Twunt scored a full house and won himself a ride in a police car

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

I have name changed, not ready to deal with rl yet.

After shits loads of ea, sulking, rages, controlling behaviour, blaming the whole world for his actions etc, etc, etc, tonight poor hard done by twunt was bathing dd (I had engineered this as I am sick of him being a useless twat), he started shouting at her, I went up to see to her and he kicked off.

Screaming at me to fuck off, pushing me about, all in a tiny bathroom being witnessed by hysterical dd, he wouldn't let me go to dd to calm her down, just carried on screaming and pushing me out of bathroom and towards the top of the stairs, I really thought he was going to shove me down the stairs.

I managed to get back in the bathroom, he ripped stairgate down i guess to make it easier to get me down the stairs, he came back in shoving and screaming, so I said fine let me go and I will fuck off, he let go I tried to get out of the bathroom but where he was blocking me from gettingnto the bath, when I opened the bathroom door it hit his head.

He went apeshit, tried to push me down the stairs again, I managed to get past him and downstairs to phone police. 3 lovely officers were here in no time and have taken him in for questioning.

They said that from what he has said in custody they will probably let him go with a caution, and will come back when he returns for his van to prevent a breach of the peace.

I don't have anyone left in rl close enough to turn to, as being a by the book style twunt he has made sure I have been distanced from friends.

Dd is only 3, but all she kept asking was "is daddy going away in the police car, I'll miss daddy" what do you say to that?

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

I text my bessie and she came straight round. Dd doesn't want to believe it, mother had got in there first saying well his wasn't charged, so he can't have done anything wtf!!!!!!!

Had a good cry on her shoulder, feeling a bit better, but not great, off to get dd ready for bed, running way behind tonight, I wonder why

[flippinada]

Be kind to yourself, you've had a horrible shock and you're bound to be up and down for a while.

Glad you've got your bf, a supportive friend is worth their weight in gold.

[foolonthehill]

The ups and the downs...it's like bereavement except he's still there to cause trouble.

the downs will get less, but don;t try to bypass the tears, they are part of healing.

take care being.

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

Had a good chat with my Aunt, so between her and my bf I am reassured that not everyone in rl thinks I am a lying piece of shit.

I fully expected mother to side with him, she would side with a complete stranger over me, I am gutted by Dd1 response, I would never ask her to take sides and would have no issue with them maintaining a relationship, but unfortunately she has witnessed so many arguments between mother and me she wants to be left out of it.

Him going I can handle that, but losing Dd1, that I was not prepared for

[foolonthehill]

You haven't lost her, she is older and will have to come to terms with it in her own way and time.

have you seen the book "Living With The Dominator"? It might be somewhere to start if she is a reader. Or more subtly "Picture Perfect" by Jodi Picoult.

In the end it may be DD2 who tells her the stuff that matters.

have faith and patience. She is still your daughter, she still loves you but she is confused. Keep on holding out hands of love and acceptance to her.

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

Dd1 is a reader, through her teens I think she 'ate' every Jodi Picoult / Tori Hayden book going, she has just text to say her and her boyfriend want to come over on friday with dd2 easter present.

I will take a look at those books and then maybe suggest she does too.

Fool - it seems so wrong to keep calling some one so wise, "fool"

[mathanxiety]

Don't panic about DD1. Have faith that she will see your side and remember that people like your mother tend to bamboozle people very successfully until they play their hand too far at which point it all falls apart -- and try not to lean on DD1 too much for support as she has evidently decided to opt for self preservation when faced with a barrage from your mother. She just doesn't want to get sucked in and this says more about her feelings about your mother than about you.

You will feel very shaky as the adrenaline from the attack wears off. Remember you were fearing being thrown down a flight of stairs only a short time ago and there is s physical response to that that can't be stopped in its tracks. Try to get out for even a short blast of fresh air daily, try to eat and drink regularly, and try to breathe consciously, relax your whole body from top to toes when you sit down.

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

Feeling brighter this morning, actually managed about 4 hours sleep.

Still waiting on calls from survivor and solicitor.

Twunt just text asking (civilly for now) for some specific bits he needs from the house. I replied politely, am not going to be made out to be the unreasonable one in all this.

Had a conversation with mother, I had to know his version of events, apparently he just put his hands up and gave me a little nudge to get past me in the bathroom. Really

Have also spoken to Dd1 and we are back on track, she assumed what her grandmother had told her was the truth and her reaction was based on that.

[ScarletWomanoftheVillage]

Glad you and DD1 are back on track, bet that's made you feel much better

[mathanxiety]

Please don't worry about being unreasonable. He is stepping way over the line with the drip drip of return trips for his odds and ends.

Tell him he will need to pick up all his stuff by X date or it will be collected for scrap/charity donation. That is not unreasonable -- he is the one who wanted to push you down the stairs after all, and the police took it seriously enough to caution him. Since then he has cruelly ignored his own little child.

Glad you and DD1 are back. Please take care of yourself and really I would limit contact with your mother if I were you.

[foolonthehill]

Sad to see he is keeping to the twunt script of now minimising what happened.
this time you won't be sucked in though.

Glad DD1 has been in touch

keep on keeping on!

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

Still waiting for calls back from survivor, 3 bloody solicitors and council.

Dd is fast asleep otherwise I would be staging sit ins at their offices.
I have phoned back a number of times and been told yes there is a note here to call you urgently.

Don't have childcare until wednesday, certainly not going to leave Dd with mother.

Have a Ll inspection tomorrow afternoon, just don't want to put these things off.

And breathe

[blackcurrants]

Keep breathing Being, you're doing everything right. Well done getting a bit of kip - are you managing to eat? I'm sorry to hear your Mother's so toxic, don't worry about DD1, sounds like she's a smart lass with her head screwed on right.

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

Grrr typed a mammoth post and then lost it.

Shorter version one solicitor phoned back no appointments till the middle of next week.

Still no reply from survivor or council.

I'm going to have to contact twunt regarding the house, can't go through solicitors as I still don't have one plus I don't know the address of where he's staying.

I did wonder whether I could blag it at tenancy inspection tomorrow, make out he has a problem with his account, so will they transfer direct debit to mine?

I know it should be in writing, but thought if I play on the double bank holiday delays etc, they might allow it?

Trying to get the house straight tonight, will then have to go out all morning so Dd doesn't trash it all before they get here

[izzyizin]

DON'T contact the twunt.

See if you can blag it tomorrow and come back if you can't - but leave him out of it.

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

So you reckon it's worth the blag then?

Best work on my poker face tonight then

I really don't want to contact him, when I get a solicitor, will they ring him to get an address, or maybe email?

[foolonthehill]

Definitely don't contact him. You will most likely be able to stall them for a while....after all they have no reason to doubt your ability to pay or your desirability as tenant.

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

I'm just worried if he cancels direct debit it leaves me on the back foot with them.

I'm practising a little script for tomorrow

[foolonthehill]

Can you say that you have experienced some concern re your banking and ask them to phone you if it does not come through so you can make payment in person? Thus if he pays up...all well and good, if not you have a contingency and the LL will not be unduly concerned.

My guess would be that he is still planning to come back, just letting the dust settle and he won;t have done anything about the DD yet.

Try not to worry about everything all at once.

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

It may be wishfull thinking, but I honestly don't think he is planning on coming back.

His pride will be too wounded that I acted so unreasonably as to call the police on him and say such horrid things, it gives him even more reason to carry on playing the victim.

He's not the brightest spark, so I may be crediting him with too much intelligence to plan cancelling payment etc, however if he is still staying with fuckwit, he is a devious little shit.

[foolonthehill]

But surely he is too busy telling everyone how mad you were to get him arrested to deal with the bank?

Hope it all goes well tomorrow

Let's hope he goes and lives somewhere else soon!

(PS my own NSDH lived with his brother...also an abusive twat, they were hard to deal with together...but fortunately their egos did not allow them to carry on supporting and helping one another, so there is hope )

[BeingAWifeIsNotForMe]

As usual Fool you are spot on, there is always hope.

[ChippingInIsEggceptional]

The police always cart men off because they put their hands up and give their partners a little nudge to get past them didn't you know?




TWAT

So is he staying with DD1's Dad?

If you need a solicitor then use the one you used previously - she'll have seen it all before, don't be

Can you use your PPI money to rent somewhere else or better still as a deposit on a flat/house of your own?

I hope you get some sleep tonight
x

[mathanxiety]

The wounded pride is exactly why he would want to regain the upper hand by coming back, Being.

That way he could chalk this up as a victory for him.

That is why he keeps on hanging around and blanking people/coming back for his things -- to show you he still dominates his turf no matter what dim view the police may have of what he did to you. He is not going to just leave with his tail between his legs. (That is why you need to be cut and dried about him removing his traps by X date or else you will dispose of them.)

[izzyizin]

Sort one thing at a time, honey.

Don't fret about getting an address for him at this stage; that's for when/if you instruct a solicitor.

Put your poker face on, act as if nothing's amiss (it'll help if you imagine it's Tuesday of last week before the twunt kicked off), and give it your best blag