Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does he have a GF? Dodgy text

125 replies

Finwort · 03/03/2013 21:50

NC for this.
I've been sleeping with this guy on and off for nearly a year, it's very casual.
It's quite normal for us to text or call one another late at night, typical booty call.
We've both agreed that if either of us meets someone, we will tell the other, ie this is only acceptable as long as we are both single.
Last saw him on Tuesday, everything was fine.

Sent him a text last night, about 11.30pm, just said 'are u busy?' . I got a reply straight away saying 'hello..why do you ask..and who is this ?'
First thing I did was check that I'd sent it to the right number, which I had.
Now I'm thinking he's got a GF and it was her who saw the text and replied to it.
I feel horrible about this, if he's with someone he hasn't told me and I feel bad for her, but there again as he's having sex with me on the side this has probably done her a favour to find out what he's like.

I haven't text him again, if he does have a GF I don't want to cause any further trouble, but I'm more than a bit pissed off if he has because he's lied to me too.

Anyway, just wondering what others make of the text reply. I can't find any other explanation. Any other suggestions?

OP posts:
nipersvest · 04/03/2013 12:09

poor you op. he's been well and truly busted. he is obviously not as clever as he thought he was!

msrisotto · 04/03/2013 12:12

Sorry he turned out to be a dickhead op

Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 12:23

Sorry,not had chance to read all replies yet, just been away talking to my friend about this, she's absolutely floored by it. She met him once and thought he was lovely. Biscuit.
He was always pushing me to see me more often and go out on real dates, the fucking bastard. It was always me that just wanted to keep things casual because I don't want a serious relationship at the moment.

Someone asked upthread about my intentions with him - no I never want to see him, speak to him or hear from him ever again. Just to be clear!

OP posts:
flurp · 04/03/2013 12:40

Having seen enough threads on here from women who have found texts on their 'D'Hs phones I think you should tell her.
There is nothing worse than having your suspicions and not knowing the facts. You would be doing her a favour and it nothing less than he deserves.

kinkyfuckery · 04/03/2013 12:55

What an absolute wanker!

Glad you have told him to do one. I really hope he doesn't worm his way back in.

Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 13:10

I don't have a way to contact his wife. Unless she made a note of my number from the text and contacts me.
If she does contact me I'd tell her.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 13:12

I bet you could find her via facebook......Wink

TheThickPlottens · 04/03/2013 13:18

Good on you Finwort. What a twunt. I'm glad you didn't get emotionally involved with him.
Poor wife. Hopefully she's getting more evidence before she confronts him.

scaevola · 04/03/2013 13:25

If you know how to contact his wife, then consider a short message "I am so sorry. I would never have become involved with him if I knew he was married. I will have no further contact with him whatsoever".

If you don't know where to find her, don't start hunting. It may make you look like a loon and will keep your attention in the past with this married tosser, not moving on towards your future.

ApplyYourself · 04/03/2013 13:25

Well, if this is a FWB 'oh so casual' situation, then you just need to chalk it up to experience.

Usually when folk get into FWB relationships it is because they have other, more permanent ones, in the background. Not always, but a lot of the time.

So, as it's 'very casual' just move on and leave him to it.

Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 13:56

Thanks everyone.

I hope she's getting more evidence together too, otherwise he'd probably tell her that my text must have been a wrong number. I kind of wish I'd put his name on the text and said something a bit raunchy too, as someone suggested upthread.

Anyway, I'm not feeling anywhere near as angry now as I was this morning, I was so mad my hands were shaking when I was typing some of my updates earlier.

OP posts:
DeafLeopard · 04/03/2013 14:14

Glad you are feeling a bit better Finwort - what an arse he is

Scrazy · 04/03/2013 15:33

If you were prepared to put up with being a convenient booty call for someone then why are you upset that they aren't being upfront with you about other things.

I would avoid being casual with someone who you obviously expect more from. Sorry to be harsh.

Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 15:38

The OP was happy with the situation, all she asked for was honesty. I hardly think that is too much to ask.

Estherbelle · 04/03/2013 15:41

Sorry, I have agree with Scrazy. While I'm not condoning what this twunt has done for a minute, I just can't get my head around No Strings Attached sex...I personally wouldn't get any pleasure out of having sex with someone to whom I had no emotional attachment. And for the OP to have this emotional reaction, she clearly DOES have an emotional attachment to this man.

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 04/03/2013 15:42

Fin I've been in a very similar situation. FWB with someone and a month later I found out he was married with a child. I didn't want anything else from him but I wouldn't have gone there if I had known.

Been FWB still means honesty should be there. Nothing wrong with having no strings sex or been a 'booty call'.

Kiriwawa · 04/03/2013 15:42

I have had a FWB relationship. It was on that basis because there was a big age difference and we were at very different places in our lives and neither of us wanted a relationship.

I know for a fact he wasn't married/in another relationship and would feel exactly like the OP if I'd been in her shoes.

This is nothing to do 'expecting more' from the relationship but is about expecting common decency and honesty.

Sorry he's turned out to be such an arse Finwort and glad you're feeling a bit better about things

FascinatingNewThing · 04/03/2013 15:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Scrazy · 04/03/2013 15:48

I don't reckon that people who do the casual no strings type sex are the most reliable people in the world. Not in my experience anyway. Whilst it would be nice of them to give the other person the common decency of honesty, it would very rarely happen when they can and want to maintain 'having their cake and eating it'.

Kiriwawa · 04/03/2013 15:49

I am very reliable Scrazy. I just don't have the same attitude to sex that you do, clearly. That doesn't make me a bad person Hmm and like the OP, I wouldn't have no-strings sex with someone in a relationship.

Scrazy · 04/03/2013 15:52

Oh god, I'm speaking from experience here.

I said 'people', what I really meant was 'some men'. I am reliable and have had no strings sex. Honesty didn't come into it, I'm afraid.

Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 16:04

The OP's reaction is more to do with having been lied to and then finding out that she has been the OW for a year without being aware of it, than any feelings she has about him. At no point has she said she is hurt, just bloody pissed off.

FascinatingNewThing · 04/03/2013 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 16:11

He was a very convenient booty call for me too, let's not forget. I wasn't 'putting up' with being a booty call, I actively did NOT want a relationship. It does amuse me when the moralists get this idea that only the man is getting any benefit from a situation like this.

As for the judgement about people who do casual NSA type sex not being reliable, I've been having NSA sex on and off for almost 10 years now. I'm reliable, I'm honest, and I'm - gasp - a decent and upstanding member of society.

I will continue to enjoy NSA sex until the times come when I want to be in a relationship. I don't want a relationship at this point in my life, but I do enjoy sex. Some people choose not to have sex when they're single, that's fine for them. But not for me.
This one bad experience isn't going to put me off, none of the others have ended badly. I'm even good friends now with some of them.

Have to see the funny side of this. I've not told any lies, I've not hurt anyone that I'm supposed to be faithful to, and yet it's me being judged here.

OP posts:
Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 16:13

The OP's reaction is more to do with having been lied to and then finding out that she has been the OW for a year without being aware of it, than any feelings she has about him. At no point has she said she is hurt, just bloody pissed off.

Exactly Bogey.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread