and E by Nhs direct. Lots of tests for heart probs and embolism but all seems ok so don't really know what it is yet so am worried.

BF arrives this morn couldn't be here yest and there was no need as had someone with me, but basically felt on my own all day as he has to sleep as in middle of night shifts. So I cook dinner even though not feeling great and he gets up. Not much affection as wasn't up to sex, well that's how it looks to me. Not showing any real concern for what went on yesterday. He has phonecall from flatmate( female) I was a bit moody afterwards, ( only a tiny bit) but he can't just let the fact pass even though I was unwell so he withdraws even more.

I go to bed for lie down it takes an hour for him to come see where I am, no hugs or kisses just a bit of a huff cos he thinks I was in a huff over phonecall.
I start crying cos feel emotional and just wanted him to show he cares and there's no reaction AT ALL. Ten mins later goes off to work after quick peck.

I don't know if I'm over reacting, feeling sorry for myself, or whether I'm justified in that. All he's bothered with is saying he's done nothing wrong. I just feel I'm not allowed to get into a mood occasionally or show my feelings. If I cry it has absolutely no effect on him at all, incidentally I'm to always crying but I do sometimes if I feel down. Any advice? Or talk some sense into me

Tell your mates because then it will make it real. Ask them their really honest opinion of him and also how you came across to them while in this relationship.

I slept for a full 7hrs last night, first time since he left :)

Also how do I get on the freedom programme and do you pay a charge for it? Does anyone think it would benefit me?

Hi OP, just found your thread and eventhough I can't answer your question, I'd like to tell you our relationship history is quite similar.
I ended my first marriage because h was an obvious selfish bastard.
I'm in couple counseling after finding another, more subtle selfish bastard AFTER SPENDING 8 YEARS ALONE.
I was positive, if lonely, went back to college, raised a child practically alone, had friends...
I should have gone to counseling for self esteem issues, neediness, or whatever it's now called.
I'm now in the same mess but its far more difficult to extricate myself and I think I owe to myself and ds to make a go of this relationship.
You probably won't be able to change your relationship issues with self help books, god knows I've tried.
Get some proper counseling for yourself, you'll only know if its working if you stop questioning your right to basic happiness, TLC and respect.
Good luck,

Thank you celticcat for your good wishes and flowers. Although I don't wish bad things on others it's good to know I'm not alone.

It's so difficult to see if someone you are attached to is an EA or selfish because I always tend to give the benefit of the doubt and think of the good things they do, which he was good at reminding me of

I guess I should have thought more in terms of how it was all making me FEEL and if it didn't make me feel good I should have got out.

I'm sad that I have got to my late fourties and its harder to pull your life together at this age, or is it? I don't know. I'm feeling now like I was an escape for him from his ex who was unfaithful meeting me meant he could move away.

I wish you well with your counselling and am looking in to some for myself xx

maybe you need to be clear with him about what you want and need. explain it clearly when you are calm and if he cant give it than maybe its time to accept that the relationship isn't enough for you.

I have been there and done that countless time and he has too. He has always countered it with things he wants me to ' change' things might improve for a while but they always go back.

There is much more than is on this thread I have written others about various incidents when I've been heartbroken. I am having to accept its the end and its so hard at times