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Original poster

What % of people do you think cheat?

120 replies

Hopingtobehappy · 12/03/2013 16:04

Obviously this is just a discussion and nobody will ever know the answer, but what % of people do you think cheat on their partners?

Before my ex cheated, I would have bet my life on him not 'being the type' I would have sworn that he would never do that to me etc. etc. over the years nothing fails to surprise me any more and I am much more open minded that it happens A LOT.

I would guess at 90% of men and probably about 70% of women. I am basing this on knowledge of people that I know.

This is one of the reasons that I probably wouldnt enter into a serious relationship again, unless I wasnt expecting it to be exclusive...

OP posts:
ChestyLeRoux · 13/03/2013 06:32

What wild lives some people lead. Most men I knew have never even sat in a black cab, never mind have sex in one.

InNeedOfBrandy · 13/03/2013 06:43

I'm always surprised about my nans generation (just married when the pill came out) in her circle of friends and neighbours there are swingers and nudists, women who had 25year lasting affair which their husband knew about, men with whole different family's brothers and sisters who don't know each other, and my grandad who cheated on my grandma (not my nan) 3 times and almost left her for the last one because she had had cervicle cancer and couldn't be intimate. And that's the middle class but wrote down sounds like a Jeremy Kyle show!

maleview70 · 13/03/2013 07:16

% of people who have cheated in their lives will be high.

% who have cheated on current partner/DW/DH will be much lower.

I have cheated in the past but not in the last 10 years with DW.
As for as she tells me, She has only ever kissed someone once when with someone else (not me) and that was in the dying days of a relationship. She is a very loyal type but you can never be 100% sure.

tumbletumble · 13/03/2013 07:39

Agree with maleview. When I was in my early twenties I cheated on my partner (there was a bit of an 'overlap' between two relationships) but I've been faithful to DH for nearly 16 years and as far as I know he's been faithful too (even though he works in the city!).

Does that make me a cheater in your percentages?

Cien · 13/03/2013 09:28

Chesty, I think you'll find you really have no idea what goes on in the lives of most of the men you know. That's not at criticism , it's how things are. I think we really know very few people, even those who we are very close to. I had an affair, a very long time ago. People at work probably guessed but my closest friends, people I confide in over "everything" have no idea and would be horrified, I'm just not the sort!

I agree that women are better at keeping these things secret and generally less likely to brag/be more ashamed.

I think there are two sorts of people (for this thread) and that all of them are likely to cheat at some point. There are serial philanderers who will cheat on every partner and no matter what their circumstances.

Then there are (much bigger group) people who are basically decent and don't intend to cheat, but it "just happens". They find they need TLC during stressful times at work and it becomes bigger than they intended, they get drunk on a night out after a row with DP, they have a mid-life crisis and question everything about their life, they genuinely don't want to leave their DP for fear of hurting her/him and their Dc, but aren't getting much out of the relationship...

TisILeclerc · 13/03/2013 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChestyLeRoux · 13/03/2013 13:56

I think everyone just goes of their own experiences and can understand how you could feel jaded if youve been cheated on or your or your parents marriage broke up, but I think the majority of people dont do this when married. Might be different if they were the type to have casual relationships when young, but overall I would say less people cheat than the ones that do. Just my take though.

cronullansw · 13/03/2013 20:15

Everyone cheats.

Whether it's physical, emotional, theoretical, or alcohol led, or simply a fantasy, or a crush on another woman, or mildly flirting with the gardener / bar maid.

In each of these, it's a betrayal of the 'forsaking all others' vow, just to a greater or lesser degree.

Which is why it is so stupid to expect fidelity. :)

BelaLugosisShed · 13/03/2013 20:26

Everyone most certainly does not cheat, how dare you.

I expect fidelity, I'm not stupid Hmm, I expected it when I married at 18, I still expect it now 30 years later, just because total monogamy is something you don't understand , that doesn't make it impossible.

Sallystyle · 13/03/2013 21:02

I completely disagree that every man would cheat if they had the opportunity and knew they wouldn't get caught.

My husband is a very good looking man and like most people, has plenty of opportunities to cheat if he wanted. I like to think that he remains faithful to me out of love and respect, not fear of getting caught, just like I remain faithful to him.

I think a high percentage of people do cheat at some point in their life but I think some here are selling people short.

Since when is having a fantasy or having a crush on someone cheating Cron? I don't think my vows said I couldn't fantasise Confused

pamelat · 13/03/2013 21:07

I'd guess between 10 and 20%?

I work in male dominated environment, there's a lot of banter but that's all it is.

I only know one person who had an affair but my friendship group are all fairly newly married, maybe that makes acdifference? The cheating may increase when the novelty has worn off :(

MoreBeta · 13/03/2013 21:23

Samu2 - I agree.

Not every man would cheat if they could get away with it.

I absolutely dont want to. It has nothing to do with fear of getting caught.

CardinalRichelieu · 13/03/2013 21:39

I know several men who cheated on their wives (some long term, affairs that went on for a couple of years or more) and as far as I know they never got found out. I do think some people don't know who they are married to.

I don't personally know of any women who have had affairs, but possibly some I know have and just kept it under wraps. The men have been quite blatant about it, and everyone at work knew. One guy got off with a PA at a work party in front of everyone. His fiancee (now wife) wasn't there, and I guess she was never told.

CardinalRichelieu · 13/03/2013 21:40

I have been hit on by a few married men as well (am by no means an outright hottie). When I said 'No, because you're married to someone else' at least 2 of them said 'So what?'

Bogeyface · 13/03/2013 21:54

I have revised my answer.

Thinking about it earlier while waiting for the dinner to cook and realised that what stops most non cheaters from cheating is not the moral implications but the fact that it is seen as unacceptable by the majority. No one wants to lose their marriage or family to it (well not many) or be judged by family, friends and the wider society for it. So they dont do it because those things mean more to them than a shag with a stranger.

So I would say that 99% of people would do it at least once if they knew for sure that they would get away with it. And 95% would do it many times.

Yes I am cynical and battle hardened, but also realistic.

Bogeyface · 13/03/2013 21:55

cardinal I was hit on once when I was engaged and said "no thanks I am engaged" and got "I dont mind".

Oh well thats alright then, there was me fretting that you might not want me oh Gods gift! Prick.

CardinalRichelieu · 13/03/2013 21:58

Bogeyface I think that is why more so-called 'alpha males' do it - they know that even if they get caught a lot of people will side with them/not cut them out purely because they are rich, successful and influential. And sadly it's true. Folk will always suck up to men like that, even if they are quite unpleasant people.

It reminds me of that bit in Brideshead Revisited where Charles says that it must have been hard on Lord Marchmain being ejected from society for leaving his wife. And Marchmain's mistress says something like: 'You think people would reject a handsome, wealthy, clever man like Alex just for a bit of indiscretion? You are so young.'

CardinalRichelieu · 13/03/2013 21:59

x post - was replying to your comment about social disapproval

Bogeyface · 13/03/2013 22:01

You have a very good point. Although it is quite funny to see them all turn on the Alpha Male when he goes a step too far, thinking he is invincible. I can think of a list as long as your arm of politicians alone!

Bogeyface · 13/03/2013 22:01

xpost back atcha!

CardinalRichelieu · 13/03/2013 22:06

Yeah politicians usually come a cropper. But with that there is an element of 'you tell us not to be naughty, but you are being very naughty - ha!' (like schoolchildren with a teacher) that you don't really get when it's just a 'normal' alpha-male doing the dirty. And even then it depends on the politician. Alan Clark was just a 'lovable rogue' despite being a serial shagger, sometimes of very young women. Whereas Huhne just doesn't come across as a likeable person in any way.

ChestyLeRoux · 13/03/2013 22:19

Bogeyface you would honestly cheat if you knew you could get away with it? Why? I dont get it.

Bogeyface · 13/03/2013 22:24

Chesty Yes I would. But I am still in a marriage to man who cheated on me, so I dont really value our vows anymore, given that he didnt/doesnt. The reason I havent (and I have had the opportunity more than once), is because I dont want to lose my childrens stability and I dont want to be the "bad one" even though he did it first.

Like I said, cynical and battle worn.

Bogeyface · 13/03/2013 22:28

cardinal I know an Alpha Male, very popular, top of his profession, good looking, charming (to everyone except his wife) etc.

He is a very good friend of H (was our best man, should have seen that coming!) and I am certain he has cheated, he is the type. He is obviously threatened by his equally successful and very intelligent wife and having had an enlightening afternoon with her I am sure he has cheated on her. I think she knows he has too, but is biding her time. He has to win, always has to win. He openly flirted with me at my wedding ffs! I know exactly what you mean.

ChestyLeRoux · 13/03/2013 22:29

If I were you I would just leave. Everyone deserves happiness, and thats not how marriages are meant to be. There are lots of decent marriages out there, and you only live once so I wouldnt waste it on the wrong men.