Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

And it wasn't just a bad day as he claimed after.

He moaned about attending scans (some of us have to work! Even though I worked full time too) about how hard my three day labour was for him to watch and I was persuaded not to breast feed as they were his favourite part of me and he wouldn't feel the same way about me, fancy me etc if I used them as nature frigging intended!!

Mine are nothing in comparison to some of these. Feel :( for you all.

According to M, my good teeth are down to the fact she drank so much milk in pregnancy.

She believed I was on drugs as a teen because I was so anti social and didnt talk to her....errm no. I was depressed because she was impossible to live with. But sure...think the worst of me.

After my DF complimented a cake I baked she said, "Its not as good as mine." in a real sneery way and refused to eat any.

Not to mention the blatant favouritism for my brother. The general bitching behind my back. The lies to cover herself and then gaslighting me. Oh and ofcourse, if I ever point out anything I am upset about I am attacking her. I am horrible and shes doing everything right.

Lots of love to everyone on this thread.

I come from a very large family and there seems to be a huge streak of narcisissm in all of them.

the only was i could survive thier toxic relationships. I've been 300 miles away for 8 years, and finally let my guard down and invited one of them to be friends on facebook. OH the fall out .... It's all so Jeremy Kyle.

Leave me alone, I'm happy here with a family who enjoy my company, dont look for things to take offence over and who understand that anything i say, comes from a place of love.

I could give you examples of what has been said and done, but its just too painful. It is possible to break the chain though. DD has a lovely supportive childhood.

Oh, I had the 'Now that you have children I don't come first anymore' line too. Also 'why did you pick that name for DS1/DS2?' She had been hoping for a male version of her name, it turned out. Disappointment x 2.

Recently, I got: 'You must make sure you have plenty of fun with your children because one day they'll leave you and you'll have NOTHING.' I think she may be projecting.

Last Christmas (2011) she decided she couldn't cope. She did almost nothing about it and when we arrived, there was no tree or any decorations. DS1 was very disappointed as we were staying there for Christmas and he was tree-obsessed. I dug out a small tree and decorated it so there was something seasonal about the house, as otherwise it was too bleak. The day we were leaving, I had about two minutes to take it down and put the baubles, lights etc away, as I knew it would be a major gripe if I left it for her to do. Ever since, she has complained - to anyone who will listen - that I put the decorations away in the wrong boxes. This explains why there was no tree this year either. (This is typical of my thoughtlessness, obv.)

If she's upset about something (and she's always upset about something) she tells me my father is VERY annoyed about it. He finds this infuriating and it is never true.

Very often, she tells me I am lucky that she was such a good mother and set a good example to me because her own mother was so awful...

Ex: 'I can't come back a day early for your brother's funeral because I only get one holiday a year!'

Letter ex wrote to me to explain he met someone else and moving abroad whilst I was 7 months pregnant. It ended 'I am going to have a good life because I deserve it.'

Flugelpip, the competition is heating up now. You are still a front runner, though.

Mine are nothing compared to this, really.

Those of you with narcissistic control freak parents, do you find you attract narcissistic control freak friends too? I have often found that to be the case and I've had to work really hard in the past couple of years to get those types of friends out of my life.

I had a narcissist best friend all the way through secondary school, who controlled me, made nasty comments, alienated others from me, all under the guise of the fact that I 'always had her'.

Then onto college, where I had another narcissist best friend. This time one that thought she was gorgeous and that everyone else was pig ugly,and this meant lots of passive aggressive comments about my looks, hair, make up, dress sense etc, all dressed up in a sugary sweet voice so I was unsure about whether or not she was being nice or horrible, therefore it was hard to pinpoint for years whether she was nice or not.

And in adulthood I've had a fair few friends like that too. I seem to attract people that just want to talk about themselves, and who have little or no loyalty to me as their number one priority is always themselves and they'll do anything to save their own bacon and to make themselves look good to others. I don't think Facebook helps either; it seems to be narcissists that dominate the newsfeed with tales of how wonderful their lives are.

I've never wanted kids.

This wasn't a problem until I had a serious relationship. Mum had never believed me but now, a MAN told her neither of us wanted them.

What about ME. I want Grandchildren.

Another funny one, I mentioned my cousin has green eyes.

DM: No, they are blue, like mine.

My mum once mentioned to my narc dad that maybe he could wish her happy birthday...since it was her birthday.

He said, "No, it isn't. It isn't today."

She, to be fair, did retort, "Um, yes it is, I should know?"

I thought of another, F told my nan she had a new ggd she said, well your brother got the new part for his car.
F told her again incase she didnt hear....she heard but she couldnt give a shit really!

Thats one woman i hate to see, shes so miserable and tries to bring everyone around her down......bores me!

Sending me a pic of a beautiful 20 something posing for him in her knickers and telling me look. . i have her! But i still want you. . doesn't that prove I love you?

My DF managed a great one this morning. Got an email a couple of days ago saying his cousin had cancer and things not looking good. Emailed back saying obviously very sorry to hear that, hope he pulls through and offered a couple of practical ways DF could help. This morning got an email saying I was very unsympathetic. He didn't need offers of ways to help his cousin, what he needed was sympathy for how the news made him feel!!

Seems to be a common theme on this thread - how the bad news is much worse for them than the person it concerns.

Oh my gosh, spiritedaway, what a total arsehole! I hope he remained an ex!!

XP (frontman in a rock band and the biggest narc going) complained when I booked and paid for a holiday in a cottage in Cornwall for MY birthday: "getting the train all that way is SO exhausting." He then missed said train because he spent an hour straightening his hair. Subsequently I ended up paying another £160 for our train fares because our tickets were only valid on one specific train. He refused to help me with my heavy luggage or let me sit near the window to enjoy the view, said he was "too skint" to buy me a birthday present and I shouldn't be so "materialistic".

Later that week he gets drunk (could never handle his drink) and a receipt falls out of his pocket which shows the day before my birthday he spend £900 on a mountain bike for himself! When I questioned this, he went ballistic, shouting "you're not my mother!" He stormed off and promptly did a faceplank in the middle of the street. Oh, how I laughed...

Fortunately I saw sense and got rid of him, although I did have an interesting conversation recently with another ex of his about what an unbelievable narc he was. Apparently, when her DM had cancer, he accused her of making it up to get attention and when he realised it WAS true, he accused her of being selfish for getting upset about it around him because it was depressing for HIM!

So many of the things here have been said by my mother to me too.

I think I've done pretty well at forgetting many of the things said/done throughout my childhood/teens.

The most recent event was a couple of weeks ago when I'd popped home to see my dad off on his business trip. He'd left that morning and called from the airport, I picked up the phone as mother was on the other line. We were having a lovely chat when my mother realised who was on the end of the phone and satrted ranting about how I'm always stealing her husband away from her, it's [i]her[/i] time to talk to [i]her[/i] husband. He's MY father! I have as much right to talk to him as her?!?!
This was infront of all my brothers mates, mortifying.

I'm in competition with her apparently, stealing her husband away. Taking all his time.....he's my dad!!!!! Who I only see a handful of times a year!

Then later that same day when I dropped her off to her physio I got a mouthful of how selfish I am, how when I have children I'll understand real hatred and wish I'd never had them :(

I'm not allowed to be ill/tired/down etc because she's always iller/more tired/sooooo depressed.

This is just a snap shot of my narc mother, there's so much more. But one good thing is I've vowed to never ever be a mother like her.
Thankfully I'm like my father....although that just gives her more ammunition.

When I told my Mum that I was ill with Anxiety and Depression for the first time last year she said 'oh not you as well, as if I dont have enough to deal with'

I had been avoiding her since Xmas as I had been ill again and eventually sent her an email explaining that I was ill with depression again but that I was dealing with it and that I would contact her very soon. Contacted her eventually and all she said was 'oh you must be better now, good' I just said that I was, it was easier.

When I was a lot younger I told Mum that I wanted to be a police officer. She laughed and said that I probably should be a traffic warden if I wanted to wear a uniform.

I never did have the confidence to do it and its one of my biggest regrets :-(

sashh "Mum had never believed me but now, a MAN told her neither of us wanted them."

SNAP! My M thinks that men are literally God's gift to women. Doesn't matter what a woman says - A N other man MUST know better....

HMG83 "satrted ranting about how I'm always stealing her husband away from her..."

SNAP! If my DF and I have a cheerful, happy conversation then she gets mega-jealous. Once I returned from Uni and was talking to him. She chipped in with something factually wrong. He disagreed with her whilst looking at me (I was nodding). She then stormed off saying something like "Oh now you're going to talk to HER, now SHE'S back".....

Maybe I should abandon the awards ceremony idea and concentrate on Narc bingo cards instead?

My parents came to visit three days after DS was born. They went on & on about how huge and abnormal my stomach looked. How M's 'hadn't looked like that with you two'.

She even took photos for her 'hall of shame' so she could show everyone. I explicitly asked her to stop. My Dsis still caught her taking sneaky shots.

They came back a few days later (I know, I know). I asked my mum wait a bit before holding DS as she chuffs 60 a day & reeked of fags. She went ballistic, shouting how unreasonable & ridiculous I was. How typical this was of me.

When i explained the why, she told me to piss off, stormed out to the car and sat there for an hour crying about how depressed she felt and how shit her life was.

I hobbled between her & my dad with a newborn & an episiotomy for an hour and a half, making teas until they decided to leave. NEVER again.

My dad when his dad died 'everyone keeps asking how my mum is but what about me' my husband when I wised up to his ways ' you changed since you stopped smoking'
Last week we were both ill, he said 'do you think you are the illest person in the house' as he thought he was more sick than me. Never his fault, ever

Can people please stop saying things like ooh! your mum is way worse than mine! it doesn't help and its quite hurtful.

Told narc mother I was feeling down after having DS2, she said " Now, you must remember not to tell anyone else you're feeling like this because social services will come and take him away."

I got raped over the phone when I was about seven: sounds impossible, but let's just say the voice got me to do things. My brother found me in floods of tears, tights round my ankles, the whole nine yards. Police came. My M refused to change the phone number because "she needed it for business calls". The number got passed around other like-minded individuals and for a few months I wasn't allowed to answer the phone, but my (older) siblings had to deal with plenty of nastiness - they hung up straight away though.

And the reason she needed to keep the phone number the same? My M was a self-employed child psychologist.