Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

Soundwave, I got that too from my mother when I had PND! Also for some odd reason every time I was pregnant she always whispered words like 'pregnancy' 'baby' 'labour'. Really odd.

BlackpoolLE, my mum I think pretends I don't exist whenever she is with my kids. She undermines me with them. I just ignore her now though, otherwise I'd want to punch her!!

Ohh Another from husband, he says to his adult daughter when face timing her about her baby girl, 'where's MY girl' erm no she isn't yours she is m and b's girl !

Here's a few gems from my "dear" mother. Most of these are from my childhood (6-10 years):

DM: Your brother is my favourite well you are my favourite daughter.

DM: I can tell you this because you're me really, aren't you?

DM: I gave birth to you, you owe me your life.

DM: Stop thinking! Your problem is you think too much. Just do as I say.

DM: I used to find you so annoying. You've improved the last few years.

When I called her about my first pregnancy I told her she could tell her sisters but I'd like to call my brother and let him know. She agreed. Promised she wouldn't say anything. Literally 15 minutes after hanging up the phone to her I called my brother and guess what... she had already phoned him and told him to keep quiet that he already knew my news.

Best thing I ever did was cut her out of my life.

"stop crying, you have nothing to cry about." Followed by "Right, I'll give you something to really cry about".
She used to keep us up really late so we were crying with tiredness.

My gran - this is why I pile on threads and tell people NOT to let their young kids stay with their narc grand-parent.

When my brother nearly died of an asthma attack: "It wouldn't have happened if your mother was a better mother, she gave him asthma by being a bad cook." (My mother was a great cook - Corden Bleu in fact, but gran hated people being better at anything than she was)

Oooh, great thread

My mother:

Was at birth of ds1 which was 24 hours of screaming, horrific butchery which I won't bore you with, but once ds1 had been revived after 7 minutes of not breathing and rushed to SCBU, and I was being wheeled screaming into theatre for emergency surgery, while haemorrhaging everywhere, Mum announced "Well, it's all over with now, so I'm off home" I was in hospital for 6 weeks. DS1 and I nearly died. Poor Mum came down with a "nerve rash".

Was at birth of ds2 which was much shorter but just as violent. Mum stayed long enough to see little ds2 in his little matinee jacket. She popped off home while the nurse was rigging up the Hartmann's solution and calling the doctor to see to my PPH.

About ds2's strawberry mark: "Well I won't deny it Greensleeves, it does change how I feel about him. The sooner he has it off the better. It is harder to love a child with a facial disfigurement, I don't like looking at it".

Told me aged 15 "I think your father might be impotent" - her evidence was that he had turned her down for sex. She had been married to somebody else for 10 years at the time..

Said "Oh children's feelings are skin-deep" about her kids/divorce

Told me "I hope you are not going to make a big THING out of this. It was nothing. He was just confused" when my stepfather ran his hand up the inside of my thigh during a Christmas board game. I was 19 and he had lived with me since I was 5. I was wearing a short skirt though

Decided one day to be all brave and good because she was training to be a counsellor. Asked me to "talk to her" and tell her about any bad memories I had from my childhood "I never listened enough, I can take it now" she said. I chose the one about her making us pack our stuff into tea chests and dumping me and my brother in my father's front yard in the rain when I was 11, as we had never brought her anything but heartache. She sat silently and only reacted when I got to the bit where she picked us up again a few hours later and said "Greensleeves, get in the front, you are not going ANYWHERE. Greenbro - you can leave any time you like". She cried a bit and said "I would never have said anything like that to him, did I? How could I? No wonder he hates me..". She then dried her tears and said to me "Well if there is any more of it, you had better get yourself to a therapist. I've done my bit.

Must resist the urge to go on. And on...

Oh, I simply cannot resist another one, sorry.

When going through one of her "I can see auras and shit" phases, she decided that ds1 was "a special child with a destiny", and would go far in life and be a sort of Christ-figure. DS2, she opined, had been born to act as a sort of "helpmeet to his brother". They were 2 and about 1 month at the time. She later decided she had a particular psychic link to ds2, he shared her gift, and it transcended the mere bagatelle of me being his mother.

It is a bit freaky when they decide that your children are actually their children. Both my M and MIL refer to DS1 as 'my baby' (not DS2, funnily enough. And DS1 is actually DGC4 for MIL).

With my M, I was really paranoid that she would steal DS1 away from me and not give him back. I didn't feel that way with anyone else, just her. I am not particularly maternal so I found the experience really odd! I think I am just very used to her muscling her way in and trying to usurp whatever is most precious to me :(

She and my DF will get loads of time with my DC whilst they're little but I don't think they realise that I am watching very carefully with a fucking clipboard for ANY signs of narc-like behaviour towards their DGC. If when it does happen, I plan to implement a 'two strikes' policy. One strike = warning, two strikes = game over.

From my Dad: -
Dog Egg, listening to you on the phone I reckon the person on the other end would imagine you as a charming person.

and............
Your Mother wasn't cold, she was just a private person. For example she didn't breastfeed you because it was too intimate for her, too animal.

From my Mum: -
I didn't want children. I wouldn't have had them if it wasn't for your Dad and even then I wish I'd stopped at one.

and...........
when I moved house "Well that will mess up my address book."

And slightly related..........
When I wouldn't go to sleep at night they packed a case with all my clothes and put it by my bed telling me that if I didn't sleep they'd take me to a childrens home and leave me there. My brother's therapist described that as "A bad parenting decision." Really? You think?

One of the worst, during intimate clinch: 'I can see my reflection in your eyes'

@ "A bad parenting decision."

I know I shouldn't laugh but that did make me chuckle. Sorry DogEgg.

No apology necessary TheOne, it is hilarious.

My mother was gutted when I told her that getting a first class degree meant I could do a funded masters course I had applied for. I was a single parent at the time.

She said. " so. You're still not going to get a job then? You always were a lazy git."

So true about them always being sicker,having more problems,suffering more. yadda yadda.
Its become a standing joke amongst my family not to tell mum any of your problems, because she immediately replies with how she is more tired, more sick,suffered more, than you could ever possibly have.

onefewer that's amazing, you should be so proud of yourself.

A gem from my DF
On hearing I had flunked out of med school owing to depression:
"Well, I knew from the start you'd never be able to hack it".
Haven't spoken to him since and will be starting a master's in a subject I love next year.

XP and I had a relatively minor car crash at slow speed in his car with him driving. It scared the hell out of me because it was with a huge lorry which crashed into the passenger's door where I was sitting - he had been trying to sneak into a traffic jam, but the driver of the lorry hadn't seen him. I'd kept on saying, 'He doesn't see us', but XP had ignored me. Anyway, after the crash, when I'd been crying and shaking XP turned on me and started screaming asking me to show more consideration for him - how did I think my tears made him feel? He was (and presumably still is) a clinical psychologist....

Oh, this is so weird, I recognise lots of these. Am only just realising in forties that it really is them.

The trying on the wedding dress one is indee weird- reminded me that my mum bought the same perfume as me and wore it to my wedding, I had to change mine.

On the subject of the wedding, DP's told me that they would maybe come to it depending how my sister was. She was not ill btw.

Dcs naming day, they told me by weren't coming in passing as "it's not their sort of thing" They then did come as found out my aunt and uncle were coming (they don't like them!). DM then told me that they had excluded her and ruined the day (not true) and that the poem I had chosen was "very cynical". It was I thought a lovely and humorous poem, and other people had told me how they had welled up.

On a mc I had, DM told me that at least I knew I could get pregnant and that was that.

After having ds I was told needed transfusion and had to go back to hospital. Rang to tell them, DF laughed and said I was not anaemic, absolutely horrible. He has a medical background and just said I had the numbers wrong, after quizzing me, mocking and weird.

Loads more, but that's enough! Horrid that so many of you have these, many a lot worse than me, but it really helps to know that am not alone. Sad though.

And yy to the sicker/sadder/more suffering thing!

And the inadequacies of any gift given to them.

Oh god yes. The gifts.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't. It's never good enough. This Mother's Day the dcs made her some fudge. I made a gift box for them and they were so proud.

They handed them to my mum who said, " What am I supposed to do with these? You know I'm on a diet. I'll put them in the compost later. "

I was so angry I snatched them back and left. I told the dcs that me and daddy would love to eat them and that granny is missing out and doesn't deserve them. There's no way I'm letting her start with the dcs. The two who made the fudge are 9 and 4. :(

XP: why won't you let me change you into a better person?

Charming!

That's worse than my DM: I get the "subtle" " oh that's a lovely little plant you sent" "Very unusual chocolates" Always just that bit inadequate!

Your poor dcs

Oh, and because I went to a grammar school when others in the family hadnt, I was always accused of "getting above myself".

I only just realised that recent family arguments, where two siblings are avoiding me, are about the same thing. I am refusing to join in the chorus of judgement about another sister who has a lot of issues. The other two have accused me of talking a pile of shit, having too much to say. being a know it all and patronising them.

In reality they scapegoat that sister, and measure themselves against her.

Thanks ladies. Hadn't seen the connection.

When I accused ex partner of being unfaithful his response was......
''If you don't apologise I'm going to sag someone I sagged when we last split up.''

When my mil came to 'help' after I had dd - 'don't worry about lunch, I'll get my own'

My mother told me she didn't feel like a mother until she had a son. . that he was worth 10 of me. Was angry after teachers meetings when they praised me- never asked about my O level results, 10 A's :) I think i am so clever and above everyone you see. Was used as unpaid childminder to brother 12yrs younger and expected to stand up to my dad when he was pissed. Next day she would tell him a fake story of how i had been winding him up. My brother believed this till i left home am it was his turn