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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating chat thread 46

999 replies

lubeybooby · 14/03/2013 13:37

all dating related chit chat here!

off we go

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 20:22

Velvet it's only the inadequates who will be intimidated by your glamour, intelligence and wit. Forget all the stuff going on inside - I bet you hide it well (like I do).

C'mon Pom, update!

Have had a drink which I don't generally do in the week, but I feel a bit calmer now. I'm going to phone him when I've packed dd off to bed.

There's one thread on here at the moment where lots of posters are encouraging the op to mention marriage after eight months. Bloody hell fire, I think I'm on a different relationship planet here. That's way too fast, but I'm thinking my relationship with LM is moving a bit slowly. Just want to spend a bit more time with him, get more involved in each others' lives.

Pomegranatenoir · 18/03/2013 20:27

No call yet. This is what he text me as soon as I sent the message to him.

Yeah just jumping in shower now, give me 30 mins xx

Should I be calling him? Jeez - shouldn't be so complicated!!

OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 20:30

Oh I don't know, Pom that text is a bit ambiguous about who's supposed to be calling who! What was the previous message?

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2013 20:33

Western thank you Blush Apparently people see me as confident and outgoing (I'm not at all!)

Marriage after 8 months is crazy tbh. Yes, there are people that whirlwind stuff works for, but after what happened to me with the evil Ex (accidentally pregnant after 6 weeks, ended up stuck with him for 8 years, at least 7 of which - after he showed his true abusive colours - were utterly miserable) there is no way I would rush into a serious commitment again.

Having said that, I can see why after that amount of time you would want to feel more of an involvement with LM, I think I would too, although at the moment I feel like expecting to see C once a week is akin to asking for the moon on a stick!

Pomegranatenoir · 18/03/2013 20:33

I said yes had a great weekend thanks. You free to chat in a bit

Really cba with it all!!

MirandaWest · 18/03/2013 20:35

OWW I haven't seen that thread but I've been going out with Mr Nice for nearly 11 months and no way would I be talking about marriage apart from in pleasant dreams but that's a little daft really We do see each other quite a lot but we're definitely not entwined so to speak.

OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 20:41

Pom I bet he's waiting for a call!

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2013 20:49

This is why I don't speak to people on the phone, far too confusing! Texts are safer :) even if you do have to wait several days for a reply

Bant · 18/03/2013 20:52

Texts are safer but lead to much more confusion. I think you should take your relationship to the next level and call him. It's an intermediate step to seeing him more.

Pomegranatenoir · 18/03/2013 20:56

I text "am I calling you or you calling me" 15 mins ago and no reply. Do you think he has fallen down the plug hole or is he avoiding me??!!

OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 21:09

Call him, Pom!

Have phoned LM. He sounds absolutely shattered. Seeing him Thursday - shop stuff tomorrow and Wednesday. Yay!!

Bant · 18/03/2013 21:10

Pom. 4 dates in he should be falling over himself to be available, trying to impress and woo you.

I'd just tell him never mind. You had doubts and he's not exactly moving heaven and earth to make you feel better about things.

Pomegranatenoir · 18/03/2013 21:18

He still hasn't called. No doubt he will concoct some wonderful excuse but I am not interested. Call or text...?

WarmFuzzyFun · 18/03/2013 21:18

Pom he's making you do the running, he could have texted you. Be cautious at the same time enjoy. (WFF fence sitting)

Velvet I agreed with OWW, you are not intimidating, they are intimidated because they are inadequates, that I think is what I said (well, it's what I meant). You can't help it if you are devastatingly attractive and super intelligent, anymore than the rest of us can Grin Bet you've been told 'you are out of my league' etc, we've all heard it too, must be the viper mystic eh?

Oh saw Teeth on Sunday. His teeth are fine a complete non issue. His 'teasing' is not though. Why do men do this? He says he likes me, then he is all 'I don't care what you do?' then he is 'I am only teasing'. He saying things in a way that I felt demonstrated an un-gallant attitude towards me 'Why are you on POF? You don't need to be on there, any man would love to take you out/be with you?[fuck off emoticon] Every time I pull him up on this stuff 'I am only teasing'

So I don't think he is suitable...

I have a couple other 'irons' in the fire...

Alittlestranger · 18/03/2013 21:30

I'm frequently told I'm intimidating, including by men who have dumped me. I've also been told it by men who aren't interested sexually and women, so I think it's true. I also think it's got very little to do with whether anyone wants to stick around romantically or not. I'd love to be proved wrong though, but in my case I think it comes down to other factors. Now if I was intimidating and had big boobs I might be convinced otherwise...

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2013 21:31

Thanks WFF!

Good that Teeth's teeth were ok. The teasing sounds hugely annoying though, I don't think I could put up with that for long!

Western glad you have something arranged with LM :)

Text sent to C about Friday. Will possibly get a reply by Weds. I bloody hope its a yes, the sooner I see him, the sooner I can have the conversation, and find out whether or not I'm completely wasting my time...

WarmFuzzyFun · 18/03/2013 21:35

His texts were like this all week prior to meeting up, and he was the same during and after the date. It made me feel insecure with him, RED FLAG. Why continue to do something that you've been told repeatedly makes the other person unhappy?

Now he tells me he really likes me etc..What, you've a funny way of showing it?

OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 21:39

WFF well, if you've told him you don't like it and he still carries on, that is pretty rude and arrogant. Next!

WarmFuzzyFun · 18/03/2013 21:49

My thoughts entirely. It felt at times that he was enjoying making me unhappy pushing the 'joke' as far as he could then 'I am only teasing' wipes it all away.

Kernowgal · 18/03/2013 21:54

Am about to move to a new area. Had a quick look on Soulmates only to find my former housemate was one of my matches. He left his socks everywhere and blamed his farts on 'carpet frogs'. He is actually great fun but thinks his mother is God so I won't be suggesting we meet up.

Bant · 18/03/2013 22:17

This is why I think Buffy is good.

I am worried on the second date I'll realise beer goggles were involved in the first. But she's funny. She was also the source of the dating sites including www.seacaptaindate.com

Alittlestranger · 18/03/2013 22:18

This is long but possibly the most chilling OD horror story I've read.

Pomegranatenoir · 18/03/2013 22:26

He hasn't called or replied. He is a loser. I am not interested. This ridiculous behaviour tonight has made any potential feelings I had for him completely and utterly disappear. What an idiot!! Cheerio Mr Irish!

For now I am on the sofa. Got too much other stuff going on to waste my energy with dating at the moment. I find it zaps me. I need to focus on children, new job and fun for now!! Oh and getting divorced!!

Thanks for your help tonight peeps. You are a brilliant bunch of people!!

JulietteMontague · 18/03/2013 22:28

Pom dating is meant to be fun! he was clearly a knobber which is why it wasn't.

Pomegranatenoir · 18/03/2013 22:47

Agreed juliette and it was up until last week when he got busy at work. It isn't an excuse - literally takes 2 seconds to send a text. I have lost all respect for him and can't/ won't persuade myself to like him anymore. I am a nice person and I made allowances but really he just wasn't doing it for me.

Will come back to dating when I can be bothered!!

God that sounds aggressive. I'm not being aggressive just feel meh about it all!!