Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

[sassyandsixty]

'I would never be able to cope if any of you (3 dds) ever got divorced'

[TeacupTempest]

Several times my brothers had to pull my mother off me or step in to stop her hurting me. When I brought this up recently she said " yes I should have just left the room before your behaviour got that bad".

When telling her about my health condition " shh, stop it. I don't want to hear about it. It just upsets me".

"Good job you met your DH and he got you into sport". I was the captain of my school years netball, hockey, tennis, rounders, gymnastic teams. I played for the year above and only missed out on playing hockey at county level due to injury!


So many more...

[buildingmycorestrength]

Some of these are just so so sad. Hard to see the funny on some of these.

I wish being a good parent came naturally to people.

[musickeepsmesane]

when I told my mother I was getting married she said "I don't know what he sees in you, he is far too good for you" and when I was giving birth and proud dad-to-be was keeping everyone informed she said to him "I hope you realise she could die having this baby and it will be your fault"!! I also normalised everything said to us in childhood, silver lining - I have done my best to think before I speak! One of my fathers best and there were many was when he saw me in my ivory wedding dress "you have no right to wear that" technically correct as my dc was walking down the aisle with me

[lottie63]

In the middle of a traumatic and upsetting row... 'Some women look very beautiful when they cry. You look a mess'.

[forgetmenots]

My MIL, to my DH. 'you should know that when people think they can step outside this family, they always get their comeuppance. Look at what happened to your sister. Now, you wouldn't want any of that to happen to you, would you, even if having something bad in your life would do you good and make you understand me more.'

His sister had recently been raped. His F heard this remark and didn't even flinch, proved to me that they are both without feeling.

[forgetmenots]

Btw, I'm not suggesting that's hilarious, but it is ridiculous, and it's helpful to remember just how monstrous and absurd these people are!

[FrauMoose]

This one is actually quite funny (though sad)

Me and my partner announcing to my parents that I was pregnant. I was 37. It would be their first grandchild. I had two brothers, and they had been hoping for a grandchild for at least a year since my older brother had got married.

There was a brief silence. I imagined it would be broken by their saying, 'Congratulations'. Or, 'That's wonderful.' Or 'We're so happy for you.'

Instead my father said, 'Did you have to give a urine sample, then?'

[cherrytree63]

My charming step DIL, when my DH told her I'd had emergency surgery for an ectopic pregnancy, said it was a good thing, because it was her children's inheritance he was spending on his new family. Nature "flipped the bird" at her though, as I was actually expecting twins and the other baby survived.

[chubbychipmonk]

Picture the scene. . . I'm a new mum, DS 3 weeks old, house a riot, had been up every hour on the hour breast feeding since he was born, 4pm in the afternoon, just about managed to get dressed, close to tears with sore boobs, overwhelming hormones & a screaming baby. . .

In a waft of perfume pops in my mum on her way home from work (not a hair out of place) & says:

DM: 'And how are you feeling today?' (And not in a sympathetic manner)

Me: 'oh my God mum, he's been up all night, I can't get anything done, I'm just so tired' (as a big fat tear rolls down my cheek)

DM: ' Hmph, you should try teaching, then you'll know all about being tired!'

. . . Will never forget that moment as long as I live (apologies to any teachers) but seriously!!

[chubbychipmonk]

Oh and another 'classic' from DM:

2 days after having a horrible MC, 'Really it's about time you pulled yourself together. We can't all just sit about crying all day'.

2 fucking days!!?!!!?

[nenehooo]

Wow these stories are so sad... Makes me thankful it was only a toxic friend who eventually cut ME off - the day after my wedding - where she was a bridesmaid.
Think the best from her was phoning me up the day after my hen party to tell me how I'd made her feel like crap and made her cry because I was clearly so much closer to my other friends than I was to her. Really tame compared to lots of stories here, but it was still upsetting...

[Herrenamakesagreatwelshcake]

plus i know how to NOT be a shit Mum !!

Hear hear DuchessFanny, that is exactly how I choose to consider it. I am SO paranoid about turning into her that everything I say/do gets analysed to the Nth degree. Thankfully DH is a kindly soul and tunes out will listen patiently to my ramblings.

It's :( to see so many replies on this. I hope that at least some of the posters here have realised just how ridiculous their parents are (I say parents although I do notice a strong bias towards mothers).

Has anyone seen the daughters of narcissistic mothers site? I've linked to the narcissist dictionary rather than the homepage. It's rather good if you can forgive the big fuck-off banner at the top - very enlightening about this breed of person.

Another story: I remember leafing through a stupid teen girls magazine back when I was a fairly dumb teen girl. There was a tidbit titled 'What does your mouth shape say about YOU?!?' and it described different personalities for big/small/square etc mouths. I distinctly remember sitting there and thinking 'Well M said I have a big mouth, but she also said once that I've got a nasty mean small mouth. They can't both be true, so which of these is me?' I wasn't even hurt by the memory of her remarks, just genuinely puzzled as to how they could both be true (because obv everything she said was dogma). I think I did eventually go and look in a mirror but it took a while for me to realise that was an option....

[mangohedgehog]

Many wonderful lines from DM, but my favourite is probably: 'It is my dearest wish that when you and DH get to my and SD's age, you will want to be JUST LIKE US!'

[Oxtailchambermaid]

On telling my DPs that I was pregnant with twins, one of the first questions my DM asked me was: "Did you get the cats as child substitutes then?"

We'd got 2 cats in the November and got pregnant the following January.

[limon]

"I'd have had ten children with you" - parting shot when I finally left after 15 years of refusing to even talk about it.

I then went on to have a baby at 43 with my lovely new (not fucked up) partner and now husband.

[OrWellyAnn]

'You were always needy, always wanted more time from me, even when you were a tiny baby'

[trustissues75]

"Have you taken your medication today?"

FWexH in the middle of my trying to talk to him about something that he had done fir the nth time - I was on a cocktail of drugs at thetime for a bi-polar misdiagnosis - oh, he was so keen to keep me compliant with the Drs orders....

[LadyWoo]

Wow my mother has said so many of these things on here to me!

All the 'What on earth can I have done to deserve a child like you?'

'You make me wonder where on earth I went wrong'

'One day I will die of a heart attack and it will be all your fault for being the way you are'

She also does the tears, and the tantrums if I disagree with her, and says I'm attacking her. Once I laughed at a photo of my haircut as a child and she went bonkers, crying and saying that I'd said she was a terrible mother.

[arthriticfingers]

One of my mother's favourites if I had ever done something praised by anyone, or been invited anywhere ...
'Well, of course, if people knew what you were really like, no one would like you at all.'

[LadyWoo]

arthritic that is exactly what my mother used to say too. She also used to sulk if I went round to anyone else's house, and if I ever said anyone else's mum/dad/brother/sister were nice she'd say 'Well if they're that nice why don't you pack your bags and go and live with them, as they're so perfect'

I once went away with a friend and her family for 3 days......my mother didn't speak to me for 2 weeks when I got home!

[Tubegirl]

At 27 I fell pregnant unexpectedly, but I was happy about it. I told my father who insisted on driving me to my mother's house and then sat there telling me I should terminate because he hadn't been aware of my relationship and the bloke was clearly bad person etc. i said no, he ranted and raved as he drove me back (chain smoking whilst I was feeling very sick with ms) telling me my child was going to be a bastard, and no grandchild of his and how could I do this to him because he wasn't resdy to be a grandfather. I suffered a mmc and found out at my scan which was devastating. Dad rang me and offered to come and see me (after not speaking to me for over a month) but when I said my (very supportive) partner was with me he went ape and started ranting about what a bastard he was and insisting that he left the house before he visited. I said no, obviously. He then calmed (or so I thought) and ff a year to my wedding day. He caused a scene, refused to smile all day, wouldn't make a speech or toast or dance with me. My step dad offered to dance with me at which point he then tried to punch my step dad. I challenged him along with my husband. He stood there yelling at my husband asking him what his intentions were because he didn't want him ruining my life. Apparently blissfully unaware he had ruined my wedding day. I couldn't look at photos for years afterwards. I then went to my sisters wedding where he behaved as perfect parent. It was very painful.

[AnitaManeater]

I rang my mum to tell her that I was pregnant. I was 19 and terrified and to be fair, no position to be having a child. Halfway through the conversation with me sobbing my heart out, she hung the phone up telling me that the Avon Lady was at the door, I was told not to contact her again and I didn't hear from her again for another 3 months.

[arthriticfingers]

Tube :(

[RocherChoc]

My then 6 year old son was whacked in the face with a cricket bat and needed to go to A&E. I call my mum in shock and panic and she says ...

"oh, does this mean you're not taking me shopping this afternoon? because I could get a taxi I suppose but it's a bit of a faff"

When my father died I was 11 years old and crying one night - my mum said

"oh for gods sake, I know he was your dad but he was my husband (they'd been divorced for years!!) and I knew him longer than you did" !!!!!!!!!!!!!

When she had my little half sister, I was 13 and struggling with the whole thing (my dad had only been gone a few months and she was having someone elses baby) but I tried to do the right thing and bought the baby a new outfit - I took it to the hospital and my mum said ...

"oh, have you got anything for me or is it all for the baby??"

Said baby was later diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, was getting horribly bullied at school and was basically falling apart. My mum stated -

"this is all so unfair on ME, nobody ever thinks about how it affects ME. I'm not sure I can cope with it, why did I have to have a kid with problems, why not someone else?"

She never fails to amaze me.