Terrified of ex-bf's lies to get more custody, advice needed :(

[BriAndLottie]

Previously posted about this in AIBU but it was suggested I posted here too, so I'll start from the beginning.

Ex-bf and I met at secondry school. We were both excluded from school around the time we first got together and were using illegal substances, I was living with him at the time after a fallout with my mum. During that time we had a child together who was sadly stillborn. At 16 I sought help and ended up in a private fostering arrangement, went back to school and stopped taking the drugs. I have a brilliant relationship with my foster mum and still live with her now. Ex-bf and I were on/off for a year or so after that, during which I had a brief relapse but stopped when I found out I was pregnant with our daughter- the two of us haven't been together since but have remained friends, and I've been completely clean. DD is now three and I would never do anything to compromise her wellbeing.

Until recently ex-bf hasn't really seen DD on a regular basis- for about 4 months he's been having every other weekend with her, those weekends he picks her up from preschool on Friday afternoon and brings her back on Sunday afternoon. This weekend was one of his weekends.

On Friday, one of my best friends who works at DD's preschool told me that when ex-bf picked DD up that day, he asked to have a word with her and said he had reason to believe I'm using again and is afraid for DD's welbeing. He claims to have seen me under influence herself- that is absolute rubbish. This weekend he's also texted me to say he's going to push for 50/50 custody as he doesn't think I can look after DD full time, he's also texted my foster mum asking if she's got any reason to believe I might have started using again.

He dropped DD home today 45 minutes late and said she was anxious about coming home and seemed very distressed- both my mum and I thought she was absolutely fine. According to DD, she had a good weekend but Daddy asked her some funny questions, like whether she'd seen me acting strangely or scarily, and how many times I'd been out after her bedtime recently

I'm absolutely terrified he's going to try and turn my past against me :( I'm seeing a solictor next week and having a hair sample taken to proove I haven't been taking anything, but in the mean time any advice/hand holding would be much appreciated.

Thanks everyone for the wellwishes- it went fine actually, I took DD into nursery this morning and she was quite clingy at first but then settled into it. I had a chat with the teacher and she can't think of anything that could have upset her on Friday. DD doesn't normally go to preschool on Thursdays as I don't work today, so I'd arranged to do today as a one-off and meet a friend for coffee while DD stayed for the morning without me. She was absolutely fine until I left, then suddenly got anxious and wanted to know who was picking her up at lunchtime, me or daddy once I'd promised her I'd pick her up, she was fine.

Goldmandra- I did take the birth certificate, brilliant suggestion, thank you :)

I'm glad she settled well, Bri.

You're taking the right approach to help her to feel secure. It's a shame he seems to have upset the applecart for her but with this approach you'll make sure it doesn't have a long term impact on her.

Just remember that you have a right to feel safe and secure too. If he starts playing any sort of mind games make sure you ask for support from your foster mum (who sounds fab) and your solicitor.

Do you turn your phone off in the evenings so he can't hassle you?

We've had a bit of a saga this evening- ex-bf turned up on the doorstep demanding to be let in to see DD, accused me of holding his past against him when mine was no better, etc etc. Thankfully DD was already in bed and slept through it. He started shouting before I could get to the door so we knew who it was, bolted the door and ignored him, he shouted through the letterbox that he knew we were in as my foster mum's car was outside, and he wasn't leaving until I agreed to let him see DD, and apparently after withdrawing contact he had the right to more contact time when it started up again The police were called and he's been arrested for trespassing.

Oh how horrible!

I'm really glad the police have dealt with him and that your DD slept through it.

You should probably contact your solicitor tomorrow to find out how you can deal with this if he persists in coming round.

The drama tonight may be a pain in the arse but it will help you in the long run,especially if he does it a few more times.

How horrible Bri

You've dealt with it incredibly well though.

Your ex isn't going to be winning father of the year award anytime soon, that's for sure.

I suppose he has done me a favour really, doesn't feel that way at the moment though. I'm just worried about what he's going to try next.

((((HUGS))))

You must feel very vulnerable at the moment.

Whatever he throws at you just stay focused on keeping he impact on your DD to a minimum, say nothing negative in front of her and trust the courts and the police to deal with him.

You're doing really well by staying calm and holding the moral high ground. Keep it up

Yikes! I agree with the others though that that kind of behaviour is doing you a favour in the long run.

Logging this with the solicitor is a wise idea. They need to know and if he continues you can push for an injunction or something.

Try not to worry what he'll do next. He now cannot pick her up from nursery as you have sorted that side of things, if you are worried about him turning up and making a scene there then maybe pick her up slightly early.

Please update us op... Thinking of you x

candy The OP has started a new thread about him reporting her to social services.

Do you have a link please? X

Link to new thread