The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Wondering Where The Spring For Their Boing Is!

[Mouseface]

Hi I'm Mouse

One of the Brave Babes on the Bus, a Bus full of different posters, some who drink more than they'd like to and are trying to stop, some who don't drink at all now, and some who are somewhere in the middle. :)

There's no judging here, no finger pointing, no rejection, just pure, unconditional, (occasionally tough), love and empathy.

We all share stories of how we got here, to have our seat on the Bus, looking for our own personal sobriety, our own personal happiness. Sometimes we talk about other things too, you know, like cake, cheese and even day to day life, life that can lead us to breaking point......... lead us to hit rock bottom.

So, why not come say hi, take a seat, post, lurk, whatever suits you :)

This is our latest journey with a link to others

And this is the reason we're ALL here, the first ever thread

Hope to see you soon :)

Hello Brave Babes welcome to all the new babes over the past couple of weeks and especially those of you in the tough first days!.

I thought I'd write down my 'blip' today and get it out there - had a lovely lunch with both daughters before packing them back to London on the bus. Then had the awful ... I could just stop off at the shop, it won't hurt, I've been so good the last 4 months, the Wine Witch had crept in when I was feeling vulnerable and anticipating loneliness for the rest of the afternoon. Funnily had been for a lovely evening with a group of friends, meal at a country pub last night with no urge to drink at all (designated driver and all that).

Bumped into an AA member 2 mins later - we've never really spoken, she's 20 years sober and kinda scary - knows everyone at meetings, and holds no prisoners, takes no crap kind of strong woman. We had a lovely chat for 10 minutes - and even though I didn't tell her how I was feeling at that moment - just talking to her banished the Witch. She was lovely and just what I needed at that moment. I've been struggling with the 'Higher Power' and the need to embrace that spirituality and let go of my barriers, but today meeting that Lady at that particular time and place made me feel as though something in the universe was working with me if only I could find the strength to let in in.

Anyway, I am, tonight, sober and feeling so much better, have planned the week ahead and am forging forward = so much to do.

If I had taken that first drink today, hell knows where it will have taken me, all the work over the last months destroyed, back to feeling like a failure, depressed and worst of all I'd be back spiralling down to ending up on a slab in the morgue with the autopsy report saying 'alcoholic'. Beautiful daughters alone out there in the world without their mum.

I need the memory of that 'blip' to stay with me and keep me strong.
I will be the woman I want to be and not the woman alcohol will make me.

I WILL NOT BE DRINKING TODAY.

Thanks for the welcome and well done hooty for confessing to your family, and for eating something. I haven't managed to do either yet. My recent drinking has been secret, my family think i am well into my recovery and don't know of recent binges (have a big dose of guilt in the mix). Hi isindie i am glad you are under no illusion that you are a moderate drinker, i am missing that part in my addled brain and have to let things get to this point to prove that i have no control. ??? insane!

Evening lovely babes,

koala very interesting that you met the person you needed to talk to- definitely fate! Just think if you'd had a drink then you would have to go through sodding recovery again, glad you met that woman.

Welcome to hoots and sina hope you get lots of help and support here. No judgy pants allowed.

kate well done. Good for you. Ignore the gf she might have some other issues on the go anyway. The 'gawn,gawn' stuff is tiresome but short lived. just stay sober a little longer and people will drop it and move onto something else. Try saying 'wow, you really want me to have that drink don't you?' Usually shuts people up.

Collective meet up- yup I'm in. Do you have room for a short arse city type who doesn't really do camping or the great outdoors?

Ma - I am okay, I really, really am. Yes, tomorrow is the new schedule for the boy and me, I get to leave him for a whole hour and then bring him home, otherwise he will expect me to stay with him all of the time and school is only 12 weeks away, real big school.

It's all very complicated but I will update you all tomorrow with how we both got on. It's a shorter session, designed to make him believe that "Mamam" will come back. The time apart tomorrow is an hour, the next a hour and a half and then 2 hours etc until he reaches his full 3 hour sessions.

Anyway - hello and welcome to the new posters and I hope you find a seat you're soon comfy with. :) xx.

Purps - good to have you back xx

Clutter - big squidge xx

Stay safe all, I'm finding it hard to keep awake so am offski. Night all and thank you, Nemo will be grand, and so will I.

Huggles as Nemo would say xx

Morning all, thanks for the very warm welcome yesterday

Good luck today mouse and Nemo, I've lurked on here for eons and am in awe with how well you cope with your own pain and the difficulties your lovely little boy has to go through. Hope his hour today passes smoothly and you can both come away feeling reassured

Well I had a difficult night, drenched in sweat and had some horrible dreams (involving ghosts, dog poo and Ian Beale I woke up at one point loaded with fear, heart thumping again but I kept saying to myself "You're safe *and Sober, it's OK" and that seemed to help.

So today is day 2 - stomach still feels delicate but managed a piece of toast. The older DCs got off to school without too much drama (other than a lost tie) and I've just had the loveliest snuggle with DS before I get ready to take him to school. Going to meet a good friend at the gym today and then plan to go shopping and stock up on goodies.

Have a good day all

Morning all,

mouse Good luck, I'm sure it will go well for you today. x

isinde the philharmonic for children sounds brilliant. they do a Proms for kids that i've always wanted to go to- oh yeah, I mean bring ds to.ahem. Might get tickets for that this year. On the noise and children front I've come to believe that nearly 4 yr olds are officially the loudest creatures on the planet.

hooty good for you. Keep saying the I'm safe and sober mantra it will help and keep posting Hope your stomach feels more settled later- hangovers suck,suck,suck Maybe plan to buy some nice soft drink and a treat to eat for this pm.

hooty Ian Beale?????? If I had to choose between poo,ghosts and Ian,then he would come last EVERY time. Grim!!!

Don't make me choose.

Morning hooty! you sound very positive this morning especially after dreams involving all sorts of unpleasant things incl. Ian Beale! Day 2 for me too, still feeling out of sorts but not as bad as yesterday, that was horrendous. Think that that that is a good mantra and will try it myself too 'your safe and sober its ok'. Anxiety is crippling me, though think if i manage to keep down some food it might help, will try some yoghurt and then have a shower and see where that leaves me.

Hi mouse, just wanted to say that i hope today goes well for you and nemo he sounds a very special little boy and a lucky one to have a mum like you .

will try and keep posting, taking it an hour at a time at the moment, putting one foot in front of the other and hopefully in a better place soon.

Morning all
Some really sterling work here from koala, kate, others

I am not doing well, second or third really bad week here, time to stop, just stop, I am not managing the moderate drinking under this much pressure.

Day one.

All best to all

morning babes !

I had a glass of wine last night, and couldn't even finish a mini bottle (187ml) I was so tired. I suppose that's positive, in the old days I would have forced myself to finish it (and open another) but last night I was able to say 'enough'.

But I'm back to sleeping badly, exhausted just so fed up with this. Nearly 18 months of insomnia, 7 different prescribed drugs, more herbal supplements than Holland & Barrett and I am PISSED OFF.

Oh well. It's a beautiful day (is it actually spring?!) and DH gave me a lift to work this morning. Small boings.

mouse how did it go this morning?

hi gugg, am new to posting and already im doing my head in, whats new?! when i add a message in response to a post, by the time ive added it there are several new messages added before mine. When i then read down it looks like ive completely blanked the previous two posters...is this normal and taken as a given on mnt ?

Thanks - have had a shower and some yoghurt and now need to lie down, wot an effort, thankfully DS is away with XP at mo.

sin and hoot I have read your posts and what a difference a day makes, today is a brand new day filled with sunshine and I'm also on
Day 2. Went to a family do on sat and fell drunk on the dance floor in full view of everyone!!!! I'm so tired of wine being so entwined in my every thought and action and I want to be slim and healthy by
Summer. To the newbies if you read back on any post history of anyone here you will find stories similar to your own, you are among friends and many of these lovely babes have turned it around, I have not but still have hope that I will. New week, new start, new friends x x x

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Sinamen - it get's easier re the posting and keeping up with everyone. Sometimes it's very quiet, sometimes it's manic! Thank you for the well wishes about Nemo :) xx

Well, we walked into preschool, he knew, he sensed that things were different. So, we played, I got his key worker involved. And then I sat him down and said that I was going to go now, loved him loads and that he was to play with Suzie and his friends..... then I left, came home and didn't cry. :)

Off to do some jobs, potter, drink tea and then go and get him.

Back soon :) xx

Day one again for me hate this anxiety any how's I've set myself a goal got a 60 day exercise programme which will start tomorrow and its 63 days till my holls so going to try n stay alcohol free for the duration of the exercise program so I should see the benefits hopefully x

Hello, I think it's about time I joined.

I got epically shitfaced at a family party yesterday. An afternoon party at which no one else was drunk. I was rolling on the floor and babbling nonsense, and when I got home at 6pm I fell down the stairs and out of bed.

DH has had to take the day off work today to do the school run and look after DS2 because I was still far over the limit this morning.

I did actually stop drinking in January and February but I'#d convinced myself I was fine to start again. Twat.

I am a regular, but I don't want my disgusting behaviour linked with my usual name so I am being a cowardly namechanger, I hope that's ok?

sina the Bus does get quite busy, and sometimes moves fast so don't worry about it. You might want to put your seatbelt on though

yoni welcome and well done for posting. It's a brave first step! Of course its okay to namechange, actually I'm worried I may have outed myself by posting details about my aunts Farm. It's okay as long as only people on this thread read it, but what if someone from Over There (normal Mumsnet) clicked on the Bus thread by mistake and started reading details... hmmm

oh dear I've worked myself up into a worry now. Should I ask mumsnet to delete those posts?

and then arrange the meetup via PMs instead of on the Bus?

Joey - delete if you feel safer about it :) xx

Welcome Yoni :)

Come on MyTime - you can do this!! xx

Well, our little Nemo did a bit of crying but mostly was okay. He managed an hour and his 1-1 and other friends all tried to cheer him up by finding his favourite toys which I thought was lovely of them.

Same again tomorrow but at 12 rather than the morning session. It's a gorgeous day here so we're off to the ducks and the park and for ice cream too!!

Be back later for a proper catch up, lunch and cuddles are required by a very brave little boy :)

Well done Nemo for being brave; hope you both enjoy your afternoon together, Mouse

Joey I didn't notice anything identifiable about what you posted but if it stops you feeling anxious, report it and let the post go poooooofffffttt

Yoni, baby, sina and MyTime let's get through day 2 together, we can do it.

I feel quite frustrated in that I want years of drinking myself into a state to go away, to be able to say I haven't picked up in weeks/months/years. Just to rub the whole nightmare away. But I can't, but I can go some way to achieving that goal by making sure that for today, I don't drink.

To Quote from Koala's wonderful post: "I will be the woman I want to be and not the woman alcohol will make me"

Oh and sorry Gugg if the mention of Ian Beale so early in the morning made you feel queasy Thankfully it wasn't a rude dream, there's no way I'd have managed that toast this morning if it had been, bleugh!

day 1 here. will be going out for a run tonight to complete week 1 of the C25K.
alias I missed the problem with the meet up posts - wassup?
mouse three cheers for you and fish boy. give him a fishy kiss from me for being such a brave boy.
sina and owl glad to see you still with us. dont worry about trying to keep up or namecheck everyone. Just keep posting and we'll muddle through

Wine witch haunting me. Since we started getting really geared up to move, and then moved, and then found our house was infested, etc.... I just can't stop thinking about wine. Drinking more and more of it. I need to take at least a week off drinking, this has slid out of control.
It's hard, I am feeling very disrupted, I am a natural home body and it all feels so wrong. Wine makes me feel like I have a warm cave to go to. Our grubby little kitchen is really not very nice and I don't like cooking or making tea in there... so much nicer to make it all go away with lots and lots of wine.

I got the bill for steam cleaning the carpets in the old house today. £120. When I walked out of that house it was beautiful. We spent a fortune, and days and days of solid back breaking labour, making it absolutely pukka for the next people. In return we get a flea-pit. Literally. I am being bitten by something, new bites every night. The dcs can't go in the garden because there is broken glass out there. There are two different leaks in two different places and lots of other problems but the thing that is really honestly completely doing my head in is the infestation.

Anyway. Tonight: no booze. Think of me. I am going ODAAT.