The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wondering Where The Spring For Their Boing Is!

[Mouseface]

Hi I'm Mouse

One of the Brave Babes on the Bus, a Bus full of different posters, some who drink more than they'd like to and are trying to stop, some who don't drink at all now, and some who are somewhere in the middle. :)

There's no judging here, no finger pointing, no rejection, just pure, unconditional, (occasionally tough), love and empathy.

We all share stories of how we got here, to have our seat on the Bus, looking for our own personal sobriety, our own personal happiness. Sometimes we talk about other things too, you know, like cake, cheese and even day to day life, life that can lead us to breaking point......... lead us to hit rock bottom.

So, why not come say hi, take a seat, post, lurk, whatever suits you :)

This is our latest journey with a link to others

And this is the reason we're ALL here, the first ever thread

Hope to see you soon :)

Also thinking about my liver function results, I actually think they were a red herring anyway, because I was showing definite signs that all wasn't well. I bruise very easily, like big black bruises down my legs and my stomach is another story. I've been guzzling medication that isn't prescribed for me (my son's medication for a gastro condition )

brain fart thanks, that cheered me up

I was in the sidecar of shame last night. Actually I feel MUCH more guilty about it than I would have done a year ago, so things are changing in my head.

DH had bought himself 2 cans of g&t and I drank them. And after the first one he tried to have the other and I wouldn't let him. Okay, so I didn't drink very much (6 units?) but my attitude and dependance was just horrible. Even while I was doing it, I knew it was awful, but couldn't stop.

Morning babes

I'm sober but in a permanent foul mood-wtf? Think I'm finally starting to grow up and I've hit the 16 yr old permanent sulk stage. Anyway,It's not FAIR and you don't understand me. I'm off to my room to listen to The Smiths and write crap poetry....

isinde you are so very insightful it's always good to read your posts,you have way with words. When I'm drunk I mumble and spout crap and then luff everyone. I didn't think I'd insulted you and I very much hoped I hadn't.
Yes, if you stop drinking then all the dynamics will change. There's no other way of looking at it,you know I'm going to say that with a little adjustment then all of those changes will be for the better. (Being foul tempered is because I'm an old bag not because I've stopped drinking) Your dp sounds like a very bright lady to me,I'm sure she can cope and support you. I had to hide in the bedroom for the first month or so and dh hated it. He didn't really understand what it was like for me because he doesn't drink bastard
Actually, I didn't read what your dp said the way you did,obviously you know but are you sure that that's exactly what she meant?

joey try not to beat yourself up. Are you drinking tonight?

hooty that is tricky if you both drink! It will really be worth it if you both help each other though,I have no will power at all so I can symapthise with how hard it is if he is drinking when you don't want to. When is your danger zone? Evenings? Weekends? Can you change your pm routine?

oK less foul now. Off to prevent ds from breaking the cat/tv/toys/laptop/bed/loo/a parent/fucking everything he can find...

hello guggs how old is your DS? Surely cats are indestructable - parents, not so much.

'Lo there joey lol! He's 3 and a half. No one told me that 3 yr olds turn into destruction machines and he's much too old to take back now. Good job I love him!

How are you doing lovely?

Gugg I'm in that foul mood too! Should be chuffed to bits that I'm sober but oh no its poor me - just frightened its going to lead to pour me a drink!
When I'm out with others drinking I just want to cry like a baby - where's my comforter? I wish I could just bloody well grow up!

Well you're all making me have a long, hard think!
LRD 155 days against what I've done - yep, so true.
Isinde great point about dynamics changing.

To some extent I feel my drinking increased due to emptiness in my marriage and disapproval followed when the drinking became a problem. So I childishly thought home life would be rosy, I would be heard if I was sober. It's now pretty obvious that there is going to be work needed in the marriage too which is putting me in a wobbly place. What do I do when I wobble? I wobble over to the fridge and get the wine out.

Anyway wishing everyone a peaceful day where we can be kind to ourselves (big cough - and that includes you Alias).

Hi iam good to hear from you. I think we are all talking about the same subject really, lots of worries about relationships changing including our changing relationship with booze.

Is it your marriage you are thinking about or things that have gone on while you were drinking or about alcohol in general (or all 3)? You and I might be grieving for the loss of alcohol in our lives and I don't intend to trivialise anyone who's been through a berevement by that.

I've been told to try some of these things and I'm crap at all of them but do feel a little better after:

Writing a list of gratitudes- stops the wingeing
prayer or
meditation
write down all the problems and look at them to see if there are links
Remind yourself you are not in control of it all.

I'm really not good at any of that but make myself try, when i can. How about a long walk or shopping for something nice? Shallow I know.

Hope you feel better soon.x

Think we need a group hug x x x x x x ps brain
Fart made me laugh TODAY I WILL NOT DRINK!!!

Hope you're OK joey, don't be hard on yourself today, pleased my brain farting managed to cheer you up My dependancy would have seen me take the cans off my DP as well, I was quite cunning when drinking, with my 'needs' taking priority. For example when pouring wine, I would take a huge gulp out of his glass then top it up again, just so I had more. Then there was the taking huge swigs from his drink when he went to the loo and drinking my first few quickly so that by the time he'd 'caught up' I'd had more than half of the alcohol available.

Gugg yes it's always been tricky trying to stop drinking in the past as apart from the wine witch nagging away there's DP and his 'booze horns' as I call them, I can almost see them appearing when he's got the idea in his head he wants to drink! Difference between us is that he rarely gets 'pissed' (no wonder when I've just admitted to hogging the lion's share of the alcohol!).

Iam I wanted to cry like a baby yesterday when in a restaurant and surrounded by people drinking. I went through a mental checklist in my mind, saying to myself:

-will having alcohol make this experience truly any better?
-will I regret having the drinks afterwards?
-will I carry on drinking until I make a comeplete cockwomble of myself?
-will I survive the meal without an alcoholic drink?

I answered my own questions and made the decision not to drink at that time, but felt resentful and angry at myself, saying to myself 'why can't you be a 'normal' drinker, what a wanker you are, spoiling it for yourself like this?!'. I was like a petulant child inside!

Hey hey all you lovely things.

Well, it's Friday, the sun is shining, I have fabulous hair and I AM NOT DRINKING TONIGHT.

The thing with me, I have realised, is I'll have a nice little drink tonight, and it'll be fine. So I'll drink again tomorrow. And then I won't drink for a few days. Wednesday night will roll around so I'll open a bottle, finish it Thursday and then on Friday I'll get properly earth shatteringly vomittingly black out drunk. Or it might not be Friday, it might not be Saturday, it might be Sunday. Or next weekend.

But at some point in the cycle it'll happen. And the only way to avoid it is to not have that first drink.

So I'm not drinking today.

The nights I don't allow myself to have wine I feel almost bereft as though
Someone has taken something very important from me, when I see everyone drinking in the soaps I feel resentful and hard done by, my baby daughter demonstrates exactly the same behaviour when
She can't have chocolate for breakfast!!! She is too young to understand that if she has that chocolate every day her teeth will rot, she will be one overweight, she will get spotty and unwell not life her life happily and then she will resent
Me for giving her the chocolate. I'm sure you all see where I'm going with this, We are the baby daughter? Wine is our chocolate, the teeth are our livers!!! Kinda scary isn't it?????

hooty I was grinning at the recognition of myself in your post - the crafty sips of wine out of other people's glasses...

Gugg I suppose I am grieving but I should realise that it's a false friend I've lost and perhaps thank my lucky stars? Echo not wanting to misuse the word.

If I'm honest it is the marriage which is stirring things up for me. When I was drunk I just became more vocal and argumentative about his treatment of me. Things that I can see a sober woman would feel unhappy about but my drinking behavior would overshadow him recognizing that I had a valid point to make. I'm probably frightened that I will have to accept that he treats me in a certain way because that's all I deserve. I will then have to do something about it too - I'm not a doer.

He's not a bad man but can be a bit control-freaky and judgmental to boot. He loves me and I love him but quite often I'm lonely and unhappy.

Thank you for your ideas - have been thinking about daily gratitudes and I really know I have alot of things to be thankful for.

Hooty think I'm going to copy your list of questions to my phone to use when I'm feeling a strop come on! Guess you'll all just know it's me if you're in a restaurant and a phone gets lobbed across the room! I take my hat off to you for not drinking. What a wise owl!

Am enjoying babyjane's group hug.

Thinking about Takingsteps today.

Afternoon All, just checking back in. I'm off the bus and into the side car. AGAIN.

Taking My mum is an alcoholic and we've had a dreadful time with her over the past couple of years. She's terminal now. If you like, I'll post up my story, but if you'd rather not hear, then I totally understand.

It makes no sense that I drink. Really. I just feel so ashamed that I do.

Have a peaceful weekend everyone.

iam No,you do not deserve to be ill treated. Just no.
Tell us some more lovely, it sounds like you need to talk

The ideas aren't mine because I'm not that clever, actually as a bookworm I always fall back on reading when I feel down. I've just been flicking through a book called 'Don't let the bastards grind you down' Can't remember who it's by - it's on kindle. It was an inexpensive book but i've found it really useful.

hooty booze horns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lOve it

baby I'll have a kick as well as a hug if that's ok?

Good for you mrbloom, bet you don't want to start the weekend with a stonking hangover anyway.

I have to go out now so I'm not ignoring people just rubbish at time management.

xx

Hello. Just checking in. Still reading and trying to familiarise myself with where everyone is up to in their journey. Congrats on all sober / mod days and to those with the determination to keep on trying. X

Today was uneventful. The doctor would not see me and I was told unless I was in serious pain a trip to A&E would be a waste of time. The fact is he is right. I am not in pain as such but a lot of discomfort - all of my own doing. So I will have to carry on trying to hide my awful swollen belly which isn't bloody easy! And most people know I have had a hysterectomy so I look very strange.

I thought it was less swollen this morning but I was kidding myself. It is as huge as yesterday. Had 3/4 of a bottle of wine last night. Aiming for 1/2 tonight and maintain that until the blood test on Weds. Then back to the docs the Monday after.

Have a good weekend all. X

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

I'm very sorry for not keeping up with the new Babes and welcome to the BATTLE BUS! :)

I'm afraid to say that I've not really read back or caught up with everyone's story, sorry so I'll get to know you all over time know doubt. I've been doing Nemo's renewal for his DLA. I have sooooooooooooooooo much to fill in, my head is hurting just thinking about it. Just so much going on!

IsinDe - great post and oh so true. For me, alcohol makes life so skewed. There is no reality with drink, it's a false existence isn't it? The life that alcohol gives, is one of deceit, lies, hurt, danger, pity and shame.... I don't miss it. At all.

Sure, I crave the numbness, the pain free world I used to have,mixing alcohol with my meds was perfect. Last night was horrific, I'd had to 'run' after Nemo to try and stop him falling off his trike but of course my stupid, broken body. He has a little cut on his face

I have learnt two new phrases this week - Cock Womble and Brain Fart. :D :D :D Both of which are extremely awesome and I shall make sure I use in abundance when the situation allows.

I'd like to be a PROUD MUMMY for a moment if I may? For those who know little Nemo, he has managed an entire week without me being at preschool. I've dropped him off and gradually lengthened the time of the session that he has stayed for and I have gone to pick him up from to take him home, rather than stay as we'd done in the past so he was used to me being in there with him.

He has done fantastically. Only a few tears but we'd gone from 1 hour to 3 hours in five half days and he's been ever so brave, I really can't tell you how amazed I am at his determination to be a 'bigger boy'. He said to his 1-1 "Look, I'm not crying now, I'm a big boy now, we can tell Mamam"

I have to go and feed DD, DH is away and Nemo is at his craggy stage of the evening so I'll be back later. Stay safe Babes xxx

Hello all lovely Babes )
Okay, I've decided to have ONE glass of wine tnight....eeek!
This is a big test for me, but I have a plan.
Just about to head off to Waitrose to get a 250 ml bottle of nice red, back home then climb into my jammies, relax and sip my wine.
I love you all for being here, thanks xxx

I have been drinking far too much wine every night recently so have used the excuse of collecting DD from a teenage disco not to drink tonight. I can't believe how anxious I feel but I'm going to stay strong and do it for both of us. Bloody wine! Weirdly I can control my drinking easily when I go out but have got far too comfortable drinking when I am at home. I am grateful to have you Babes here with me!

Welcome witco end of day one for me AGAIN! But as ever will keep trying working all weekend so hopefully that will be a good distraction x

Checking in and not up to date with everyone. mouse you give that brave fish boy a big hug from his auntie demented.
Been out running and am drinking.

Running alongside you Ma (well, trying to keep up!),
Have had a long Easter holiday, of various upsets, and have succumbed to a glass of wine tonight, lets be honest, probably a bottle in the end, who am I kidding?

Mouse Nemo superstar, or what!! You knew the right thing to do. and it worked, much kudos to you sweetpea. xxx

Love to all
T xxxx

Evening babes.
Aw thanks Curry, I'll be 70 days tomorrow night booze free! So sorry that you've been having a really tough time of it & sorry your dd didn't get in to the school you wanted. Hope that things work out. Have you sorted the infestation in your new home?
Mouse, amazing amazing news, no wonder your a proud mummy, well done little Nemo x
Welcome to all new babes, wishing everyone strength for tonight, tomorrow
Night babes x

Nott is easy!