At what point do you just accept you are single and thats the way its going to stay?

[Singlesupplement]

Ive been on my own for 5 years now, post divorce. This will be my sixth summer on my own.

Im fine, i have a full life, noone would ever guess i long for a relationship, but i do.

For Whatever reason, its just not happening for me.

This comes off the back of a terrible weekend where i was stood up on a 4th date.

I do online dating, i go out and about with friends. But in this whole time ive not had one relationship, not even a short term fling.

I do not understand what the issue is, i keep trying but not getting anywhere.

At what point do i just give up, accept that thats it for me?

Im 35.

You don't have to join millions of classes. But if your life is work, home, sleep then the consequences of that are obvious. Just something once a month could be worthwhile.

I have Officially Given Up but were I 10 years younger I would be aiming for one internet date a month and maybe some other activity once a month - choir, pub quiz, art class. Etc.

So twice a month I would 'do' something. And after 10 years I would give up with no regrets and me and dog will sail off into sunset.

All men in their late 20s rose.

Bizarrely the only men online interested in me were generally 15 years older - but looked a lot, lot more,and did not have degrees. I don't know what they thought they would be gettingmoutmof a relationship with me!

1 internet date a month. hahahahaha, i can do, and do, one a week. I could do one daily should i so wish,

Ive been out with friends,the 3 fridays in a row, thats in an evening, to a pub/ club ( shocking to go out so much when you are a parent)

ive also been to the cinema with friends, once with my child. And im in a singing group which ive been to twice.

And i work, and i have a dog.

Like i said, i DO stuff, my life IS full.

and i expect its the same for many other people, hence the ' join a club' advice is no frustrating.

leslie - i also have no degree, though circumstance, not though lack of intelligence. This either puts people off because they dont tihnk im clever.... OR, they are put out that i am clever but shouldnt be because i dont have one.

Singlesupplement & Leslie - Trust me when I say I have met several people that had Masters degrees that got me scratching my head....it's not a big deal really it isn't.

And like I said, there is no magic wand, no reward. There isn't anything else you can be doing.

I think a rest and a recharge is in order. You are confident your frustration and fed up ness isnt leaking out in rl, but that might or be true.

That isn't to say your frustrations are unreasonable because they certainly are not. But it sounds like you are very fed up and need a break from it all.

The answer is staring you in the face, become a lesbian and go out with your lovely friend!

If you have four children, you work full time and you have no support then you are in a very difficult position. But the children will grow and not need babysitters for ever.

All you can do is try. That's all anyone can ever do.

I've kind of accepted I'll be single for another 10+ yrs or so, basically until the kids are old-ish teenagers.

If I'm not at work then I'm almost always with the kids or running errands. If I'm lucky I can go to the gym 3 times a week but it's dependant on when my family can help. No one ever has them overnight, or would be willing to. It sucks but until then I shall just pootle along with life on my own.

1 date a month? Jesus, I'd KILL to have one date a month. Two in 18 months was not exactly encouraging via online dating.

Honestly most 'interests' don't interest me. And nor would men who were involved in them. I like football but that's never got me anywhere except into arguments with men who hate my team!

I am out of the house for 12 hours a day so I certainly can't get a dog.

This thread has made me realise if the man I am currently dating turns out to be a dud (and its quite possible) I am up shit creek!

meglet, but do you not miss companionship? sex? flirting? love?

GGGRR, i can feel a rant about women being left with the children while errant husbands get no responsibilty anf frequent dating sites, coming on...

voice, why so little, dates are easy. dates of quality are not.

velvet, im sure anyone who didnt know better might say an interest in football would almost guarantee you a man....... its as useful as the join a club advice :)

I would AIM for one a month. I would try. Try again, fail again. Fail again, fail better. Then I would give up.

single - you want to try living where I am. And I'm a man. Women (apparently) get messaged by loads of guys so unless you stand out by being at least an 8 or 9 out of 10, you don't even get a reply. I'm realistic and would never message someone obviously out of my league to begin with but over the 18 months I did OD I only found a handful who I felt either were attractive or interesting. Without sounding shallow, you have to find someone attractive. Interestingly, both of the women I dated messaged me in the first instance.

Of course you need to find someone attractive.
If you online dated for that long, and never found more than 2 women attractive, id suggest you might be being a little picky/ unrealistic.
Attraction can come in many forms, people in person can be so much more attrative than a flat 2d picture. Id suggest maybe get chatting, see if you get on in emails and go from there. Dont worry about the looks part so much ( or stick it futher down your list)

Just a though, for getting out of your comfort zone and trying something different :)

Single - I didn't say I hadn't found more than 2 attractive. I said I found a handful attractive - but none of them replied. The 2 I did date messaged ME to begin with, I didn't message them first, and in both cases they weren't people I wouldn't have messaged in the first place (one outside a preferred age range, for instance) so I was prepared to go outside my comfort zone.

As much as women say XYZ about men on OD sites, I think it would help if more women set up a male profile and tried it the other way around. I think it would be fascinating for you all. I mean, until I tried OD, I had no idea that 90% of women seem to be REALLY interested in football or rugby!

I agree with single. Some people aren't very photogenic. What have you got to lose other than an hour or so of awkward coffee? And why not try people you think are out of your league? Worst they can do is ignore you.

its ok, it was just an idea.
I frequently mess around with age ranges, distances and things, because i could be cutting off my nose to spite my face.

i dont think anyones been overly harsh or said anything much about men who online date or date in general. its just been at the frustration of being single.

yes, some people take terrible pictures but might be lovely.

I dont have much or indeed any of a critera or tick list. Its not worked much better, but it has got me out there and ive had some fun times too. I go by how we get on on emails/ texts. If theres a spark in conversation, its worth a coffee, it is indeed, only an hour and you never know.

But if its a picture of you in your shorts in your bathroom, its a no from me I'm afraid.

Join a club. Join a FUCKING club. It's wonderful rot isn't it?! And whoever suggested zumba... great if you want to meet other women or the occasional gay man.

I used to get that, along with the belief that at single woman past the age of 30 in London would never meet a man. It's utter BS. The year I turned 30 I never went on so many dates, and met my DH.

Interestingly I did join a club, which had a preponderance of straight, single men in their 30s. It was a surf club, and I joined it because I surfed, not because I wanted to meet men. I ended up marrying a surfer but met him through friends not the club. But if you did want to join a man-filled club I'll pm you the details. You'll have to want to spend a lot of the time in on wind-swept beaches and in the freezing sea however so it may not be worth it.

If it helps, statistically you will meet someone, you're only in your 30s. And you only have to get it right once.

And here's my anecdote - Two friends of my mother's got divorced in their 40s. Both are happily married second time round, within 10 years, and one of them to a titled, nice, attractive gazillionaire. It does happen.

(That said the other lady seems very happy but her husband is more rightwing than Mussolini and looks like he's been pickled so horses for courses....)