Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

I had a narc ex too who used to come out with some gems -

"I get stomach pains because of what you feed me"

When I broke up with him he said "this is so unfair, don't I get a say in this?" errr no, not really twat face!

Rocher Again, I don't whether to laugh or cry!

These are awful aren't they! Me and my sister have both had therapy because of my dad. I find it comforting that we are not the only ones, and to find that others sit there worrying about their own parenting, desperate not to make history repeat itself.

to all of these.

M said exactly the same things as lots of people here. Did they read a script?

I'm trying to pluck up the courage to go for counselling. I'm starting to realise (since studying psychology especially) that I'm messed up predominantly because of my childhood and I can't ignore it and make myself better by pretending it didn't effect me.

My DM was very put out when she phoned to tell me my cousin's gf had their baby 2 days after I came out of hospital after having a mc. I had to cut her off mid-sentence to say I was happy for them, but didn't feel up to discussing sex, weight and time details at that time. Apparently I was "selfish" and "trying to put a dampener on it".

This was only topped by my DF who phoned a few days after this, they'd had a bit of a mishap and wnted me to nip to B&Q, then pop something round to their house (they don't drive, so am used to being on call!). I was greeted at the door by him with the words "Are you over all that stuff now?". Why yes, because it's been a week!!!!

"It's your fault I smoke, you never slept as a baby and the stress made me start"

" if (any bf) knew what you were really like, they would dump you"

On being told the news of another dgc on the way, and me happily married " is that a good thing?"

" you make me nervous, you never do as you are told and I know best" AHA!!!

"No point paying for driving lessons for you, you're useless and will never pass. You won't ever make anything of yourself"

One Christmas, I stayed overnight and bought wine. " we don't drink and we have no corkscrew or glasses, so you can have tea" said triumphantly. Me, breezily," it's ok, bought my own corkscrew and give me a mug!"

They are grimly funny, if you have the black humour necessary to survive in my family. And of course left home as soon as legally allowed and have always lived far far far away, preferably a LONG flight.

Iwish - a lot of it is frighteningly similar isn't it?

I wonder if they have a sort of worldwide club - kind of like the Freemasons mayber - complete with rituals, secret handshakes, and support for rthering their own personal goals?

Maybe it's called "The good old narcs' club"....

Oh all of you

Just remember that we have survived these people, we are not better, stronger or anything else because of them no matter what their bloody twisted thinking may be

And my contribution (from the many to choose from)
I had tried to get pregnant for 15 years before conceiving and actually carrying a baby to term.
Before this point I was told, on several occasions, when I got upset about yet another friend or relative popping one out 'its for the best, you wouldn't make a good parent, you do too many other things'
While pregnant I wasn't allowed to ask questions or talk about how I was feeling as it made her feel ill and she had such severe sympathy pains (I had to have a cvs as the nt score was. 2:1 downs and her only response to that was that I had to do the decent thing and get rid of it as she wouldn't be able to cope with another disabled child in the family)
Dd is not a downs cherub, but it would have made no difference to us if she was

Contact is minimal ever since she told 3 ur old dd that she mustn't eat something or she will end up fat like mummy (I'm a 16, she is a 22)

Lavender "is that a good thing?" was exactly what my Mum said when I told her was pregnant with dd. Considering that only the week before I had been telling her we'd been trying for a year and I was a little worried, I cannot fathom why she said it.

Also when I got married she said "I suppose you'll be doing the babies thing now then?". And she wasn't happy about either. Considering I was only thirty it was surely always going to be a possibility?

Sorry, failed on the funny
Try this
'I didn't breast feed you because of what lambs do to ewes, it looks so bruising and painful I just couldn't do it'
Of course mum, lamb twins on a ewe is exactly like a new born daughter
[hmmm]

DM "don't you dare make me a f*ing grandmother" in the pub showing her wedding pics after honeymoon. I was 29. When did have DD2 at 32 I asked if she was a young grandmother "no cos it took you so long to have kids". All my life she told me "don't have kids they'll ruin your life"

All our family have called grandmothers Nan. My Nan is still alive and is called Great Nanny by my 2. My DD1 was born and DM signed card as Nanny (spelt name wrong tho, chose to abbreviate it oddly). Nanny was totally normal for her to be called. My brother has son 2yrs later and I find out at a family do that his 'Grandma' has bought him a cute top. Who is Grandma I ask as DSin law mum is dead. "Oh your mum wants to be Grandma". I left it too long to bring it up, fumed for a few months but none of my business apparently

So now at family gatherings my 2 call her Nanny & my brothers son calls her Grandma

Complete elephant in the room and so infuriating!!

My dad, upon meeting my fiancé for the first time, Basically told him what a shit, difficult and horrible person I am, unlike my brother who is absolutely charming (he always said if I got married he would warn the person what I was really like so he could change his mind). When I called my dad later to tell him how much that hurt and how, because I loved him, he could hurt me, he said, in a tone of absolute contempt, 'have you stopped your chattering?' when I said that whenever I try to talk him he always dismisses me with contempt, he exclaimed, 'I do not! I do not treat you with contempt or dismiss you.'. He then refused to come to my wedding rather than not put me down in front of the guests.

He went to his grave claiming not to understand What had gone wrong in our relationship. (hint: you continually told me and everyone else how shit you thought I was).

hi all, I've been following/posting on a thread very similar to this called ' some thoughts about 'toxic' people.

A lot of whats been on here is on there. I agree there must be narks club out there too

It's scary that there are a lot of them about. It's like there is something missing in their brain, you know, the bit that goes, 'its my fault that such and such happened, I am responsible for the well being and happiness of my family/friends/colleagues '.

Am I talking twaddle?

My DBs XW asked him if he'd 'finished sulking' the day our DF died

DM"I was so upset when you had to go into hospital"

You came down from your nap at 12.30pm, I asked you to call a Dr.

You spent the next few hours telling me to take a paracetamol and go to bed. I was in too much pain, otherwise I would have called the Dr myself.

Dad came home about 5.30pm and for the first and only time went against my mother and called the DR.

The Dr took one look at me, asked for the phone and called an ambulance.

The ambulance crew took one look at me and remarked on how green I was.

I was jaundiced FFS - and you wanted me to go to bed.

I actually thought I was going to die that night.

A couple of years ago I bought my dad a mobile phone for his birthday.

DM "Oh is that a new phone for me so your dad can have my old one?"

LadyWoo

I've had the, "well if they are so perfect............"

When I got pregnant with ds1 my mum booked me into an abortion clinic as she couldn't be a granny so young. I went to the interview to appease her and when she realised that hadn't worked she offered to buy me a car, flat and holiday in exchange. I was 19 so not shockingly young.

She then went on to ignore ds1 for 4yrs because she couldn't cope. :(

When I got pregnant with dd 7yrs later she said that she was pleased as she was ready to become a granny by then.
Oh well that's alright then mother!

In hospital following a miscarriage at 14 weeks complicated by the fact that when they did the d&c they tore my uterus, so I ended up having an open operation to repair it. My father came to visit and said. "Your mother can't come to visit, she is too upset. you do realise it was her birthday today and she was devastated that you had not posted a card or sent flowers".

When my daughters boyfriend of 2 years cheated on her with her best friend. So a double whammy of hurt. She refused to let my daughter visit because , "Did I realise how upsetting it was to have someone in the house crying and heartbroken".

Sadly she's getting worse since my dad died as she has lost her enabler, but fortunately our family communicate so she is unable to manipulate any of us as we have set boundaries together.

You're right crushedintherush - there is a lot of overlap. I've been following that thread too and thought it might be good to try and start one where we can attempt to laugh at rather than cry over these horrible pathetic people. Discussing it and acknowledging that it's not you but them is a good start though :)

Ladywoo - my M used to still does get SO jealous if I speak warmly of anyone else in our family or my DH's. She got angry when I wanted to visit her sister (3 minutes up the road) for heaven's sake!! I have a tactic for it now though. If any family member comes up in conversation then I say one mildly negative thing about them up-front. This appears to satisfy her that I can't possibly like them more isn't that just ridiculously petty?

Seeing all these stories together makes me realise that the 'No contact' policy many families adopt is really the only way forward sometimes!

This one is relatively amusing. My M is a history teacher and quite a good one at that (I've been in her class - complete personality change with other kids but let's leave that for now). When I passed my GCEs and started my all-science A-levels my M got properly oversensitive every time and there were many she turned out to be wrong. She kept saying "Oh you think you're so CLEVER because you're doing science." No, I think I'm cleverer than you but that's about it Mother! Talk about inferiority complexes....

Did anyone see the AIBU thread a couple of weeks ago where the narc sister claimed that her legs gave way beneath her when told she would be called back after dinner because they were eating?

Now that made me laugh. Proper belly laugh at the crazy melodrama. Loved it. Tho' horrid for the OP, obv...

In a horrible way, these stories are making me laugh.
What does that say?

That the narcs are losing their power over you! Tiny, tiny sad people.

Herrena my mum is the same if I talk about family members. She slags my nan (who is lovely) off a lot, and if I say I've seen my nan or say anything nice about my nan she gets really stroppy about it. So annoying. I really hate it when she does it as my nan is great, and never says a bad word about anyone, but my mum seems to have it in for her.