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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Where do I go?!

82 replies

Username123 · 15/03/2013 19:56

After a year of dealing with my daughters father and his mother's issues and general control freak behaviour, tonight I received a call saying that they had discussed it and had decidedly that my daughter would be better off living with his mother, they are on the way round and could I have her bags packed.

Well, her bags are packed, as are mine and I am sitting in McDonalds not knowing what the fuck to do or where to go.

I have no living family members and don't want to go to a friends in case he finds me there.

I have £50 to my name until I can get to a bank tomorrow morning.

Obviously there is a shitload of backstory to this, but where can I go right now that would be safe?

I'm in east London in case that's relevant/helpful?

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 15/03/2013 20:03

bed and breakfast?

travel lodge?

I didn't want to leave this not being bumped

BubblegumPie · 15/03/2013 20:04

Women's aid?

Georgebooboo · 15/03/2013 20:04

Hello, sorry to hear about what's happening. Go to the nearest police station. They should be able to tell you where the nearest women's hostel is or somewhere you can go for the night until you sort things out and will be safe x

BubblegumPie · 15/03/2013 20:07

0808 2000 247

That's the number for women's aid. It says for domestic violence, but I'm assuming you are afraid your DD will be forcibly removed from you? If so I would class that as domestic violence. You could also call the non emergency police number for help

Original poster
Username123 · 15/03/2013 20:07

Thought of hotel, but all more then £50 for the night.

Never thought of police funnily enough. Will go there. Thank you.

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum95 · 15/03/2013 20:09

No advice, just support - i hope you manage to sort something out soon x

myroomisatip · 15/03/2013 20:11

Ahh Bless you. Good luck. Come and back and let us know how you are!

bishboschone · 15/03/2013 20:11

Bloody hell!! How old is your dd? Yes go to the police . Hope that can help you .

gloucestergirl · 15/03/2013 20:11

This sounds like a horrible situation, but can you hide at a friend's place, or a hotel lobbey for a few hours? Are they likely to camp outside your house/flat? Then sleep on it at home and come up with a plan for you and your daughter? If things are really desperate can you re-locate to a different part of the country and start in a hostel in a private room or B and B, both cheap options.

LowLevelWhinging · 15/03/2013 20:14

Women's aid is for domestic abuse, so not just violence. Controlling behaviour is abuse. Threatening to take your daughter is abuse.

the police will be able to point you in the right direction.

Good luck op.

StitchAteMySleep · 15/03/2013 20:15

Have pm'ed you OP

DameFanny · 15/03/2013 20:16

Police are best so they can't report you as missing, or as having kidnapped your dd.

Also do talk to women's aid about getting into a refuge.

Is your ex on the birth certificate? You need to see a solicitor about getting an emergency residence order.

So sorry you're going through this. Stay safe. Thanks for you and a Bear for dd.

Original poster
Username123 · 15/03/2013 21:01

Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the replies. Am currently sitting in the police station and the police have been WONDERFUL. Truly helpful.

They put me in touch with one of their solicitors, who has arranged an appointment with me for tomorrow but has advised that emergency residency orders can take about a week, so not to let ex have any contact with her until then.

They have also arranged a bed and breakfast for me to go to. Just waiting on a cab to take me there. Ex called me while I was there and the very nice police woman took my phone and informed him that he was not to contact me again and any future correspondence should be done via a solicitor and that if he broke it she would take great pleasure in arresting him for harassment.

Basically, we were together for 3 years and he seemed normal! Then we have DD (who has just turned 1) and suddenly his spine disappeared and his domineering mother showed her true colours. She referred to my daughter as her own, called me 'Aunty'! and convinced her son that everything I did for our daughter was killing her. I was criticised for BF because it meant GM couldn't feed 'her' daughter. I was expected to spend Christmas day alone while DD went to GM's with her dad as Christmas is 'family' time and I have no family. The fact that I am her fucking mother, is obviously just a mere detail.

I ran like hell and split up with my partner, which freaked out GM even more as she had even less control. Hence this apparent 'discussion' tonight.

But thank you. Seriously, as stupid as it sounds I never thought of going to the police station and they have been complete angels tonight.

Thank you.

OP posts:
FayeKorgasm · 15/03/2013 21:08

Take care. You are so brave.

Xales · 15/03/2013 21:10

Wow!

For all the bad stories about the police out there they have been brilliant for you tonight.

Good luck!

kinkyfuckery · 15/03/2013 21:14

You've made a very brave move tonight. Let us know how things go with the solicitor tomorrow.

Sugarice · 15/03/2013 21:16

I really hope you and your daughter are ok.

Take lots of care and thinking of you tonight.

Sunshinewithshowers · 15/03/2013 21:18

Take Care both of you xxxx

BubblegumPie · 15/03/2013 21:32

I'm so pleased you've sorted it, well done! Flowers

beachyhead · 15/03/2013 21:35

Sleep well and congratulations on being so brave

Wonderland121 · 15/03/2013 21:37

So glad to read you have somewhere safe to now go with your DD,
Stay warm & take care.

Original poster
Username123 · 15/03/2013 21:47

Thank you all for your kind words. I have to admit I do not feel brave. I feel fucking terrified.

But tomorrow I'm going to the bank to withdraw money from my savings, have an appointment with the solicitor and on Monday will call woman's Aid/ Local Council in regards to more permanent accommodation.

But for now, DD is snuggled up fast asleep and no one is taking her anywhere, so I'm doing alright.

OP posts:
Lucyellensmum95 · 15/03/2013 21:54

Username123, you are an inspiration - the very best of luck to you and your DD, she is lucky to have you xxx

curiousgeorgie · 15/03/2013 21:56

I wish I had something helpful to add, but can only say good luck and cuddle your daughter tight, she's so lucky to have you x

OhDearieDearieMe · 15/03/2013 21:58

Blimey. What a situation. Utmost respect to you for holding it together and keeping both of you safe. Good luck and God bless.