Husband has just left. Doesn't love me any more. I am destroyed.

[UterusUterusGhali]

He hasn't loved me for a while.
Haven't had sex for ages. He doesn't fancy me. Sees me more as a sister.

I want to curl up and die. Im just bereft. I don't know how I can carry on.

It's all small baby steps at the moment. Time feels like it's going so slowly because it feels purposeless. But it's not, that's just your grief.

Remember to breathe. It sounds like a silly thing to say but sometimes everything becomes so overwhelming that we forget that we are alive. Breathe deeply and remember you are still here, you still have a life and you will be a stronger person coming through this.

xx

I can't eat.
Ironic really. He thought I was too fat.

I'm dressed. I put make up on, but in the wrong order. (!)
So muddled.

Not eating is normal - you are only a day in. It's your body's response to shock. Try to have some milky drinks to keep some nutrition in. In a few days you'll find you can pick at stuff. I lost a stone in the first month or so. Don't worry, you won't starve.

xx

I remember feeling like this too when xh said he didnt love me anymore , it was an awful time but it will get better.

Dont expect too much of yourself just get through each day for now

Uterus- you have changed slightly. Are seeing his faults and getting angry. The anger is what will pull you through eventually. Welcome it in.
He sounds like a bellend which you will see in weeks to come.
Sorry I know it's superficial but I lost two stones when he left. It really helped me through the pain as I wriggled into my size 12s.

The mn who did this to me has just been to pick up dd.
He is grey and wrinkly and lives at 43 with his gf mother and their two children. He has no money no proper job and dies nothing for his gf.
I am sat on the sofa in my nice home cuddling my lovely baby whilst dh cooks me a lovely lunch. I am very happy.
This will be you.
When are your dc coming back?

Man sorry not mums netter

You are all being so helpful.

It's really comforting to know others have been through this & survived. When I think of all the strong, confident divorcees I know, it does give me some hope.
Like, er, Princess Anne. (?)

I'm going to end up a bitter old cat lady like my mother.

For Debt;

Visit all banks with your joint names and have them frozen immediately, so he cannot run up anymore debt. (personally I would withdraw every last penny form these accounts first in order to ensure I can meet daily expensive for the time being)

Open accounts under your sole name and have all direct debits leave your own bank account from now. Do this before freezing joint accounts, once joint accounts are frozen you cannot withdraw any oeny from them. Therefore ensure your pay goes into your own sole name bank account.

Apply to the CSA now (he's left you can)

Apply for single occupancy discount of council tax.

Go to CAB about managing the current back log of bills related to your home.

Take care of yourself, round up friends and family for all and every offer of help.

You will get thro it.

You will not be a mad cat lady (unless you want to be), it takes time you will get thro this, and in a years time you will be looking back and wondering why you put up with him.

You will get thro this, I did, you can and you will.

Big huge hugs, and much love and kick ass vibes.

You defo won't be a mad cat lady because you have three kids and you won't have time!

When are you expecting him to come back with your DCs? Try to summon all your power and not cry when he comes. You are sounding different, more kind of in control - well done.

There is so much good advice on here about how to move forwards. Are you DCs school age? Well you have a chance to start looking into stuff tomorrow?

When I was pregnant the second time with AND having had PND with the first one, I knew I would get through it, despite feeling horrendous and like I wanted to hide and shut my brain down. I knew it was a finite amount of time and that somehow kept me going through it. Maybe thinking about your divorcee friends and looking at where they are might help in the same kind of way?

Sending you strength x

Mad cat lady?? No you will not. I sent our cat along with him then 3 yrs later bagged myself a rather lovely toy boy.
Cats indeed

You have had such tremendous advice and support her uterus, especially from downunderdolly and ledkr.

I just want to tell you that I've been through it too and 2 years on life is better, it really is. I could have written downunders first post myself, that's how it was. But now I am a mad cat lady who does what she likes when she likes and with whom - and I answer to NO-ONE except myself.

I still love my ex h despite everything but I no longer care what he's doing or what his life's like.

You need as much support in RL as you can get, believe me. People WANT to help but you must ask for it and accept it when it's offered. Don't let what he said to you grind you down any longer, please.

Yeah, I'm a mad cat lady. It's not so bad really...but you have to like cats .

"Yeah, I'm a mad cat lady. It's not so bad really...but you have to like cats. "

Me too flippin.

UUG, I hope you're feeling a little better today. I second what everyone on here has said, try to rest, take each moment at a time, make sure you keep hydrated and try to eat little amounts when you can. I remember for the first few weeks I lived off tinned peaches, ravioli and Weetabix. I was in the very early stages of pregnancy at the time, but it didn't do me any harm. And keep drinking.

I know you're at the very beginning of this awful journey, and you probably aren't even considering where you'll be in 3 months, 6 months, or even a year's time. But I would like to give you hope.

My STBXH left suddenly on 1 August last year. He took me into town after work on the pretence of going out for some food and then watching a cricket game. He pulled into the car park, then said, completely out of the blue that he 'couldn't do this anymore' (that old fucking chestnut) and asked me to get out the car. He got increasingly aggressive. I was confused and distraught. I got out the car and he drove off. My Dad came to pick me up, took me home, and we discovered he'd moved out of the house that day, whilst I'd been at work. He'd taken all of his belongings and many of 'ours'.

I am pregnant, expecting his child at the end of March. He had a mistress who was, at the time he left, 5 months pregnant. I had no idea he was having an affair. We had been trying to conceive for 3 years and were undergoing fertility treatment.

The first few weeks were awful. A maze of shock and anger and tears. At the same time of having to deal with solicitors, doctors, counsellors, work too. I am still going through it now, we're yet to get divorced, his OW doesn't know I'm pregnant, and finances are a huge issue.

BUT, I'm SO RELIEVED he's gone. The fog lifted quite soon after he'd left. I got angry. And this anger spurred me on. I asked for lots of support and people gave it in spades. I realised I was so unhappy and insecure because he'd made me that way. People ask if I'm lonely. Definitely not. It was far far lonelier being in a relationship with someone who treated me like shit. I have peace and contentment now.

Sorry for wittering, but try to hold onto this. I am thinking of you lots.

Tricky what a lovely, thoughtful post.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that though. Bloody hell.

UUG hope you're feeling a little better. Small steps xx

Oh blimey Tricky!
You are one amazing lady!
What a moving story! What a cunt your ex is!

It's true I was lonely in a loveless relationship.

I've picked at some of the kids leftovers, and do feel better for it.

He has taken the boys to his mums for tge night. Dd & I are snuggled on the sofa playing silly iPhone games. She is making me laugh.

I'm so frightened of the night. I spoke to the dr who was spectacularly useless. I've upped my dose of sertraline, but it won't help me sleep.

You are in such a bad place at the moment, you sound so desperate and so bereft....

But there sounds like there is more behind his behaviour than he is letting on, I think he is keeping you in the dark so he is in control of the situation.
You have had the carpet pulled from under you, and lost what you thought you could rely on but at the same time you have to try to hold yourself together for the sake of your 3 children. He knows this and is relying on this. I think you are desperate to understand what is happening, but without all the info you are struggling in the dark against something you don't understand. He is making excuses and putting the blame on you. Anyone who puts you through this by text message, is frankly not worth it.

You need to put you and your children first. Think twice before you do something, be kind to yourself, try to get enough sleep (easier said than done when your mind is so distraught), keep eating and keep talking. Talking about feelings can help you sort out where you are, help you get by day to day, one step at a time, and eventually talking can help you understand yourself and make sense of your life.

But for now, one step at a time.

Downunderdolly and Lucyellensmum95 talks a lot of sense

You are right, purples.

He seems genuinely surprised at my distress.

He's dumped you by text(!!)and is "genuinely surprised" you're upset?

You are amazing uterus. Look how well you are doing.
You are going to be fine.
Right about the night thing.remember I said earlier that your cortisole levels are higher in the early hours. You cannot change this I'm afraid unless you do exercise which is unlikely.
My nights went like this.
Go to bed late as putting it off. Feel a bit shit but go off ok. Wake at 3.30 bloody fuming and planning to kill him and ow. Think of all our past and wonder if she was around then.
Make tea. Watch tv or read a book in bed.
Try to sleep again. If not get up.
This will pass in time and is worse if you don't eat.
Herbal sleeping tabs work ok.
I developed a technique where I would allow myself a little think then in my head I saw a wooden trunk and would make him and her climb into a box and shut the lid. It really works.
You have wasted too long with someone who can't give you what you need.
You will get over it quickly because there is nothing to miss.
I was far better off financially on my own and really began to enjoy my little life.
You are doing brilliantly and we are all here for you.
Well done.

Oh and there's always someone awake on here to chat to at night as I know from experience.

Followed the thread and so pleased to read that you seem a bit better than last night.

Stay strong and focus on your kiddies. I agree the nights will be harder, can you drag DD into bed with you tonight? Maybe watch a film?

I hope you are ok. Sending you lots of good wishes x x x

I am putting off sleep. Watching movies with dd which has the added benefit of popcorn consumption.

You're doing so well already Uterus. Showing small signs of rallying already. It's going to be a bumpy road..but you will get to the end of it, and then the road forks and you have lots more options and the sun is at the end of a lot of them. You will have choices (even though you have three dc, you will still have endless choices and opportunities). You will meet new people, life will weft and weave it's way onwards.

You ex is a knob. He has the upper hand right now but you are your children's mother and carer. He will have a lot of loss to live with.

I too suspect or worry that he may not have given you the full truth yet. Brace yourself.

A similar thing happened to me and the shock and devastation was awful. I clearly remember the constant adrenalin rush, sleeplessness, tears, confusion and inability to function. I thought I'd never recover. But after four months I began to turn a corner. My ex husband left me in hideous debt and with a 6 month old baby..have never seen him since the day he walked down the garden path.

I sought all the friends and support I could, I relied on fantastic MNtters to see me through a whole load of crap, and I clutched onto my beautiful son and stayed strong as possible for him.

Your life is going to be soooooo much better without this husband of yours around to make you feel like a pile of horse poo.

Very proud of you. From one sister to another!!

Uterus, my coping techniques for getting me through the nights was making sure that I had a pen and scrap paper by the bed (lots of scrap paper) and a therapy book (yep, I went and bought several self-help books about understanding affairs/betrayal etc as my scenario was an XH who'd had an affair) and a good bit of fiction. I found that writing all the thoughts in my head, just letting them pour out of the pen, really helped me. I would do that night after night. I wrote so fast and so furiously sometimes that it was often illegible the next day but it seemed to help me.

MY XH was incredulous at my distress when he told me about the affair. He had had to detach from our relationship to such an extent to cope with his affair and had done such a good job of convincing himself that I didn't love him, want him and was an evil woman blah blah blah that he was truly stunned to discover that I still loved him.

I suspect your H has spent a while detaching too.