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Original poster

What % of people do you think cheat?

120 replies

Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 16:04

Obviously this is just a discussion and nobody will ever know the answer, but what % of people do you think cheat on their partners?

Before my ex cheated, I would have bet my life on him not 'being the type' I would have sworn that he would never do that to me etc. etc. over the years nothing fails to surprise me any more and I am much more open minded that it happens A LOT.

I would guess at 90% of men and probably about 70% of women. I am basing this on knowledge of people that I know.

This is one of the reasons that I probably wouldnt enter into a serious relationship again, unless I wasnt expecting it to be exclusive...

OP posts:
ChestyLeRoux · 12/03/2013 16:06

Nowhere near that amount. Thats ridiculous.

kalidanger · 12/03/2013 16:07

Bloody hell, that sounds a bit high to me Shock

meditrina · 12/03/2013 16:09

I've read stuff on line that tends to put it at between 40-60%.

But I should imagine that it's an area where the urge to minimise is so strong, and those who have strayed are so likely to be accomplished liars, that it must be impossible to nail down.

Stopanuary · 12/03/2013 16:11

According to 'Psychology today'

link here

"Rates of reported infidelity hover around 13 to 10% across adulthood, with the peak of 20% occurring for couples in their 40s (far lower than the 40-76% cited by Calhoun)"

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 16:33

I know all the stats online, I honestly dont see how they get to them though to be honest, the people I know about have hardly gone around telling everyone! my ex isnt a stat, we arent divorcing for reasons of infidelity.

I am basing my 'guess' on what I know - i.e. people in real life, who either have done it and got caught out or have done it and left the relationship, plus a bit of 'guesswork'

The answer could never ever be 'known' as most would stay underground.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 12/03/2013 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalidanger · 12/03/2013 17:16

There's a difference between measurable stats i.e. how many divorces are for adultery, and self reporting stuff about infidelity.

I guess its a shame you know loads of people who cheat, and tell you they cheat (?). My experience is different.

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 17:28

I have only been 'told' about the cheaters who are my closest friends. Doesnt mean that they are serial cheaters necessarily, they may have cheated in the past for instance.

I dont just have loads of friends who sleep around!

As I said, I used to live in a little bubble, its probably more of a shame that my bubbe burst !

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 17:28

I have only been 'told' about the cheaters who are my closest friends. Doesnt mean that they are serial cheaters necessarily, they may have cheated in the past for instance.

I dont just have loads of friends who sleep around!

As I said, I used to live in a little bubble, its probably more of a shame that my bubbe burst !

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 17:28

Sorry double posted dont know how that happened!

OP posts:
cupcake78 · 12/03/2013 17:33

Op I'd have to agree its a very high %.

My experience is the majority of my male friends, in fact I think all of them except one have cheated at sometime be it a fully fledged affair or a drunken fumble.

My female friends I'd say 60% have. Many drunken kiss not affairs but yes it's still cheating.

Only 10-20% ever owned up or got caught. As sad as it sounds I think it's more common than not.

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 17:40

cupcake I am the same, the males I know who are friends have confided in me and the males that my ex know I knew about as my ex used to tell me (whilst making himself out to be the innocent one, more fool me!)

Every one of my male friends without exception said that if they 100% knew that they would get away with it, they would..

OP posts:
akaemmafrost · 12/03/2013 17:42

I think most men would cheat if presented with the perfect opportunity and they would not be found out.

I think rather less women.

ChestyLeRoux · 12/03/2013 17:43

I hardly know of anyone.I would say no one in my parents group that is beyond laughable. Out of my friends I only know of a couple of situations. I dont think its that common in married people Ive encountered. Suppose it depends on your group.

Bogeyface · 12/03/2013 17:49

Well it may be ridiculous but I agree with the OP's stats. I said "Pah, about 90% of men" when I read the title!

I would say no one in my parents group that is beyond laughable. Why is it? Just because they didnt divorce and you didnt hear about it doesnt mean it didnt happen. Doesnt mean that she didnt find out about the OW and ignore it in the hopes it would stop, or he found out about the OM and decided to forgive and give it another go. To say that you are 100% sure that any one would not cheat is beyond laughable.

ChestyLeRoux · 12/03/2013 17:52

My mum and dad only think you should have sex with one person, and dont agree with all this modern behaviour they read in the papers. My dad and mum have never spent a night apart since they were 20 and married, and together since 14. They dont drink and are never apart unless with other family. I would find it highly amusing if one had an affair. Grin

catlady1 · 12/03/2013 17:59

I tend to think the actual numbers are a lot higher than we would like to believe. Probably more people cheat than don't.

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 18:08

'I hardly know of anyone.I would say no one in my parents group that is beyond laughable. Out of my friends I only know of a couple of situations. I dont think its that common in married people Ive encountered. Suppose it depends on your group'

I dont think it depends on your 'group' at all, I dont hang around with loads of tarts!

how do you know that none of your parents group have done it? how do you know about the friends you know?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 18:10

'My mum and dad only think you should have sex with one person, and dont agree with all this modern behaviour they read in the papers. My dad and mum have never spent a night apart since they were 20 and married, and together since 14. They dont drink and are never apart unless with other family. I would find it highly amusing if one had an affair. grin'

My ex used to say to me that he thought cheaters were selfish, wrong and that he would never ever do it. We used to have discussions like the ones your parents probably have. All the time my ex was shagging everything that walked.

You dont need to spend nights away from home to be cheating :-)

(im not saying that they ARE, just saying that nobody can be 100% certain that someone hasnt unless they have been with them 24/7 for their entire adult life!)

OP posts:
noraknickers · 12/03/2013 18:12

I've worked in quite a few male dominated environments and I would say it's quite high. Guesstimate would be about 70%.

Have had same discussion with DH (who also works with loads of blokes) and he is of the impression that the vast majority of men would cheat given the chance.

InNeedOfBrandy · 12/03/2013 18:12

I think the majority of people M/F at some point in a relationship (doesn't have to be everyone they've had) have cheated.

MoreBeta · 12/03/2013 18:13

A senior doctor once told my wife that 1 in 10 babies born are not the baby of the man that the woman names as the 'father'. They can tell that because blood types dont match.

ChestyLeRoux · 12/03/2013 18:15

Im not saying its not existant but your figures are very high. The type of people I know I doubt there is ever any opportunity so it wouldnt really come up.

Definitely not with my parents and their very similar friends I have never known any of them be out with our the other half of the couple. My dad has never been on a works drink, met a friend or had a night away without taking my mum and thry have been together 46 years. All his lot are the same though, as I said thats why its laughable as they are a bunch of freaks. (in a nice way!)

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 18:19

Chesty do any of them work?

A friend of mine found out her husband had been having an affair for 2 years. In all that time he had been out 'alone' just 3 times. He used to leave work early, or go in late.

Everyone has time for an affair. Again not saying they have/are, but they could have !

OP posts:
Dinosaurhunter · 12/03/2013 18:20

The only people I personally know to have cheated are women and that's 3 people that have had actual affairs . I hope I would never cheat on my dh and visa versa and of course I have always been very black and white on the subject , once a cheat always a cheat etc ...
However my best friend had a affair and it changed my opinion .
This friend was ( is) very happily married but met someone and fell in deep love/lust . It lasted 6 months and she nearly left her dh but came to her senses . That was 5 years ago , her dh never knew and they are very happy and I hope she would never do it again as it was the person she fell on love with and hes long gone .

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