Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

Bloody hell Flugelpip. I think you do win.

fluglepip that's bizarre!!

damefanny part of me would really like to, but i also want to have a big party with my friends and let my family see that, yes, really, there ARE people that love me and think i'm a good, decent, funny, interesting person.

At my wedding, my 'D'M told me off for looking so happy, as my 'D'Sis was upset that her partner (of about 12 years by then, and father to her two children) refused to marry her, so my happiness at my wedding was really upsetting her.

flugelpip- O M G, you've been saving the best til last, haven't you?

What sort of self-deluded......

....herrena, maybe an acronym for the award itself. Racking my brain trying to think of one.
T O X I C is a bit of a problem with the X though

How about: SOD POT

S survivors

O of

D ysfunctional

P arents

O of

T Twatty proportions.

Sorry, bad, I know, but the best I can do after 3 glasses of rose

My mum during my ivf after 7 years of ttc,

It's ok if you don't have children, don't worry your brother will give me grandchildren.

I could write a thousand similar ones too.

These are all from my DM:

After my 2nd IVF failed 'looks like I'll be the only one on this street with no grandchildren'.

When I finally had a baby, whilst crying over breastfeeding 'give her a bottle no baby ever died from having a bottle' yeh thanks for the support!

On telling her my daughters name 'I prefer her middle name'

Your marriage ended because you didn't try hard enough. No mum he was a lying, cheating, twunt!

I like it crushed but let's keep brainstorming! That's your job, I have to come up with a suitable seating plan for 100+ narcs who will all want to be centre of attention..... maybe some sort of revolving circular table in the centre of the room?

Well it would be rude not to invite them, they are the reason for the party!

Have to be a bit careful here, but

mine gave her garage tenant poa over her affairs, and he promised to keep anything that was mine for me......6 years later when she died, he told me I could write begging letters to everyone who was left things that belonged to my father.

He's also refused to send me details of everything that he sent to auction on the grounds it would upset me too much and then some. He also rang me to tell me she'd died, and in the same breath not to go to the funeral.

Needless to say, I haven't been sent a copy of the will......not quite sure whether it's worth a £5.

Still, as a friend said - without judging, don't think she'll need central heating where she's gone

I know the best revenge is living well, but sometimes it's so bloody difficult!

Um... Well, she ruined our wedding. DH and I were allowed 20 guests total. DH's family managed to invite 16 others. The venue held 120, and was full because she had so many friends to ask ('because they invited me and your father to their children's weddings'.) The average age of guest was probably 70+.

I was not allowed to make any decisions alone - she vetoed my choice of guest and tried to pick the bridesmaids. I was not allowed to help with or amend the seating plan as she knew how to do it, despite not knowing anything about DH's family and our friends. She chose the food. She chose the invitations. She picked a gold wedding dress for me, lace, with a halter back - actually sort of stunning but the sort of thing someone on their third marriage in Barbados might wear. I absolutely refused, thank God, but she sulked until the last fitting. Her outfit was made for her, based on a pic she cut out of Hello! of (heh) Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands, and it cost more than my dress.

They paid for a lot of it, though DH and I contributed, but the real reason I gave in and let her have it her way was that there was no alternative.

Still look back on the day with mortification as it must have been awful for our friends, and there are many who should have been there but actually I'm glad they weren't. We are very happily married, though, so there's that.

Said to me once "oh well, we didn't need to encourage you, you were so clever"

She didn't, either!

When I passed some rather difficult professional exams the week after my fil's death/pm/funeral and didn't tell anyone, she got really annoyed when she found out....

........her comment was "oh, what am I going to do with the card I bought?".

Suppose I should've offered to refund her the money - probably 40p at the time ('twas in 1979)

Herren wouldn't each narc want their own table? Just thinking they would feel put out if they had to slum it by sitting with someone else.

Just remembering, there's a book called 'boundaries and relationships' by, I think Charles Whitfield, and in it there's a definition of both healthy and unhealthy narcism. I can remember looking at it with respect to 'd'm and she could have ticked every one of the unhealthy characteristics.

The best bit was the next sentence "it's impossible to have a relationship with a narcissist". That got me off the hook - a little.

Some of these are astounding!

Another (foster in this case) mother one I'm afraid - at age 11 I decided it would be an excellent idea to practise cartwheels in our admittedly large (farmhouse) hall-way.

Hit a vase with my ankle on the way down and absolutely shat myself at having broken it. Tried to convince myself it was just a scratch and went to bathroom to run cold water over it.

Within minutes the whole bathroom looked like a slaughter house there was so much blood coming from the cut.

Family friend found me luckily and got parents (outside milking cows)

Foster mother took one look at the scene (me still with ankle in blood covered sink) and exclaimed 'my vase, my beautiful vase' :(

To this day of you remind her of that day she will go on about the bloody vase (not antique or special in any way btw)

I wouldn't care if it were genuine Ming dynasty if I were to find one of my children in an accident like that!!

My mother, referring to my impending wedding : "It's not your day, it's mine and your father's day".

And it really was, at times I felt like a guest at my own wedding.

but of course, herrena, I think we need a massive venue though for the narks, there are going to be quite a few..... the revolving table is a great idea, maybe with a revolving door next to it
?

But first, its competition time for the narks: pen and paper at the ready:

The first 3000,0000 that comes out with the nastiest, most toxic reply to the following question will win a prize.

The prize is: a one way ticket to ( work in progress, will consult google maps). Terms and conditions state that you cannot change the location. You see, WE'RE in control here....

The question is: (work in progress, still thinking of it...any suggestions appreciated).

Early start tomorrow, will be back around 8pm ish
xx

singingsands- yup, mine said , 'Who are you to have a say on what is on the wedding menu.. you're just the bride.....'

Okkkkaayyyyyy

When I was very young I had a bad marriage, I told my mother that it was over and I would be leaving my husband at the weekend. I spent the whole weekend in a bedsit, by myself, crying. On the Monday she rang my office and left a message with reception that said " she had been beside herself all weekend and was devastated that I hadn't phoned her. In future she would not be available for support and I could take my washing somewhere else. "

When I met my second husband we lived together and I got pregnant before we got married. We got married very quietly with two witnesses, whilst I was still pregnant. When I told her we were married she said " well thank god we don't have to have a bastard in the family."

When I had cancer my mother wouldn't phone/visit/ help out as it was so terribly tiresome having a daughter with cancer, she just couldn't face it.

When my father left my mother, she said that the only person she had left to love in her life was my sister.

I could go on.

tb- lol at the narc's wanting their own table

Just found this topic-I have hundreds!!! When I was a kid my step-father was the biggest bastard going I asked my mother why she let him treat me like he does her response was " you can leave when you are 16, I'm not going to give up my happiness and end up alone"
When he would ignore/smack/terrorise me she would always say "now what have you done? Can't you just be good?" Needless to say she HAS ended up on her own-he left for another woman -and has just txt me today to see if I Need any company now I'm on maternity leave- Erm...no, I think I'm ok thanks!!!

When I told my DM I was pregnant with her first grandchild her response was:
nothing. She just carried on eating as though noone had spoken. When I told her I was pregnant with my second child she did respond. She said 'Oh no'. Actually she is fond of her grandchildren, in her own way. But when I announced my pregnancies I think she couldn't bear the thought of how these children were bound to take priority in my life over her, just as my husband had done. Sad, really.

Mine told me that the mother of the bride was the most important person at the wedding.

When I said I was going to study nursing, she said oh I could have done nursing but i'm far too caring.

Thank you for this thread. I have just had a very difficult wkend with narc family and have found out I have been cut from will dh for not towing the line and being the cardboard cut out they see me as.

My EA ex told me once: you know what? You are not as thick as I thought you were......
He was being serious

Just read the entire thread, my god there's some absolute shockers. for you all, honestly I'm practically speechless at the horrible shitbags who've treated you like this. It's so sad and twisted that the people who were supposed to care for you and love you the most and always do what's best for you treated you with such utter contempt, evil bastards.

And your right, the best revenge you can have is being happy and enjoying the lives you lead now.

My mother and I had a huge disagreement over my wedding and she decided she wasn't coming...and one by one family members called me up to say they wouldnt' be coming either because "you know what she's like, we'll have to deal with the fallout if we turn up. You do understand don't you?" Bloody enablers...

All my life all I wanted was to be a mum. This was common knowledge to all. Three weeks after I met my XDH I asked him if he wanted more kids as he had two already as I was only 22 and it was a deal breaker for me. He assured me he wanted loads and always maintained that.

Fast forward 9 years in which I played huge role in my step kids' lives. Every weekend, every holiday, every penny. I adore them.

We were married six months, I'd quit the fags, taken the vitamins, come off the pill and we were tccing although expected it to take a while after years on the pill. I was so excited when the positive came after just a few weeks later.

Waited for him to come home, scratch his arse, read the paper (I know, I know!) but I wanted this to be perfect, the day I dreamed of had come, I got to tell my husband we were finally having a baby. His response?

Fuck it, what's that going to cost me?

Are you sure? Better go to a doctor, you might be making it up.

I'm too old for this shit.

Sighs. Returns to newspaper.

While he is a wonderful father to our DD, I'll never forgive the narc