Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

Oh and the cherry on the cake. She read my diary when I was 16 then called me the most awful disgusting names because of the things she read about boys at school in there (I was 16 Ffs!) then she took me to the doctors and made me go on the pill. She refused to leave the appointment and sat there with a hurt and horrified look on her face, it was utterly humiliating. Then she spoke to the doctor alone after and told me that the doctor had agreed with her about me (aforementioned awful names).

She kept the diary hidden and told me she would read it on my wedding day to all the guests . I was terrified. I found it in a cupboard when I was 18 and in panic threw it in the bin. MY diary with all MY memories in it. I told her I had done this about 6 months later and she was furious. I honestly believe she was going to hold that diary over me for the rest of my life.

You haven't detracted from anything crushed, please don't think you have!! There are just so many of these stories. I hope that the sheer weight of numbers will help to convince us all that we're not the problem!

jademonkey I completely agree with your last sentence about repeating past issues - I noticed my M doing this to me when I was about 12 and so I just clammed up overnight. She still complains that I don't tell her anything. Funny, that!

I've read that one common thing narcissist mothers do is to consider their children as extensions of themselves. Maybe that explains why my M begged to be allowed to try on my wedding dress?

That is a bit odd, right?

That is extremely odd

I agree about the extension thing- my mum would instruct me not to do things because 'I don't want MY DAUGHTER doing x'

My mother to me when I was pregnant years ago 'get rid of it. You won't love it.'

My father re that pregnancy 'We won't help you look after it. You'll end up unemployed and on the dole.'

I did have a termination as they frightened me so much and have regretted it to this day. He would have been 19 on August 16th.

My mother in a letter to me when I was trying to go NC 'I was as beautiful as you once and I never blamed my parents for anything'

My mother when I was heartbroken after being treated abysmally by an ex shithead (now rather famous whom the media has exposed as a proven shithead): 'It takes two to tango.'

My father when my ex asked him for my hand in marriage: 'She's a handful you know'.

My father when ex had fucked off 'No wonder your husband left you'

Needless to say, I have gone no contact now.

Christmas Day 1991 about 6 weeks before we sold our house and went to live with 'd'm to help her out financially

" You're trying to push your guilt on to me" when I told her I'd had counselling to help deal with all the sexual abuse I'd suffered at the hands of her friends - she sent me there. Should have read the writing on the wall and let the sale 'fall through'

Some 4 months later, when we were living with her, when I mentioned the man she'd left me with when we were in Tucson who indecently assaulted me, and who she invited to stay with us when I was 12 knowing he'd done so - but he was going to be parking a brand new Merc outside the house for 2 weeks in 1968 - so that came before protecting her daughter.
"Well, the only person I feel sorry for in all this is Ginnie" - the bastard's wife.

And, yes, he tried it on again and I had to fight him off.

And I'm bloody angry with myself because I never had the balls to report her to the police, and so she didn't end her days slopping out in Styal, but in comfort in a plush nursing home, with everyone feeling sorry for her 'cos she had such a horrid daughter.

Still, apparently she left £5000 to a Bosnian orphan she adopted, so at least someone benefited - I got her manky old hearing aid.

Herren mine considered taking up weight-training when she was 73 because I was doing it. That would have been an interesting sight - 5'1" and shrinking trying to do pull-downs with 70lb.

herrena, yes, very odd (I take great delight in knowing my mum would never have GOT into my wedding dress because it wouldn't fit anywhere NEAR), and also agree with the extension part. I wonder if they see lost opportunities of their youth, kind of thing, when they look at us, or just an age thing?

tb, thats just awful, and I don't mean the manky old hearing aid either.

She sounds like my dh's nana, who ended up in a home, and got her friends to have a go at her daughter (mil), because she didn't offer to let her live at their house. Nothing to do with the fact that mil's house is up a steep flight of steps and nana was becoming increasingly immobile, hence the reason nana going into a home in the first place.

At least something good comes out of all this... in my case I remember every single nasty remark; my DD is 3.4 and I live praising her when she does sinerhing right/goid, love watching her face gleam when I do its just what I would have liked... I also apologise if I loose my temper and she says "its ok, mummy" I so ENJOY giving her love after the childhood I had

This thread makes me simultaneously comforted and sad. Comforted to think that I am not alone, sad because I never knew there were so many versions of my mother out there hurting so many of you.

My faves from DM include, at my father's bedside in the ICU, "I don't know what you're crying about, you have MrDrSeuss." and, on hearing that I had just had DS in 7.5 hours with no intervention and that he was of moderate size, "I beat you!". Yes, Mother, 19 hours and a pile of stitches to produce my useless brother, such a victory! On actually seeing DS for the first time, her first words were, "oh, he's a baldy"!

Bear in mind those were her nicer utterances....

I'm getting married in August and my mum and sisters are becoming ever more unbearable. I'm not close to my sisters but they assumed they were bridesmaids 'or I won't come to the wedding' (both said that seperately!). One can barely even look at me and it strains her to answer questions I ask, I can't hold a conversation with her. One of them begged to be allowed to organise the hen do - I'm quite laid back about it and willing to do whatever - told them what id like to do and how many I'd like to come. Had stupidly been wondering what they organised, would it be a really nice surprise etc. my mum phoned yest morning and started screaming at me that I'd my organised anything, I'm making this all so hard for everyone, why can't I just tell them what I want, her favourite line 'we need to have a meeting to talk about this' etc, then hung up on me. so they're coming over tonight - I generally keep them out of my house so it's 'safe'. Dreading it.

I'm not allowed to not answer phone as well.

If I organise anything without consulting them I'm beig rude and selfish.

Despite none of them ever wanting to do anything wedding related I am still expected to ask them about everything and invite to wedding fairs etc.

I get the hurt looks, bewildered talks about 'how can I be like this after all they've done for me' (I had DD at 17 and lived wit them until he was 2 and I couldn't stand it anymore).

In my head I know it's not my fault and they're being UR but I just break every time they do something, make me feel like a naughty child. Think we're going to move soon (and it will be awful that we do - 'you depend on us for so much' etc - er no you take DS to school 2 days a week when DP is on shift, we both work FT in professional jobs and are CAPABLE ADULTS)

A bit more light hearted.

My ex friend ( Narcissist ) once described her family as people like us.

I asked her what she meant, and she said "well, you know?posh"

I said that I never thought of her as posh, and that she just sounded Northern, and she said that put on her regional accent when she was with me, to make me feel better

Sorry I'm just moaning - not funny stories at all!

I had my daughter when I was 17, six years later, I was married to a decent hard working bloke, ( not DDs father) we've since divorced, but at the time, we were happy. I mentioned that I'd been sick a couple of times over the weekend.

DM "oh god, you're not pregnant are you"
Me"what's wrong with being pregnant, I'm a happily married 23 year old"
DM (theatrical sigh) " yes I suppose it's not my problem now"

For the record it wasn't "her problem" when I had my daughter at 17 since I'd already moved out and she had made it clear that she didn't do babies, I wasn't even allowed to take DD visit until she was 3!

DF on hearing that my partner (DDs father, not the husband mentioned above) had beaten me up so badly when i left him that I was in hospital "serves you bloody right" and "you'll end up with six kids by six different fathers now"

Yes to the phone. If I don't answer I get mobile and land line calls. Then she'll leave messages in a sad voice. "Hi Hair, I've tried to ring you but your obviously too busy to talk to me. "

Thing is sometimes I am too busy to talk to anyone there and then. Only she takes it as a personal slight. Anyone else would say that with two jobs and three dcs that I'm obviously going to be unavailable sometimes.

These are awful. :(

Ruptured duck! Oh my actual Lord above, how do they do it.

Rough typing - why not just elope? You know you're never going to make them happy don't you? You don't need to keep trying...

Easier said than done I know - doesn't mean you can't?

Herrena yes, I have been keeping detail about my life to a minimum with my mother since my late teens when I worked out that was a favourite tactic of hers! Sometimes still slip up if I've been lulled into a false sense of security and could just kick myself as I know she's going to hurl it back in my face at the next opportunity.

The extension thing rings true here as well: a lot of her criticisms and annoyances with me revolve around anything I do - anything - that is different to the way she did/would do. This ranges from things as trivial as how I arrange my cutlery drawer (!), to career choice, to taste in music/film/tv: any deviation from her way/taste apparently warrants a full-on telling-off. I am in my late 30s, you'd think she'd be used to the "disappointment" by now....

My DM maintains to this day I said I was disappointed when I found out DS1 was a boy (first child, first grandchild for her). She told everyone this - friends, family. In fact it was HER face that fell. Her response to the news was: 'But I don't know anything about boys!' She then refused to answer any questions about babies, my childhood etc when he was born as 'he is so different.'

When I was pregnant with DS2 I wanted to tell my aunt (her sister) at a big family occasion although I was very early on and wasn't telling anyone. Stupidly I mentioned this to DM. DM told everyone there behind my back, then said she assumed I was telling everyone since I'd told my aunt. So embarrassing as I had lots of weird conversations with people who were realising they shouldn't have been told, as I said vague things about wanting another child some time.

Her best line ever: 'I wanted my daughters to marry men who'd fallen in love with me and settled for them.' She has been disappointed in that, obviously.

And my vote for the winner goes to...FlugelPip!

So proud, building. So proud.

I have more. She's gifted me with a lifetime's supply of these.

Please share, FlugelPip! I am flabbergasted.

Honestly, some great material here...we should develop something like the Narcissists' Monologues or something out of this. You couldn't make it up.

And all those years, all that pain, it must be good for something, right?