The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wondering Where The Spring For Their Boing Is!

[Mouseface]

Hi I'm Mouse

One of the Brave Babes on the Bus, a Bus full of different posters, some who drink more than they'd like to and are trying to stop, some who don't drink at all now, and some who are somewhere in the middle. :)

There's no judging here, no finger pointing, no rejection, just pure, unconditional, (occasionally tough), love and empathy.

We all share stories of how we got here, to have our seat on the Bus, looking for our own personal sobriety, our own personal happiness. Sometimes we talk about other things too, you know, like cake, cheese and even day to day life, life that can lead us to breaking point......... lead us to hit rock bottom.

So, why not come say hi, take a seat, post, lurk, whatever suits you :)

This is our latest journey with a link to others

And this is the reason we're ALL here, the first ever thread

Hope to see you soon :)

It's 30 - they can't offer over 30 by law - but that is interesting, I will look into it a bit more. And I will definitely call them

Hi selfishly poking my nose in hoping the Babes can give me a jolt out of my doldrums!

I am on day 155 but feel so close to pushing the self-destruct button.

I can only see the "joys" of drinking (yeah I know!)

Am starting to think I'm only doing this for other people and I'd rather just carry on numbing myself with booze, it just feels easier.

Don't know why but the first weeks were easier, ODAAT was there but now I'm focusing on never having fizzy at a family celebration, no cocktails on holiday - you know the civilised drinker that I'm not!

I know I've not really been on your bus but I've followed your journeys. I'm not good at "chatting" - don't ever feel I have anything worthwhile to contribute but I'd appreciate a quiet seat and don't mind clearing up the opal fruit wrappers!

Hi iam I'm in no position to give you advice but you've done 148 days more than I've ever managed so first and foremost well done you, that's an amazing achievement, try not to think any further ahead than today, has something or someone rattled you? None of us wants to imagine a life without booze but having lived out the alternative far too many times I can assure you it's way worse. The pleasant effect the alcohol gives us is very short lived and what follows is a gigantic hangover, confusion and hurt on the faces you love and the good old self loathing that follows. Please stay around and some wise and wonderful babes will give you great advice and support but please believe me for that first giddy hour there follows a whole load of consequences and it's definately not a fair trade, sending you warm hugs and hold tight x x

iam - can I be blunt and read in from my own situation? Good!

Please don't give in. You are on day 155. You've got it all out of your system and what is pulling you back is an illusion.

Please remember how shit it was when you were trying to quit and struggling. Please think about all the things that could go wrong. Now think about what might happen if you did drink, and got sucked back in again - because you will get sucked back in again.

You can forget the nice glass of fizz at a family party. You can remember that horrible feeling of waking up and thinking 'what did I do?'. And that feeling that you're hurting the people in your life. And the fact that, if you are a problem drinker and you keep drinking, you will eventually damage your liver and probably kill yourself.

I know that sounds like the worst case scenario and you're thinking 'yeah, but I've done really well. I've given myself such a good break and now I want some kind of reward'. Well, have you? What's 155 days against what you did before - and what you will end up doing if you get sucked back into drinking again.

Hi lovely babes,

Thank you venus,of course it wouldn't be just the one. Not a chance!
isinde hope I didn't piss you off, really was just being daft and trying to distract myself. Also you and dp seems solid and happy didn't mean to be rude,I promise. x

LRD just good to see you even if it means you get my twisted logic

curry is it a village school? I agree with what green said about appeals.

iam that is a very interesting post.Which other people are you thinking of?
Is 155 days about 4 months? Yes, as you can see I want to push that self destruct button too.I dunno why-maybe it's scary to succeed and easier to fall back into old patterns and habits? I also imagined that I would be bouncing around like the Andrex puppy if I ever made it to a few months of sobriety.I'm being very ungrateful here and AM going to stop complaining! Lovely to hear from you,keep posting. And grass up the babes who keep dropping those wrappers please...honestly.

Ok x post with baby and LRD

iam listen to what those two have to say, they are quite right you know.

Good to see you too gugg (and yes I do get your logic! ).

Well done to all battling and managing sober days or cutting down.

WARNING - SOME MAY FIND THE REST OF THIS POST UPSETTING

For years I thought 'I'll be ok, my brother is an alkie and has drank for 30 years. My sister drinks more than me, I'll be ok'.

I got to the stage last year where I was barely eating and drinking too much.

Then I got those little red veins they warn you about that appear when your liver is in trouble. I still carried on.

In January, my belly started to swell. I still carried on.

I went to the Doctor on Monday because my eyes are yellow. my skin is sallow, and I look 6 months pregnant but with stick thin legs and arms. I'm one step away from having to go to hospital.

Some peoples bodies can take the abuse. Others can't. I wish I hadn't let this get a grip on me. Alcoholism.

I know this doesn't apply to all of you. Some people can moderate. Many of you drink a lot less than I ever did. I started out at one glass of wine a night and it's taken me years to get to the state I am in. But I've bloody managed it! I'm not trying to preach but for once honestly put down what a mess I'm in.

I'm either going back to the doctor tomorrow or to A&E.

There endeth the sermon.

Please don't let me kill the thread . I like reading the chit chat and you are all so supportive, it's lovely.

steps poor,poor you that's awful. Please do go to the dr and be honest.

You didn't do this to yourself- that's what alcoholism is,that's why you and I are alkies, we have no control over the bloody stuff. I know that you have spotted some signs of damage but I think that with time that can be reversed. good luck,lovely.

What will you do tonight? Cut down,stop,call a helpline? Talk to us? I can recommend aa. Will be thinking of you.

taking thank you for posting with such honesty, I hope that now your getting some support in RL, things will get better for you, please keep posting and we are all in this together, how much have you been drinking? And what? Maybe we can help you, we can certainly support you, thanks for sharing with us x x x

Thank you guggenheim just for answering

The thing is I was honest with the doctor on Monday. I showed him my stomach, the veins, I admitted I was an alcoholic and all he did was give me mild sedatives. I can't even get the blood test done until next Wednesday! I though he might at least give me diuretics or a referral to hospital.

Tonight is another cutting down now which is easy as I can honestly say the thought of drink makes me retch now. I have been advised not to stop because of the risk of seizures.

I've looked up AA meetings in my area. There is one about 4 or 5 miles from my house next week.

takingsteps, huge hugs. Get well soonxxxx

X post babyjane. Thanks for responding.

At my worst I was drinking 3 bottles of white wine a night, sometimes 2 (no point talking in terms of glasses of wine because if there was a bottle there, it was gone).

I'm down to 1 bottle but I really do not want it.

Thanks curry. xxxx

I'm signing off the thread for now. I'll be back tomorrow.

hiya takingsteps I know that you won't be checking again until tomorrow but call the aa helpline in your area. I know the lady who runs the lines locally to me and she's lovely. She'll listen and help you.

You dr may not know very much about alcoholism,sounds stupid I know but it's tricky illness. He or she was probably trying to do their best.Might have been an idea to refer you to alcohol services though...

Aa- just go. Don't think or worry about it just get some rl help.

Taking thank you for your brave, honest post.

Also thanks for other replies!

The "other people" I'm trying to please are my lovely family who I've let down on numerous occasions. When I started this journey I had almost wrecked my marriage of 21 years.

I will open up further but I don't want to get in the way of Taking getting some urgent support also its not easy to get the space to freely post when DH is around.

curry sorry your DD didn't get a place in your chosen school, how dissapointing. Definitely appeal or as green says see if there's any way you can be placed on a reserve list?

Iam well bloody done on day 155! You've had some great advice, definitely think about playing the film through to the end, or rewinding it back to the reasons you stopped picking up in the first place?
Alcohol is a sneaky bastard that likes to lure and trick us into thinking it's some sort of magic go-go juice that enhances our lives for the better, when in fact it's pure poison that depresses the bejeezers out of us (is that even a real word?! Well, that's what I've been telling myself all day, you can tell I had a wobble at lunchtime when I went for lunch and was surrounded by seemingly 'normal' drinkers sipping their wine....I had a mini-tantrum in my head

Taking thank you for sharing your story with such honesty, wishing you strength, love and luck. I hope the GP can offer you more support tomorrow, you shouldn't have to shout up for help like this. I have no experience of aa but have read so many positive experiences on here it's surely got to be worth a shot?

As already mentioned I had a major wobble at lunchtime, was away shopping with my sister (who knows I'm making an effort to kick the drink so certainly wasn't wanting any with her lunch) but bloody hell, felt like a debating society was going full pelt in my head, bit like the Muppet Show

Day 5 almost over, which is the longest I've gone without booze in heaven knows how long.

Hope all you babes out there are OK x

well done hootyowl for a heroic day 5.
day 1 over with. saved by tea and chocolate cake.
good night all babes.

Night curry, well done for nailing day 1.

I'm a box of Maltesers down, nails bitten to nothing and lord knows how many fags I've smoked in the garden tonight. Trying not to worry about the cigs at the moment, my paranoia about my liver is greater than that for my lungs, which is pretty stupid but the thought of trying to deal with both addictions at once is too much for me at the moment

Night all.

taking well done for going to the GP, and for reducing what you're drinking. Hope all is well for you.

Iam do you know, on here there is no real hierarchy of who needs help most. Anyone, anyone, posting at any time is good enough and deserving enough of 'air space'. And it doesn't matter how much you're drinking, or how long you've been sober. We all know that the moment that we feel under intolerable pressure to have a drink, we're all in exactly the same place. And it doesn't matter what you're posting about - it might be your dog or your marriage or your in-grown toenails.....

The saddest thing would be if someone thought "oh my issue about my in-grown toenails is so insignificant that I don't merit attention, so I'll not post about it, I'll just quietly slip away and have a drink instead."

Post, post, post. Share, share, share. You never know when someone else needs to hear exactly the situation you are describing.

Morning babes. Isindie I hear what your saying about when one person out of the relationship/family changes everyone has to change.
My dh was so sick of my drunken behaviour & was always a bit wary of where the night would go. Although I think my drinking allowed him to quietly drink away and not much notice paid to him as my behaviour was always way worse! Now that I'm not, he's happier and things are calmer but it means if we go somewhere and he's drinking it's quite obvious now.
My dd (14 on Tuesday) has said she much prefers me not drinking. She has said to me though I would imagine that it's not as much fun if your out and not drinking? It's good to have these conversations with her while I'm level headed & sober.

I start my new job on Monday & so want people to know me as who I feel like without alcohol.
Love & strength for today brave babes x

Day 2.
What brilliant posts. I have had thoughts very like isinde's. Maybe will write more later but thankyou for articulating all that so well.

Clutter you have done amazingly well. How many days?

Hello everyone

I hope Iamnot comes back to tell us how she gets on today? Good luck.

Day 2.
Have a good day all babes

morning babes..big wave..things busy here and like everyone having to deal with alot of practical and emotional whohaa...But reading and posting on here, going to meetings and staying away from one drink for one day is really helping..have worked in MH for number of years and been around aa for a while but no 'expert', all i can say is what i have experienced..and it usually boils down to when i committed to a programme of recovery it has worked and when i haven't it hasn't. When i put down booze that was my coping mechanism for life i was left 'in a very ulnerable position because i had no coping mechanism, so i had to get a new one . .steps you choose what works for you, but try not to dismiss anything before you see for yourself..

wishing everyone a lovely day xxx

Isindie I have also been in that surreal half-life that you describe, very similar patterns stopping and starting again, going round and round.

A few months ago fear drove me to ask my GP for a full health check up,told him I was feeling tired all the time so could he run bloods to check thyroid etc which also included liver function test (I didn't mention my drinking at all). The tests all came back OK (which I know means nothing as my liver could be fine one minute and pack in the next) but I decided that my results were a 'get out jail free' card and continued in my destructive behaviours. I chose ignore the effects drinking was having on my mental health, my wellbeing and those around me.

My DP is also a big drinker, he also hasn't drank since Saturday after the state he saw me in on Sunday. However for about half our relationship (been together 10 years), booze has been a central part. We've both slipped down this slippery slope together, normalising our behaviours. We encourage each other, egg the other one on, talk at length on a Monday morning about how we need to stop but by Wednesday one of us is dropping man-sized hints about 'having a few beers' when we know full well it's never just a 'few'. It sounds selfish but I haven't thought about his drinking this past five days, nor thought much about where we will go from here, as a couple. Just going to think about getting myself out of this hole and will worry about the rest at a later date.

Total brain fart there, sorry!