Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Does he have a GF? Dodgy text

125 replies

Finwort · 03/03/2013 21:50

NC for this.
I've been sleeping with this guy on and off for nearly a year, it's very casual.
It's quite normal for us to text or call one another late at night, typical booty call.
We've both agreed that if either of us meets someone, we will tell the other, ie this is only acceptable as long as we are both single.
Last saw him on Tuesday, everything was fine.

Sent him a text last night, about 11.30pm, just said 'are u busy?' . I got a reply straight away saying 'hello..why do you ask..and who is this ?'
First thing I did was check that I'd sent it to the right number, which I had.
Now I'm thinking he's got a GF and it was her who saw the text and replied to it.
I feel horrible about this, if he's with someone he hasn't told me and I feel bad for her, but there again as he's having sex with me on the side this has probably done her a favour to find out what he's like.

I haven't text him again, if he does have a GF I don't want to cause any further trouble, but I'm more than a bit pissed off if he has because he's lied to me too.

Anyway, just wondering what others make of the text reply. I can't find any other explanation. Any other suggestions?

OP posts:
Xales · 04/03/2013 09:32

Just to be on the safe side. Tells you everything you need to know. He has a more permanent female in his life.

It is not about it being casual. It is still about treating the other with decency and about OP not wanting to be an OW if I have read it correctly.

OutsideOverThere · 04/03/2013 09:37

Yes Fin I never wanted to imply that you wouldwillingly continue a relationship knowing he was involved elsewhere - I don't think you have done anything wrong.

I just think he took it that he could use you. I am really sorry. It does sound like he has someone at home. What a dickhead.

Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 09:42

It is not about it being casual. It is still about treating the other with decency and about OP not wanting to be an OW if I have read it correctly.

Yes, Xales that's exactly it.

Well he should be home about now, I hope he poos himself when he sees that phone if whoever sent the text didn't delete it from Sent Grin

OP posts:
DeafLeopard · 04/03/2013 09:42

Outside: "no responsibility to one another (excepting basic human decency and possibly using protection)" - basic human decency would be to be honest with the OP if he has a relationship and not cheat on the other person in the relationship. So yes, he owed her that, regardless of the nature of the relationship.

OP I'm sorry he's a twunt, but at least you know now.

chickydoo · 04/03/2013 09:43

Just read your thread
It sounds very much like he wants to have his cake & eat it too.
Looks like he's got himself in to an interesting situation
If it were me I think I'd tell him where to go. Obv he's stressed about something, rushing home on a Monday morning to check a text... Very odd. Bet you can't wait to see what he comes up with.

scaevola · 04/03/2013 09:45

Some people have two phones for totally innocuous reasons: one personal, one supplied by work (a good arrangement, as you can turn to work one off when not available for work). But I'd have expected that arrangement to be openly known.

I do think he's buying time by asking you not to call (whilst he works out exactly what he did and comes up with a new story). The likeliest explanation is that the text was seen by someone he wishes to hide your relationship from, and "who is this?" was the only way to deflect their opprobrium.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 04/03/2013 09:48

I an shamelessly marking my place to see his lame bizarre explanation

NettleTea · 04/03/2013 09:54

yes its the running home immediately thats the problem here........

MTBMummy · 04/03/2013 10:00

The running home makes me think he has a wife/long term gf who had found his "spare" phone and he's now panicking

Catchingmockingbirds · 04/03/2013 10:09

If you're just sleeping with him I don't see why he should have to tell you if he has a second phone or not. Switching the one SIM card between 2 phones, as imagine says, could mean he would still use the same number and some phone numbers may not be saved in the other address book. You'll probably never know the full truth about what's going on, but you say you don't trust him and won't be sleeping with him anymore so just break ties and move on.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 04/03/2013 10:37

How has he sent you a text if his phone is at home? Confused

He is sounding quite panicky now isn't he? Have you sent him a text back saying "Just in case what?"

Expect he's pooed himself on the way home anyway! Grin

Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 10:37

catching Oh I agree, he didn't have to tell me that he had a second phone, but I didn't say he ought to. What I did say is that it was strange that he's never mentioned it and I've spent a lot of time at his place and never seen him switching between two phones. I've been with him when he's taken and made work calls and personal calls. The only reason I've mentioned it here is because this now adds to the suspicion.

OP posts:
ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 04/03/2013 10:39

Sorry, should have asked: Have you sent him a reply asking "the safe side of what?"

Original poster
Finwort · 04/03/2013 10:41

For those who may be waiting to hear his BS story, like I am, he's tried to call me three times in the last 15 minutes. I was on a Skype work call and couldn't answer but I'm now free to speak to him so as soon as he gets back to me I'll update here.
I'm thinking back now and am starting to think I've been shagging Walter Mitty, but I've not got the worst end of the deal, it's his girlfriend/partner/wife who's had the truly shitty end of the stick.

I'll say it again. Twunt.

OP posts:
DeafLeopard · 04/03/2013 10:43

YY to the dashing out of work and telling you not to text sounds very much like he has been rumbled and is panicking

FairyJen · 04/03/2013 10:50

Yes if he text you then he has access to his messages. It's the sim card that receives and stores them not the phone...

Sorry op but he has another woman

hellsbellsmelons · 04/03/2013 11:05

Still no update?
Marking my place too!

Geordieminx · 04/03/2013 11:09

Very strange..

kinkyfuckery · 04/03/2013 11:11

Huh? How did he text you on his way home to get his phone?

Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 11:18

He's got a secret phone and she found it. He could be using the sim in both, because the message wont be transferred from phone 1 to phone 2, it will stay on phone 1 so he can use the same number but keep his "booty call" messages on his secret phone.

nipersvest · 04/03/2013 11:21

so, he's ditched work and it dashing home to retrieve a second mobile phone while ringing you 3 times?, sounds like a two timing man in a panic to me!

TheThickPlottens · 04/03/2013 11:22

Well spotted kinky.
But he didn't want OP to call or text the other phone before he got there so that implies 2 phones and 2 sims.

AnyFucker · 04/03/2013 11:24

...and 2 women

SPsFanjoTheBigStickyHaribo · 04/03/2013 11:25

He has a gf/wife no doubt and has been caught out and is shitting it. That's what it sounds like to me!

Bogeyface · 04/03/2013 11:26

But not if she only has one number for him, and presumably he rang from the number she texted so that means he can only have one sim.