Regale me with hilarious/ridiculous things that a narcissist or enabler has said to you....

[Herrena]

I'll go first.

My DF acts as enabler for my narcissist M, although I doubt he's fully aware of this. We were discussing her and my god-awful childhood yesterday over skype when he dropped in this little gem:

'Well, you were so quiet. You didn't really defend yourself properly.'

What the actual fuck?!

I didn't really process the remark at the time but now I'm bloody fuming.

Go on, tell me yours. Let's laugh at the bastards and then maybe I won't spend the next week dwelling on my wrath

After my dad died I inherited the role of being a carer to my mum who is a chain smoking alcoholic as well as chair bound & disabled.

She wouldn't sign the paperwork so I could get carers allowance or pay any contribution towards the 20 mile every day trip. I wasnt working at the time so a quite hard up.

Apparently "it was my duty to care for her and i was mercenary to ask her for a contribution". She said the hardship would be character building for me.She spent £120 a WEEK on cigarettes and alcohol.

On the telling EX I was expecting our first child.
"Are you sure? I heard that sometimes these pregnancy tests show a positive when you have certain kinds of cancers"
Followed by going AWOL for two days

My mother when I got engaged to v nice DH who she now likes:
'Oh you haven't! Why did you have to do this now [in December]? You've ruined Christmas for me now, I'm so upset! We may as well cancel Christmas, I can't cope with it on top of this!'

My mother when I said DH and I were thinking of having tiny wedding abroad on own, since she and DF were opposed to it and we're not really wedding people:
'Oh, I really would be so upset. I would hate not to be at the wedding of my only daughter'

My mother, during wedding planning, when I asked her and DF to have dinner with us and soon-to-be-in-laws at the hotel the night before the wedding. The in-laws live abroad and the two families had never met before, and would not otherwise meet until the morning of the wedding:
'Oh no, I really don't like the idea of that'. She came and stayed in the same hotel, but turned up about 10pm and refused to have dinner!

My mother, a year or so later, when driving near the place we got married:
'Oh, it's so strange thinking that's where you had your funny little wedding'

Oh and my utterly horrendoulsy vile beyond words EX:

'You make me hit you because I love you so much and you make me so angry. You should be glad I care enough about you to get so angry'.

Yaaaaaaaaawn.

Which reminds me - DM still likes to remind me of how upset and stressed she was all the time I was with abusive ex. Apparently it was awful of me to put her through that.

Probably about as stressed as she was all the way through my childhood, what with me being such a difficult, troublesome child who drove her mother to beat her.

When my DC was still very young he was diagnosed with haemophilia, I was devastated as I knew nothing about the condition and needed support. When my mother found out, I remember her telephoning and being very angry, asking me "Why had I done this to the family"???

Years later, I was seriously ill in hospital and had a hysterectomy, I was still in hospital when my mother and father appeared by the bedside. My mother firstly berated me for being ill and "making them drive all this way" (I hadn't even asked them to come over) and then told me I must be "putting it on" (I was still wired up to tubes etc.!) and after that, she said "all my carryings on were making my father ill". It was true my father was strangely quiet and withdrawn - I now think he didn't dare mention he wasn't feeling well himself. Following that my father had a sudden and massive stroke and died. For my mother, it was all my fault and I don't think she ever forgave me. But by then I had realised the problem was her, not me, and I'd clearly not caused my father to die so in a way it released me from her aggressive behaviour. She became obsessed with her own grief - it never occured to her once that I had lost a father, only that she'd lost her husband - but she left my sister and I alone after that...

Oh the fudge reminded me of one.

Ds and I made fairy cakes together, covered them with melted chocolate and stuck a malteaser on too. They were actually really nice and ds was really proud of making them. My Mum saw them and said "god what are those?......don't worry dgs, we will make proper cakes when you come to Grandma's". Ds was four. My Dad who is a text book enabler looked at her and then actually immediately stuffed one into his mouth and proclaimed it delicious, then another one. It's one of the only times I ever remember him going against her.

When my sister was diagnosed with cancer my Mum said tearfully "OMG what have I done deserve this? Is it something I did when you were growing up? Maybe I fed you the wrong things? Where did I go wrong?"

Notice how many I's are in there?

I have nothing compared to the awful stories above...my life has been a relative bed of roses.

My mother did tell my that my O level results were the biggest disappointment of her life.

Fwiw I got 6 Bs and 3As. Hey ho, you can't win them all. And btw she was no Einstein.

I'm sorry, the floodgates have opened, I can't stop.

DM, when I was in the grips of a 2 year depression in my mid-teens, and she found me crouched in the corner of my bedroom catatonic:
'You must tell me what's the matter, I can't deal with this stress of not knowing what the matter with you is, stop being such a drama queen. What's upsetting you?'
Me: 'I don't know, nothing in particular, I just feel awful all the time
DM: Well if you won't tell me, what am I supposed to do?
Me: I don't know, I really don't know what the matter is. I wish I knew, that's what's so awful.
DM: Tell me, FFS tell me. You've always been malicious and secretive, I'm not taking it anymore. How can you do this to me?
At this point DM hit me in the face with the mug she was holding and chipped my front tooth.

Ooh woozlebear that is awful. You poor love

jesus lord woozlebear thats just awful

Thanks

This thread is making me so much happier though - I love to think that my crazy DM is not special at all. She's not even specially crazy. Just one of many crazy narcs. She'd hate that more than anything

i will share some as reading this thread has reminded me of some stuff

I got ulcerative colitis when I was 19, I remember being driven round to hospital being screamed at for being ill and making her drive me places like a taxi driver I was so selfish etc etc at this point I was bleeding from my bum and doubled over in pain.......

then when I was discharged 1 week later after having lost 2 stone and totally scared and emaciated she and my dad went on holiday to italy the next day

totally selfish the lot of them arent they

I ran away when I was 13. Due to being hit all the time. When I was found I got put in the back of the car with her and she said "if you're this unhappy that you are running away then we will make other living arrangements for you.". I was crying my eyes out and said "Good, I hate living with you" and she punched me in the side of the head.

Selfish doesn't even begin to cover it. .

And yes, I understand what you mean, woozle

"You aren't that special" is probably the worst thing they could hear.

When me & exH split up I was terrified of telling my parents as I knew they'd blame me entirely. In the end they found out & my DF screamed at me in front of my 3 DS to get out of his house before he beat me black & blue. I heard nothing further from either him or my mum for several days although my dad did kindly text my ex to say that he (my ex) had their (my parents) full support.
To this day, 2 years on, they have no idea why we split up. Have never asked. Just presumed it was my fault.

Oh, and another one....(there are millions more but this one sticks in my brain).....my eldest DS has ADHD. My DF announced loudly in a theme park queue recently that it was my fault for being a crap parent.

One last one....a few years ago ExH & I had my parents over for Xmas day. The boys were quite young then, 2 & 4. My parents arrived late in the day empty handed as apparently didn't want to overexcite the children by giving them presents on Xmas day.

some of these are devastating

Me: Mom you just cut me off for the billionth time - you never listen to me
DM: Well you talk so much, your always talking.

Me directly after 3 days of labour and an emergency c-section: how are you mum?
DM: oooooh I am just sooooo exhausted - I had a hair appointment today

Me today after relaying I only got 2 hrs of sleep with newborn and unsettled toddler: and how are you mum?
DM: oooooooh I am just soooooo exhausted - I took a bath this morning and I have bridge this afternoon.

Me: Mum your constant unsolicited advice drives me batty
DM: But I need to be able to say the things I need to say

I once swore at a narcissist who was bothering a member of my family. I was holding DS who was a baby at the time and we were at the front door.

Later he told the family member (in an effort to control her) that he was going to the police to tell them I'd pushed him down the steps and he'd sustained a nasty injury.

THe ridiculous thing is he then believed it, because it had come out of his own mouth. Actually he never did go to the police, but if he had, I'm convinced he would have sworn blind I did that.

It was a great insight into the mind of a narcissist and how they don't inhabit the same reality as the rest of us.

Quite minor bit of ridiculous that I found incredulous at the time.

Toddler ds was running around the garden holding something random like a wooden spoon to his ear babbling "hiya....dadda...hiya" dm was like " what on earth is wrong with that child, what is he doing?" --Erm obv he's pretending to talk into a phone to his daddy.

"But it's a spoon!"

Katisha. I think that is spot on about them not inhabiting the same reality. My Mum tells lies about things but after she has done so she actually convinces herself it happened. Therefore she is justified in falling out with people who did her sooooo wrong.

mrsmindcontrol yy @ the 'it's your fault you split up' my son got married last week, his horribly violent father and I split up when I got the hell out of dodge when DS was 9 months old. My mother has always maintained that I made the abuse up, and that some women like being hit. She spent the whole day talking to him and his family and pretty much ignored all of our side (apart from equally narc SiL)

yy also @ the 'it's your fault your child has ADHD', my mother refused to believe that DS2 had ASD, then used it as some sort of stigmata for how wonderful she was for coping (with a child she never saw or interacted with), she is now convinced that it was in some way my fault, because he goes to a specialist school and 'he seems fine now' < twinkly laugh>

He must have got it from me, because I was such a difficult child. Or from my father's side, because he was a bastard.

Mother has spent the last 30 odd years slagging my DF off at every opportunity because he left her. I got an urgent call saying he had days to live, so spent a few days running round like a headless chicken trying to get to the US to say goodbye. I called and told her because..... I am conditioned to do so (?) and she started crying. I asked her why she was crying, as she had obviously hated him for years and she said 'You wouldn't understand, he was just your father, but he was my husband', yes, for 5 years he was, 30 odd years ago

God! This is cathartic!