At what point do you just accept you are single and thats the way its going to stay?

[Singlesupplement]

Ive been on my own for 5 years now, post divorce. This will be my sixth summer on my own.

Im fine, i have a full life, noone would ever guess i long for a relationship, but i do.

For Whatever reason, its just not happening for me.

This comes off the back of a terrible weekend where i was stood up on a 4th date.

I do online dating, i go out and about with friends. But in this whole time ive not had one relationship, not even a short term fling.

I do not understand what the issue is, i keep trying but not getting anywhere.

At what point do i just give up, accept that thats it for me?

Im 35.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Maybe give that a whirl then? As an experiment! See how it feels to be less open about whether you're into someone or not. Don't shag them until date five, or whatever. In all other ways be yourself, just hold back in terms of contacting them less swiftly, being a little less effusive, less available?

Might be interesting.

The times I've looked back and thought, sheesh, I made myself so available to that loser!

[Singlesupplement]

Yeah. Thats my new tactic. Nothing to lose.

Datingname change- brilliant post :)

[ZolaBuddleia]

Absolutely yes to being open and casting off preconceptions etc. I met DP because I had moved, didn't know anyone, therefore out of necessity had to try to meet more people. As I said upthread, I totally threw out my previous ideas of what I wanted, and when I met a bloke who was fab company and went with the flow, regardless of the lack of instant chemistry.

Is a big shake up of life possible? A new job? Or a job where you come into contact with ever changing new faces? Moving house to a new town? Are their any new dating that might offer fresh meat a more targeted selection?

I think Americans have the right idea (or they do in films, anyway!), there seems to be a much more casual dating culture, you can meet someone at a supermarket etc, and ask them for their number without it being the declaration of undying love it is here.

Sorry if you've thought of all these things, or tried most of them . I really do sympathise, being single when you don't want to be is shit.

[LemonPeculiarJones]

Cool. Do come back and tell us if it made any difference!

Dating arf at cunty cuntofferson. Unusual name, what's his heritage?

[Singlesupplement]

I have just moved house and started a new job.
:)

[Singlesupplement]

And i was new to the area 4 years ago.
:)

[ZolaBuddleia]

there. Ashamed. Was so excited about your new life I took my eye off my spelling.

I've never been able to not shag someone I fancy, unfortunately, but I'm certain that if you don't and it goes belly up, then at least there is less to feel bad about.

[VelvetSpoon]

Helltothe, I don't come across in RL as superior, quite the opposite. However I can't help (or hide) being intelligent and having a good career, which apparemtly puts off many (inadequate) men.

I think accepting it is all a lottery is made all the more difficult because people are always waiting to tell you how you haven't tried hard enough/need to make more effort. When the reality is that you can't make it happen, much as I would want that to be the case.

[LeslieWink1e]

TOTALLY agree with perceptions of single men and single women being part of the problem, even down to some of the comments on this thread! i am not coming accross as desperate! I know that, I just have no interest in somebody who isn't good company. I have enough friends who are good company to save me from clinging to any rafts. So, definitely, definitely not desperate. ANd now somebody will tell me I'm too fussy. But it's not that either. I am not fussy about shallow things. I just want a decent, loyal, good humoured man who is good company and my equal. 90% of the time I just get on with it. I was in a family environment with my kids at the weekend, and I was thinking how five years ago it would have upset me, but as it is now, off I set, the three of us, used to it being the three of us, no buggies, no nappies, just three people, one big one and two middle sized ones, to have some fun. I know we'll be fine. I think it's a shame though.
Some of the comments on here are a bit patronising, and all wrapped up in the problem I guess. Just because you choose carefully where and who to vent to does NOT mean that you're not positive!

[LeslieWink1e]

So, if you're 42, do you just have to accept that the only men who'd be interested in you are a decade older?! Not sure I want that either. I run, I work out, I am in good shape. I'm not prematurely grey, I don't wear reading glasses, I don't know, Maybe I need to accept reality but I just don't want a man that reminds me of my dad.

[LeslieWink1e]

At Dating, yes, I often think well, I have kids, I ticked that box, so if I could see my future and somebody said, yes, you do meet somebody in between 2-5 years, even that would send me off with a smile to be honest. I have friends a couple of years ago staring down the barrel of forty without having become a mother (and I knwo they wanted a child but were watchign that option disappear in the rear view mirror)

[datingnamechange]

Lemon - He is an unusual hybrid of arsetastic entitled cheating cunt. Sadly, there are many in his tribe

Velvet - no apologies. I think the key is to maintain your own self-worth. That isn't being 'up' yourself. It is being true to yourself. It is important not to be too wedded to pre-conceived ideas but that is entirely different to 'lowering' your standards and accepting something or someone that is wrong for you.

I ended up (as I think I said in my first post) someone who wasn't a terrible person but frankly not good enough for me as I was vunerable and felt like a bit of company and the idea of being found attractive was enough for a while. It was actually worse than being along (which I rectified when I woke up to myself). On the otherhand a local guy - not my 'type' - but on the surface very very nice and interesting - is possibly expressing interest in me. I say 'possibly' as I have known him for 2 years as a friend of a friend, thought he may ask me out a few years ago - didn't eventuate - see him handful of times through his business and chat happily - now has asked me out for dinner but not sure if it is as friends or not....he is single/no kids - not quite sure what I will 'do' about it as I use his 'business' several times a year with my son and don't want to have to not if things get awkward (his business is transport - boats - and no other provider)....we will see....

Single - you sound articulate, funny and sorted. If I was an annoying sort I would say it is a matter of time. But I'm not. So I won't

[EternalRose]

At 40, I wouldn't have a problem with dating someone who is in their 50's. I have only ever liked older men so I don't know where that puts me really. I like men in their mid thirties to early 40's and I am only in my twenties. Men in that age range are just physically more attractive to me . Men my age often look very, very, young and want to just have no strings attached sex, sex, sex and play the field, no substance to it at all. Hell, you only have to watch Geordie shore to see that! I could never go out with someone 21! We are all different in that respect I guess.

Leslie, I actually agree with you on everything you have said on this thread to be honest. Especially regarding the whole FWB thing..

I have to say though, I get bored of men very, very, quickly. They have to be intelligent, or have 'something' about them. Would hate to be one of those couples that sits in a restuarant not saying a word to each other over fine dining. Oh wait, I may have done that before....

Single Supplement - I have never really played hard to get, but it is most definitely difficult to weed out the ones who are insincere if you look very sexy...

[Spero]

Who advised 'inventing' interests? I didn't.

I advised 'broadening' your interests if they are limited to shopping, telly and pub. Surely, in this whole wide world there is something beyond that to try and enjoy?

[LemonPeculiarJones]

dating - ah yes, the cuntersson tribe. They are legion

[datingnamechange]

Lemon - one born every minute according to the Relationships board on Mumsnet

[Singlesupplement]

leslie -im with you on the older man thing. I recently, as an experiment, had a few dates with a man 12 years older than me. It was awful, it felt like i was kissing my dad. He felt like an old person and he was SO sleezy and asked me to suck his cock as he could tell i would like it. Thats the end of doing that again.

Eternal, i dont look sexy. I dont dress sexily. I just, and its been said to me many times, but this is a quote from a lesbian friend ' you just have to look at you and you know you would have the best and filthiest time with you'
I dont know why.


leslie - may i applaud you on some very good posts there. I have accepted it it, its just me and the boy, and i dont think twice about it. But then i get an odd momment, like you, and just think its such a shame. Im young, Im damn lovely, and i shouldnt be on my own ( ALL the time).

Spero - i think if velvet is happy with what shes interested in, then thats just fine. It is her life, afterall. Im happy with what im interested in ( which is a lot more) and again, its not actually got me anywhere, other than people telling me its too many interests and it could be intimidating. Fuck that :)

[DukeSilver]

Rose I am in the same situation as you, same age and one child.

I thought no body would be interested because I had a child but I have actually been surprised by the fact that no body has been bothered so far. I had a 6 month relationship last year which I ended and I have had a few dates which I have chosen not to persue, not the other way around.

Obviously it makes things a bit more difficult and complicated but it definitely doesn't have to mean the end of your love life :)

[EternalRose]

Singlesupplement - at your friends comment, she was definitely being honest!

Interests are all well and good, but are they realistic? Snowboarding after a 13 hour shift anyone?

[EternalRose]

Duke - It's good to know you have had good experiences, has this been with men your age or older?

[Spero]

Of course, if Lemon is happy that is great. Shopping pub and telly sounds fine to me!

But I thought the complaint was not meeting anyone worth while. So I thought the solution to that would be to meet more people? Ergo, branch out a bit.

Art classes? Volunteer work? Dog?

But since getting a dog I am amazed at how willing dog owners are to stop and chat.

Not wishing to depress Lemon further but I agree that the education/achievement issue is probably an issue for quite a lot of men.

[Singlesupplement]

ah, its fine :) ive had it a lot. Like i said, i dont know why, its just one of those things. Lady at work said it the other day too me too.

Snowboarding after a 13 hour shift is possible if you are a single man with no committments. As is going out drinking all weekend and not coming home till 5 in the morning. Another common ' hobby'

[Singlesupplement]

I have a dog. He is old now, hes never got me a date, he has got me lots of random conversations. But no romance, Clearly hes not going his job.. im off to call battersea ......

:)

[LeslieWink1e]

Spero, because i DO have my life to be getting on with, I can't join millions of classes. I may (when I've sorted out a few other more important things, not romantic) get down to that. A dog is a good idea actually.
I'm clever but not educated and that doesn't seem to appeal to men either. I find people presume I have a degree, so you can't win. I don't want a man who is relieved that actually I don't .

[LeslieWink1e]

ha ha singlesupplement!