Heart thumping - read DHs Facebook message

[50000feet]

Picked up the computer to check emails and DH was still logged on. Didn't realise at first as rubbish emails but clicked on FB messages. He's been messaging an old girlfriend from 20 years ago. Not the issue but when she asked if he was in a relationship, he denied me and said No, and now they're reminiscing about sex. It hurts he denied me, especially when we've been together 11 years. We had a break 6 months ago but are supposed to be taking it slowly and getting back to normal. He messages her on Saturday saying he remembered her nails in his back! But this was 30 mins before we had sex. My hearts thumping!

[notthesamenametoday]

[Bluelightsandsirens]

best to do nothing tonigh and then wait for him to come back and talk to him. It may be nothing more than an ego boost (ok if you are happy to deal with that) it may be more but without snooping further knowing more now your best bet is to go to bed.

[50000feet]

Night all, will think again in the morning, thanks for replying! :-)

[Monty27]

Addendum to my previous post

5000 I was in the same situation, didn't need him financially.

I forgot to say that he put his mobile number on there and there were no further messages between either (in the space of 10 months from the message and me inadvertently seeing it). But whether or not they had been in contact by mobile I don't know. I just wasn't risking it.

I told him about seeing it he was very angry, it wasn't my fault, I thought it was my fb.....

His reaction was enough. Goodbye, can't trust ya.

[sar1133]

Next time he rings have gold playin in background and tell him he accidentally left his fb logged in!

On a more serious note I would probably dig too. Probably a bored housewife. And he is having his ego boosted too. However the denial would crucify me too.

[AnyFucker]

how grubby

how can you still have respect for a partner that acts like this ?

and what does it do to your own self respect if you minimise it, make excuses for it and accept meaningless apologies?

< shakes head in bewilderment >

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

" I don't actually need him for myself or my kids to live"

That's the problem here. You don't need him and he doesn't need you. Flirting with exes and pretending to be single is just an indication of where he sees the relationship i.e.... it's optional. You're two independent people that happen to be together rather than a team. If you want to make a go of it as a couple you have to decide between you whether it's serious enough to make a commitment or that it was a mistake to get back together

[NotTreadingGrapes]

The issue here isn't whether he's gagging to be 20 again, or wants to see his ex, or won't, or might, or is still with you OP, or that it's "easy on FB".

The issue is he has denied your existence. That's how much he thinks of you.
He has told his ex that the 11 yrs you have been together never happened.

Does that not make you feel like grabbing a tiny bit of your self respect back with both hands and running for the hills?

[forgetmenots]

Applause for the last three posts, I thought it was just me! Why is this acceptable? I realise it won't be make-or-break for everyone but it's a serious act of disrespect and cocklodgery!

[50000feet]

Been thinking about this all day, did some snooping and he's messaged her again, this time I logged into his account. The words are killing me and I can't unread them. He's text me three times today and phoned 3 times, haven't picked up or relied. :(

[Dottiespots]

Hi OP.....I thought that this might happen. O god. You have read some horrible stuff havnt you.......? Im sorry......! Do you want to tell us ....

[Dottiespots]

what you going to do? Id be tempted to text him and say "I know everything about you and your ex girlfriend. All your stuff is waiting for you. You wont be living here anymore.

[50000feet]

Oh dear, my anger just got the better of me. Have sent him a horrible text! That's it - can't come back from that!

[Timetoask]

Mid life crisis, for both the idiot h and the idiot old girl friend. Why do people destroy their good lives like this I will never understand.

[50000feet]

Just messages her on Facebook and introduced myself and told her I might share with her husband - I'm fuming!

[Xales]

OK step away from the keyboard texts now.

What you have done is understandable, it is enough though. Bloody annoying as it is don't let yourself be lowered by their actions.

/hugs

[tametortie]

I think I would do the same....

What did you say to him? Any reply?

I would be fuming also.

[Dottiespots]

haha....O...OP...what a rush you must have had!!!! I would have done exactly the same. What a feeling. Are you ok?

[Snazzynewyear]

Quickly take copies or screenshots of the messages you found though so he can't deny it's been happening.

Has he responded to your message? I would be putting his stuff in bin bags while you wait. So disrespectful.

[Dottiespots]

I know its not funny but I also know at that very minute you did it there would have been a feeling of power.

[Stropzilla]

I hope youre ok OP. what a shocker and not surprised you sent messages. Im sure you were more restrained than I would have been.