Dating thread 44

[lubeybooby]

Here we go - all dating chat here!

I disagree strongly with thinking he was dumped anyway so going on match

When I've had times of depression I push people away especially new people. I wouldn't have gone within 100ft of a dating site.

I would have been convinced I was no good and no one would want me.

I'm not buying this depression thing. I really think he has over exaggerated it and played up the Eeyore poor me card to cover himself while he keeps his options open.

No ..he wasnt dumped but thought he Oww was going to...infact that is what he said. But its up to OWW as to what she feels is a clincher....one that will end the relationship.

I have had a job to keeps things going with Mr R&R since my depression kicked in, just wanted to shut him out. Looking for someone else would of been the last thing on my mind.

Really hope your talk allows you to see things clearly.

Yeah he said he thought oww was going to dump him, but it just sounds more and more like another 'poor me, feel sorry for me' ruse to me. Maybe even as conniving as giving himself a get out clause. Or trying on purpose to get dumped Either way I'm not buying it.

see 48 knows first hand what I mean too... there's just no way

He is a bullshitting cowardly knobber.

Bloody hell, Western :( I am shocked. God knows how you must be feeling.

I am not sure talking to him right now is the best course of action tbh. I would want to distil my thoughts in writing but that's me, and I know we are all different.

None of us knows to what extent LM is depressed. I think he is certainly stressed, but I also get the feeling that he is something of an attention seeker. (although I understand that because I am one too, probably much more so in fact...) and that he has maybe played up the poor me thing a little, and I just get the feeling - and again maybe it comes back to the attention thing - that his problems were always a little worse (genuinely or not) than yours.

I know people do things hugely out of character when depressed, but there is something a bit calculating about going on a dating site...it's not sitting in a bar getting plastered and chatting up women. That maybe I would have expected/been able to reason a way round.

I agree, you need to be in a good place to do internet dating. You need to have a thick skin and confidence in yourself. This is the reason I deleted my profile, I'm not feeling up to it.

I'm glad you said that Lubey, my ex loved playing the depression card amongst other cards when I found his 'secretlife' email account and yes that was the name he used for his email address to contact other women AND men on these sites. The behaviour is abhorrent, don't tolerate it like I did!

Just before I head off to see Mr R&R.

All the equipment bar the hoist for my mum arrived today. The hoist will be here Monday.
So Monday is home coming day

Western I'm so sorry. My take is that it doesn't matter why he was on there, he was on there. The 'I thought you were going to dump me' thing is full on pity me and the right thing to do would be to say sorry and show you he was sorry. It is not going on a dating site. I'm sure lots of people on here have done it after a row or whatever, it doesn't make it ok. Depressed or not (and I think its still possible to be depressed and do it like a fix), it shows a fundamental lack of character to want that much external attention.

He has form, fb the night he let you down, not telling the little friend you were his gf, not telling her to stfu with the fb comments that were overstepping the mark given that he is now in a relationship. I don't think for one minute he has been up to anything, it is his inability to man up in any way and deal with the drama he creates.

Jule you are right and Lubes too.....guess it just depends on OWW and what she wants to do with that information.....if its dealbreaker stuff to her at this stage in the game.

Oh OWW I hope you're ok.

I want OWW to be able to come back to the thread irrespective of any decision she chooses to make about the relationship and feel comfortable with us. I for one have no expectations of her and am totally sitting in a non judgemental position regarding her wishes.

Totally agree Ike. We all try to give the best advice/support we can, but none of us know the whole situation, and none of us know LM. I trust OWW to make the best decision she can at the moment, and will support her whatever that is.

oww hope you are ok.. I'm with ike .. Whatever you decide we're right behind you xx

Hope everything's ok, OWW, and if it's not ok, that you are happy with your decision.

I am happy.

I have had explanations which whilst not great do make sense and have been suggested by people on here.

The main problem was the other stuff which I am now happy with as well.

I feel a bit nervous about posting asI know some/a lot of you will think I've made the wrong decision. I don't. I love him, he has reassured me he loves me, and as to how things will work out, who can tell? But I've decided to post this as I'm not a coward any more. Have talked about many,many things tonight and got a lot of things straightened out.

Sorry if you are disappointed in me. I really, really value all your support and input but in the end I have to do what feels right to me.

Western, if you're happy it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Am glad that you are, and you got the answers you wanted/needed.

Sometimes you have to trust your instinct with things, and let them take their course. Life is never completely black and white.

Very happy for you that it's worked out and very happy for you that you said your piece. Your bf your call

No way would anyone be disappointed in you. It is never about that anyway, people just generally want to best for others on here and post about what they see from the outside.

btw you might have once known it was expedient to keep quiet but you have never, ever been a coward. Sleep well lovely.

Oww, why would we be disappointed in you? You know your relationship better than anyone on here, and hell, I am hardly an expert on what to do and not to do in relationships!

You are a lovely, kind woman and I am just really glad you feel happier now.

Long as you really are happy OWW and are not kidding yourself, talking yourself into it, being too nice or reasonable and things really are sorted and he is going to buck his ideas up.

That's quite a long list - haha. You know what i mean though. Just want you to be properly, truly happy and getting all the love, affection, reassurance, respect and consideration you deserve.

OWW follow your instincts and be happy. Enjoy yourself and do what you want with your life.

Apologies that the remainder of this post is all about me...

On other suitable (abbreviated to SU) man/men related news:

Back from date. He was nice, but...his sense of humour is a little cruel and I think that although I would date him and I will keep looking. I have never named my blokes really I would call him 'Librarian'. Not especially SU, a little too entitled for my liking and said a few things in general conversation which I deemed un-gallant with regard to other women and their looks etc.

I am also talking to a chap on Match in a very slow and polite way who on the face of things seems much more SU.

Am talking to one other SU man on POF, although things are generally quiet on POF for me at the moment.

Whilst my Match mailbox requires Google translate. Wish I was as popular with SU British men (who live nearby).

I've learnt an important lesson: don't tell your friends in RL about your OD experiences. I think my 'best' friend, isn't anymore as a result of finding out the number of people and the level of detail she divulged . But better to know and set up limits/boundaries than to be under a misapprehension. But I am a little bruised by this disappointment. I don't do best friends at all, haven't had one since my early 20's but thought she was special, sometimes I feel a fool.

But as Juliette said on a previous thread 'whatever happens, you are still you and still as lovely as ever'. This has become an affirmation which really has helped me to keep on keeping on. Better times on their way (I put an order in).

Night All x

Pfff. can't sleep. Had to wait up to get one of the cats in (otherwise she wails outside and throws herself at the door) dirty stop out mog. Hmpf.

Anyway now I'm wide awake past the point of tiredness and so I checked out some Glaswegian men on PoF. Oh yeah... liking these chaps. Very nice, some of them. I might have accidentally got myself a date with one too to replace Mr S. :o

This all feels very naughty... I don't think I've ever arranged anything that I actively intended to be a one nighter before! Yep you guessed it... I have ventured into IE on PoF. Holy dating moly... that was quite an experience. But I have to say, mostly really lovely messages, compared to having done IE in the past around my usual area... the men are much more polite it seems and read profiles more thoroughly in Glasgow.

Breaking my mini drought was good earlier too. Thank feck for that, what a relief finally.

WFF that really sucks about your friend.

Mind you, I have many whose brains would vaporise on the spot if they knew some of the things I've got up to and the numbers involved.

It's more of a reflection on her being judgey than it is on you. As the quote goes, you are still you and you are lovely as ever. What the fuck has your sex and dating life got to do with friendships? I just don't get it. it's not some terrible thing that harms anyone is it?

Dear OWW, how could you possibly imagine that anyone would be disappointed in you ? I think people were genuinely taken aback and outraged when you found LM on Match and the strength of those feelings came across in the comments, we all just want the best for you. You know LM and you know what he said to you, that's what's important. And there is nothing cowardly about you at all.

Go, Lubey !

WFF, what an arse your friend is, it's terribly disappointing when someone you've trusted lets you down like this.