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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating chat thread 46

999 replies

lubeybooby · 14/03/2013 13:37

all dating related chit chat here!

off we go

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 18/03/2013 07:38

I hope the arsehole sees the error of his ways today Lubey

Jackdaws going mad in my chimney this morning. Spring has sprung Smile

hoplittlebunnyhophophop · 18/03/2013 07:50

Hi everyone, haven't posted for ages because I've been sulking that my dating experiences have continued to be so crap but have been reading, feeling happy for some and really angry on behalf of others! Lubey TT is behaving like such a cowardly twat isn't he.

Last time I was posting, I had seen Mr Full On about 4 times who then suddenly disappeared leaving me really bemused, especially given his nickname. He was really good looking, had something about him, but I kept questioning whether he was genuine or not. Everything he told me was true and I just expected everything that came out of his mouth to be lies. This, I know, is due to my hang ups owing to STBXH. I'm just finding it really difficult to find the balance between being a prize mug or overly defensive and unconsciously sabotaging any hope of more than a couple of dates. I just did stupid things out of self preservation - he asked me to come round and then he'd take me out for dinner and I assumed he would just cancel anyway so I was being aloof and acted flaky and non committal, until he text me that evening saying 'are you coming round or what?' Responded along the lines of 'oh, if you want'. Oh that sounds so immature and flaky.

I then saw Mr Pheasant a couple of times. He got some really bad news and went off radar, no response to a text sent from me asking if he wanted to go out again. (This was my attempt at leaving the 'aloof' and overly defensive stuff behind). Fair enough though.

Mr Consistently Nice (nicknamed tentatively..rightly so) - spoke on the phone for hours and hours. Met a couple of times. Seemed quite normal, nice, complimentary. Didn't set my world on fire particularly. Then last week, he called me and asked if he could come and see me, said he would leave his in 15 minutes and never turned up. I text him a couple of days later asking what happened (as I genuinely thought 'what if he crashed his car?') He responded saying he'd fallen asleep/been too tired and then thought I'd be 'on one' because he didn't turn up...so just ignored me instead? He's now asking to see me again but it's not going to happen.

So my question is about Mr Full On. I haven't dwelled too much on the others specifically although have thought that there must be something wrong with me after experiencing what seems to be a pattern of men disappearing. But I have thought about him, maybe just because I really fancied him. I sent him a text last night (about 6 weeks since he disappeared) just saying how are you. I got a response saying 'who's this, I lost my phone a while ago and lost all my contacts'. When I told him it was me, his attitude was 'my god, about time I heard from you, I lost my contacts and you never text me, how are you, can I see you. I've said yes, he's said he's free any time, wants to come and see me one day this week then take me out friday. I'm a prize mug aren't I? About to get used by him? Again? And the lost phone story is bollocks?

Oh, I'm really sorry for the huge outpouring from me, I just don't trust my own instincts at all...

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2013 08:07

Lubey :( for lack of sleep, poor you. I know how awful I felt when I couldn't sleep last week. Agree entirely that he should have said if the money was an issue at the time....really hoping he does the decent thing today and that will be a weight lifted I'm sure.

Re C, I am happier than I was before BUT I'm not as happy as I want to be (if that makes sense). I'm not overanalysing everything, I'm not filled with feelings of doom, so that's all good, but equally I'm not as excited as I should be at this stage, which given how infrequently I see him is probably not surprising. I'd like to give him a chance, suggest we see each other once a week even if it is only for an hour or whatever, but if he can't/won't do that then I don't think there's any future in it. Which is a shame because he is lovely, I like him very much and I know he likes me. Plus I do make a brilliant girlfriend, and would definitely make his life better (I'm also very modest Grin).

Hop the phone thing might be genuine - did he have any other way of contacting you though? Email? Did he have your address to pop round and put a note through your door? If so, then I suspect it may be BS. If not though it could well be true, it's happened to me in the past when I've lost phones.

lubeybooby · 18/03/2013 08:09

hoplittle... I've heard a lost phone story or two before mostly from the same wanker but I dunno. I'd probably give it a chance, you were thinking of him anyway and it didn't really end with any particular conclusion, and from what you've said it could be true, feasible etc.

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 18/03/2013 08:16

Hop Another phone loser here. It can happen. Just have your wits about you Smile

lubeybooby · 18/03/2013 08:17

Velvet you're right to think that, well on all counts there really!

I manage to be both ridiculously busy, knackered, and lazy at the same time but even BC and I managed to see each other every week/ten days and I definitely at very very least have time for an evening in a pub once a week, or a coffee and cake at the weekend... or anything along those lines especially if it was only for a couple of hours.

If he can't do that then I'd suspect it's won't rather than can't and that just isn't good enough.

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 18/03/2013 08:17

I really must write down all my numbers. Complete pain if you do lose your phone.

48howdidthathappen · 18/03/2013 08:22

Spot on Velvet We all make the time. It aint easy for any of us.

hoplittlebunnyhophophop · 18/03/2013 08:28

Thanks guys, Velvet he's been to mine before so it wasn't like he was battering down the hatches to see me. Though I suppose he could have assumed that I wasn't bothered either as I hadn't text him. He lives about 25/30 miles away, but no excuse not to come round to explain lost phone if he was really interested. Or maybe that would have been too full on after four dates. Argh. I'm seeing him tomorrow anyway. And apparently taking me out on friday. We'll see if he disappears again...really excited about tomorrow...

lubeybooby · 18/03/2013 08:29

yeah hop just see how it goes this time. Fingers crossed :)

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MirandaWest · 18/03/2013 08:37

Argh dishwasher has error code it had last year which needed man to come out and sort it. I rent so it will get done but will just take a couple of weeks for the letting agent to get their finger out (or has done on previous occasions). Plus I always feel worried when reporting maintenance. Thunk gutters may be blocked too - cant decide whether to mention that as well....

Nearly school time - I need to be dressed Blush

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2013 08:53

Lubey/48 yes he should be able to find the time to see me once a week, especially given how close we live to each other. I really hope it is just because he's thinking in terms simply of overnights (which can really only be on fridays) rather than that he doesn't want to see me regularly - which honestly wouldn't fit in with how he is when he's with me. We'll see. Am going to text him today and ask about friday...

lubeybooby · 18/03/2013 08:57

good luck velvet, hope you can at least get a drink or coffee in so you can chat even if he can't do overnight... agree maybe he just needs pointing in the right direction with how he thinks about dates and seeing you

Miranda argh! I loooove my dishwasher. if anything ever happens to it I may actually cry.

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 09:23

Am I being daft but if you've lost your phone how do you get a text on the old number? Or can the phone company put you on the same number with your new phone/SIM? Sorry, haven't been in that situation myself so I've no idea how it works. But I'd give him another try, Hop - it should make things clearer in your mind if nothing else, but it sounds like he wants to see you. If not, he could have just fobbed you off and not arranged to meet.

Velvet I think you have come to some good conclusions and I hope so, so much that he steps up and things work out for you. He does sound like a really nice man, just not enough actually seeing him.

And fingers crossed for you too Lubey that today brings something better from TT. I've been thinking about you a lot over the past couple of days with all this nonsense and I hope so much that things work out.

Haven't got anything sorted out for seeing LM this week. This is not making me feel good. I am chafing at the once/twice a week stuff - definitely needs to move to twice a week for me, but I am trying desperately to hang on with all this for just a few more days just because he has so much on his plate with the shop - officially open today whoopee!!!! So it is NOT a good time to start with all the whittly shite with him. But, if we don't make arrangements soon I am not going to see him for yonks as I need to sort out babysitters and all that. Might phone him tonight.

VelvetSpoon · 18/03/2013 10:08

Western I know when I've lost my phone in the past I've been sent a new sim for the same number. You can back up numbers online apparently with some phone co's but I have no idea how that works!

I do hope it works out with C, he is about a million times better than anyone else I've met OD, hence why I haven't given up long before now. But I want to be in a relationship with him and although I know that's months off yet, if we carry on seeing each other so infrequently it will never happen!

Hope you get to see LM this week :)

JulietteMontague · 18/03/2013 11:43

Hop yes just keep your wits about you, use it as practice for being yourself rather than try to behave how you think you should and see what happens.

Velvet you deserve someone who makes time to see you.

Lubey you don't need to give TT any head space at least until this evening, when he will be dealt with.

OWW few more days, few more days Grin

OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 11:57

Aargh getting a bit of angst, well a lot today, really. Trying to keep a lid on it. The problem is I KNOW it is stupid, I know why I'm doing it, I know what sets it off but I just can't stop it. LM is happy and busy in his shop. I should be here being happy and busy at work (actually having a good run at work at the moment and enjoying it) but instead I am focussing on stupid trivial whittly crap. Might ring him tonight and arrange to see him, might not as I don't want to be chasing round after him at the moment.

Smear test this afternoon!

48howdidthathappen · 18/03/2013 13:02

Yep OWW Just block phone and you get sent a new sim with your old number. No idea how to put numbers on computer, will do it the old way, in my address book.

I have kicked the needy me into touch. The super cool me is back Grin Grin Grin

OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 13:05

One of my projects is on the BBC News website!! Oh the sweet taste of fame ....

lubeybooby · 18/03/2013 13:15

Guess who didn't have to get to the small claims court threat stage?

Thank you everyone. He has paid!

OP posts:
48howdidthathappen · 18/03/2013 13:18

Great news Lubey Grin Glad you didn't let it go.

OhWesternWind · 18/03/2013 13:21

Oh cracking news Lubey! Well done for having the gumption to stand up for him and get what he'd promised. Brilliant.

Snapespeare · 18/03/2013 13:21

good news Lubey! :)

BeforeAndAfter · 18/03/2013 13:22

Excellent news.

lubeybooby · 18/03/2013 13:26

You're all awesome. Thanks for the factual wording suggestions and for keeping me calm. Flowers

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