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Original poster

What % of people do you think cheat?

120 replies

Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 16:04

Obviously this is just a discussion and nobody will ever know the answer, but what % of people do you think cheat on their partners?

Before my ex cheated, I would have bet my life on him not 'being the type' I would have sworn that he would never do that to me etc. etc. over the years nothing fails to surprise me any more and I am much more open minded that it happens A LOT.

I would guess at 90% of men and probably about 70% of women. I am basing this on knowledge of people that I know.

This is one of the reasons that I probably wouldnt enter into a serious relationship again, unless I wasnt expecting it to be exclusive...

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 13/03/2013 22:38

Thanks Chesty. If it were only that simple! Its in the plan.

TheDipDapOfDestiny · 13/03/2013 22:50

Chesty I think that you are (sadly) quite naive. Three elderly women I know have been widowed in the last few years. It's come out in each case that the husband was repeatedly unfaithful and the wives just 'turned a blind eye, because that's what you did in those days'. These men were by no means high flying socialites, just your usual pipe and slippers, 2 of them very religious and active members of their church and all that. If someone ever leaves the house alone, they have got time to have an affair. I would imagine most affairs are work based.

My 'wonderful' marriage ended when my ex H cheated. No one could believe it. I also cheated many years ago, no one could believe it of me either (including myself).

Sadly I think that the percentage of people who will cheat at some point in their lives, during at least one significant relationship is high. 60% plus?

I no longer believe that a monogamous relationship is possible, but have no interest in an 'open' relationship, which leaves me rather out of options :(

Oh and FWIW since my divorce I have been hit on by 3 men. One was married, and two in long term relationships.

BabyRoger · 13/03/2013 23:10

I think it depends on how you are measuring all this cheating.

Like some other posters I did a bit of cheating/was cheated on in my late teens, early 20's in relationships that I know now were not the real thing and were immature.

I have been with DH for 9 years and have never ever considered cheating on him and I have had the opportunity on loads of occasions most notably my hen do where it was obvious I was the bride to be and I was hit on by no less than 3 men who obviously thought I might be up for a bit of last minute philandering

I absolutely disagree that most people would cheat if they thought they wouldn't get caught. I wouldn't. I have no desire whatsoever to be messing around with anyone else.

I don't mind if people call me naive but I do not believe DH would cheat on me.

I don;t think the figures for people in long term life partner relationships cheating will be anything like as high as 70% or above.

Out of all my friends and people I know; I only know one or two who have had affairs in long term adult relationships.

I know what people can be like, my dad left my mum for another woman. I know that not all people are like him, though!

CardinalRichelieu · 13/03/2013 23:16

I would not cheat on mine either, although we are not married and it has been easy so far. I like monogamy. But I have seen it happen more times than I can count (mostly at various workplaces) so I can never say DP would not cheat on me.

TheDipDapOfDestiny · 13/03/2013 23:43

People don't advertise the fact that they have cheated on their partner. So if you know 2 people who've had affairs, you can bet that there will be plenty more, but who haven't told you (or indeed their cheated on partner). Plenty of people cheat and do not get caught. (Just think of the utter shock that posters are on this thread when they discover their husband / wife has been cheating).

I've just been thinking about my friends in school and their parents. There was a bunch whose parents were divorced (affairs), then a few who were still married. Fast forward 20 years and most of those marriages have been revealed to have contained affairs, and either the couple have stayed together 'for the kids', or have since divorced now that the kids are adults.

God this thread is depressing me.

cronullansw · 14/03/2013 00:58

How does one define cheating? MN has such double standards on this.

An online bit of flirting is cheating, as defined by the 'Husband FB Messages' thread, with plenty of people saying LTB / pack his bags.

Meanwhile, the 'crush on another woman' thread, is mostly supportive. not many people saying that op has to leave her partner.

People cheat - it is in their nature, so don't end your life over it.

BeforeAndAfter · 14/03/2013 01:10

A few years ago I was summoned to my GP for my 3-year smear test. He asked if I wanted him to do a swab for Chlamydia and a couple of other STIs while he was 'in the area' and when I said: "go ahead, I know I haven't strayed but I am married to a man, so you never know". His response was telling - "I wish more women had your approach".

Darkesteyes · 14/03/2013 01:18

Ive been in a sexless marriage for 17 years and 7 years into it i had a 4 and a half year affair.
The affair ended over 5 years ago.
A by product of being in a sexless marriage.......EXTREMELY painful smear tests.

ChestyLeRoux · 14/03/2013 06:27

I suppose if you work with the opposite sex it might be more likely, but ime its very rare to even get with someone when your single through work for most people I know as people work in all men or all womens jobs. Most people I know wouldnt encounter the opposite sex on your average work day. I have never worked with a man in my profession. Dh last worked with a woman when he was 21.

We got married when dh was 19 and I was 20 and have only really experienced a shared social life, most people are the same ime when married.

Youcanringmybell · 14/03/2013 07:15

I also believe cheating to be very common in married couples..
My estimate would be that 75% of males in a marriage or long term relationship will cheat and about 30% of women will do the same.

I don not know many men that haven't cheated on one of their partners/ wives tbh and I know of a few women that have cheated on their husbands.

blueshoes · 14/03/2013 08:10

chesty: "Most people I know wouldnt encounter the opposite sex on your average work day."

I'm sorry, chesty, but what planet do you live on?

ChestyLeRoux · 14/03/2013 08:48

Men are plumbers,electricians, plasterers,builders,warehousemen etc usually no women. Women are in care,childcare etc usually no men. I only have a very small amount of friends in other trades such as hospitality and shop work which I suppose might be different.

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 14/03/2013 09:03

Chesty what has working with the opposite sex have to do with cheating?

OP posts:
ChestyLeRoux · 14/03/2013 09:05

Sorry was commenting on dipdap saying about affairs in the workplace.

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 14/03/2013 09:09

But it only takes one encounter, you dont have to work with someone day in day out.

OP posts:
wallypops · 14/03/2013 09:25

Up to 90% of men and 60% of women.

I live in France and I only know of one couple where (I'm relatively certain) both parties have been faithful. There is no divorce for fault here, so no financial incentive not to do it, and culturally, everyone is doing it, our politicians, on the TV, in the movies, books etc, so there is no shame in it.

It still breaks up families though. And every time I learnt that one half of a couple in our circle was at it, it made me feel sick. Turns out that my ex started his affair as soon as I was pregnant, and only stopped it (or it only stopped more like) shortly after the birth of our second daughter. I only found out after our divorce. He is nauseatingly religious, but apparently only God has the right to judge him!

Bogeyface · 14/03/2013 11:13

Chesty, you seem to live in a very sheltered world where no one has affairs, where all the men are electricians and plumbers and all the women are nurses or mums and no one socialises without their OH. ~You are either unique or very very naive.

Meanwhile, back in the real world.......

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 14/03/2013 12:39

When I first got married I lived in a little bubble like Chesty (please dont take offence chesty) my parents were happily married (still are) and everyone I knew was either married, or in a new relationship and they were all 'blissfully happy' my mum and dads friends were all happily married too :-)

Fast forward 20 years and I am separated (not directly through infidelity, but it happened in my relationship) 2 sets of my parents friends that I know about have separated through infidelity.. my mum confided in me that both my aunties husbands cheated on them, my bro's wife left him for someone else and loads of people have confided in me about affairs within their marriage (think they find it easier to confide when they know that you have gone through a separation)

My bubble has been well and truly burst and whilst it could be 'depressing' I actually dont think of it like that, I have just opened my mind and know what to NOT expect from any future relationship :-)

OP posts:
Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 14/03/2013 12:41

I think the 'scariest' thing (if you were to allow this to scare you) is that a friend of mine has been in a year long affair with a man who is the last person on earth you would expect to do that. He has told her that he wont leave his wife, he is not 100% happy but obviously happy enough to stay.

His wife has no idea whatsoever.

OP posts:
Lucylloyd13 · 14/03/2013 12:52

In certain circumstances, and given the opportunity, many will cheat.

Perhaps a better question might be "how can the risk of cheating be reduced in a realtionship?"

whiteandyellowiris · 14/03/2013 13:01

i have no idea at all

Original poster
Hopingtobehappy · 14/03/2013 14:05

If I were ever to have a long term serious relationship again there are a number of things that I would probably do if I didnt want him to cheat on me, but I wouldnt dare admit them on MN as I would get completely slaughtered :-(

OP posts:
maleview70 · 14/03/2013 15:15

Of my close friends, 11/15 have in the past when younger and with previous partners. Of thee same friends the figure drops to 6/15 and all of these were one night stands usually when on holiday with lads or stag do's etc.

There may be the odd one I don't know about but those figures won't be far out. Of the 6, all are still with partners and their partners have no idea.

I asked my dw and she knows 8 friends well. 7/8 had cheated in the past (some kissing only) and 2/8 have cheated on current partners including one affair, one ons and one kiss only.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 14/03/2013 16:34

I cheated once when I was 18. Was a bit young and swept off my feet after foolishly getting engaged to someone I felt was the bloke that would make my parents happy.

I don't really know where my peers find the time, between work, travel, family and housework I wouldn't be able to do it. Not that I am inclined.

Also, to look your partner in the eye is one thing, but how do cheaters carry on with their kids, kissing their children with the mouths that kissed other men and women.

I'm sure they manage to quantify their behaviour to themselves but I just couldn't.

I am surprised at the 40-60% number.

it makes me feel a little bit depressed tbh!

Sallystyle · 14/03/2013 17:34

I cheated once.. not on my current husband, when I was young too.

Now? I don't even want to have sex with anyone other than my husband. The thought actually makes me sick.

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