Dating thread 44

[lubeybooby]

Here we go - all dating chat here!

Ike what Scazy said in her last two posts.

Yeah its been over 3 years now.....and I am not sure how to push the recovery process onto the next stage. Sometimes it does feel like groundhog day emotionally. I feel better and then utterly wretched again. Anyway this is not dating stuff so I'll stop now.

Right, given that I've been exchanging mails with this american for 5 hours and we've arranged a date next week, I should probably give her a name.

Miss America sounds a bit too optimistic :) How about Miss Jersey?

Morning everyone,

Bant - what about Miss Badabing ? With any luck that will be the only thing that's a bit Tony Soprano about her.

Ike I hope you feel better this morning.

OWW hope LM played a blinder last night.

Have a delightful Monday everybody

Morning all,

I've been reading every day but not posted for ages. Busy old week for me!! Right then...

ike sorry but those friends of yours stink. Having been the injured party I can never accept or normalise cheating. It is awful. Having known that you have been through similar I am astounded that your friend wanted to off load her grimy stories on to you. If that is the type of thing she wants to get involved in then maybe she isn't such a good friend to have. Chin up lovely!!

snape I love the snape and nameless love story. It is ace!!!

oww glad to see that you are in a better place. I didn't post the other day because I had nothing to add to what the lovely ladies already put on here. You know LM better than any of us so go with your gut instinct

bant loving hearing about your overseas dating!! Fun, fun, fun!!

lubes - I love your strength and attitude. You are amazing!!

Everyone else - happy Monday!!!

Had such a busy week - job interview (first in 6 years!!) was on thurs. went okay. Will find out this week. Don't think I've got it but actually enjoyed the process. Have applied for another one! Had a lovely party on sat for my little girl. she is one!! all my family and friends we're there and it was perfect. Ex was not missed for one second. It was brill and dd was spoilt!!

Dating is going well with Mr Irish. Ex had kids yest afternoon so Mr I took me out for lunch. God he looked amazing, smelt loooooovely and we had a really good time then migt have indulged in a bit of kissing!! I am all smiley. He is nice, grown up and knows who he is and what he wants. It is moving at a nice pace. He also came in to my house for a cuppa and noticed my leaky kitchen tap. He text me later with a photo of a new set of taps saying he is going to replace mine! Cool or what!!! We are meeting again on Friday

Just packing now to go to centreparcs till friday with the kids and some friends. For the first time in about 2 years life feels good!

Ike So sorry you are feeling down. I have never understood cheating myself, people in relationships are out of bounds. I wouldn't want to end up sharing my life with a cheater, as I would know they were a liar, would never be able to trust them.

I am all smiley for you pome

Thanks 48 good to hear that things are back on track with r&r. I have always thought that he sounded like a really nice man who is definately into you!!

Morning all, not posted for ages either, will read through on the train to a meeting this morning ... But briefly OWW just skim read and got a gist, feel gutted I wasn't around to join in the support for you, hope all went well with LM last night,

Ike I love this saying, because never a truer word spoken 'if you marry a man who cheated on his wife, you are a married to a man who cheats on his wife' , unfortunately I am living testament to that fact. It is rather bizarre that my STBXH's ex wife and I are now on good terms having experienced the same abuse at the hands of the same man. OW always learn the hard way however rosy it may look on the outside!

Happy Monday everyone else!

Morning all

Pomegranate thank you and lovely update there :o

ike re: your friends being OW, I would feel very sorry for them as deluded fools. Presuming they are single then crime of the attached man who has possibly even made vows and all that is FAR far greater, imho. He's the one with the obligation to NOT stick his penis in other women. OW just get my withering pity rather than anger. If he leaves for them then yay, they scored a cheating pig who will do it to them too, because he is the goddamn problem. What a total fucking dud prize. Imagine having a relationship that stands no chance of ever having trust. Nice one eh.

lubey brilliant words about cheaters. I will remember this whenever I start to get the tiniest bit sad about my dirty, heating ex and his stinky, pathetic ow! They truly deserve each other and get I've bagged myself a model that can do DIY so he did me a mahooooosive favour!!

I really should be packing for centreparcs now....

Ike - sorry I missed everything last night. I think your friend is being tactless to say the least. I really can't understand why people cheat - why not just finish things? - but again I'm one of those who is a bit biassed having been on the end of this at the hands of my ex. Horrible feeling. Neither can I understand why anyone would knowingly take up with someone who's already in a relationship. I've been horribly shocked, in something of a pearl-clutchy manner, to find out over the last six months or so that out of my good female friends one has been having an affair with her husband's best friend, one had a four year affair whilst she was married (now divorced), another one started seeing a man while she was married, is now divorced, but is having multiple ONS whilst she's still with the other man, and another friend has had a few ONS during her twenty year relationship. I feel awful about all this. Most of them know the position I've been in but three of them have been looking for a lot of support from me to deal with their affairs and the aftermath which I find really difficult. One of these friends is very, very dear to me, she has helped me enormously and I love her as a person so I am torn between giving her a listening ear and pulling a cat's bum face and having nothing to do with it/her. Sorry, that was a long blather but really I just wanted to say I understand how you feel.

Well, last night with LM . . . I think he is really worried I'm going to leave him. He has said he knows he has cocked things up and isn't sure if I want to carry on seeing him. I said it is his last chance. His friend is due to come back next month some time and I have told him I want to meet her so we will see . . . It is very very clear from how he talks about her that he has no feelings for her that way. I actually feel quite sorry for her, she's been through a lot and isn't having a good time at the moment either.

LM is very tired, very stressed. But he does make me laugh so much. Both houses were full of mothers and children last night so no bed. Bit hmmm because when he drove me home, we talked about when we were going to meet up this week, he was saying that he didn't know that I would want to. Then he didn't go to give me a kiss or anything. I said well I will give you a kiss then, gave him a quick kiss. Don't know what to make of that, really. It was all fine up until then, a good night, lots of talking and laughing. Not sure if he thought he should leave me alone if I was pissed off with him? Or if he's changing his mind about me?

OWW god he's a brain drain at the moment!

Did you ask him why he behaved so shite and what he's gonna do to make it up to you?

You say you think he's worried you'll leave him, so I'm sure he's not changing his mind.

He just sounds really depressed maybe and resigned to you leaving him, rather than trying to do anything to stop you.

Frustrating and Shitey McShite.

can you have a good text or email convo? Just it might be easier to make sure you don't miss any points that need addressing with him then - because it seems more confusing than ever and he has done NOTHING to apologise or make things right.

OWW - have to say I agree with lubey. It's all very him, him, him and nothing about you or us. Even when I have been in the depths of a severe depression I could still give a stuff about people around me and apologise when I needed to.

I think you've scared him oww. he doesn?t know quite what to do for the best, does he - and all the other stuff that he has going on is kind of creating a swarm of bees in his head and you're someone else to consider and that's difficult. maybe it's decision time - if you're going to be a long term 'thing', then the two of you are going to be a long term thing and that means acceptance that neither of you is going anywhere - and an attitude change. He needs to give you more of a priority and adopt a team approach.. but I think he's just drained by everything going on and can't work out that two people can sort things out more easily than one. I dont think he's 'changed his mind' I think he doesn't know what to do...

Yes, it was down to him getting stressed and all caught up with the bailiff stuff. I know it is crap but when he has something really stressful he just can't seem to cope with anything else, just gets really focussed on the shit stuff. I think he is quite depressed and generally stressed to be honest and that is why he doesn't cope very well with stuff going wrong.

I also think that he thinks that saying that I am right and that he knows he has cocked things up is basically admitting that he is wrong, so the same as saying sorry.

I don't know about the whole making it up to me thing. I don't think there is any making up to do apart from behaving properly. I know people who think they can behave how they want, then do a grand "making up" gesture, everything is alright, then off they go again with the slate wiped clean. I've never been into that, really, would rather just people behave properly. He is trying, I think, and he knows very well how I feel, so we will just have to see if it happens again. If it does then that's it.

Feeling a bit meh though today, but not awful, not panicking so I am so very pleased with myself. I am confused by his behaviour at the end of the evening but the rest of it was good.

I just want things to go well for a while now. I'm so fed up with all the crap that seems to have been happening in our lives whilst we've been seeing each other. I know no-one's immune to crap happening but it feels like we have had way more than our fair share. It's not fair waaaah waaaah waaaah. It doesn't feel like we have had a proper chance just to enjoy things and being with each other as there's always been something difficult happening. Shop is opening on Saturday!!!!! so after that I really hope that we will have some plain sailing and a chance just to enjoy ourselves.

Bant - thanks for mentioning OKC. I did a profile last night (OMG all those questions)! And am now talking to a rather cute teacher!!!

OWW, I really hope things get better for you.

I think you're right, Snape and he just can't think properly at the moment. That's why I'm going to wait and see how things go once we are straightened out with everything. It's really not long to go and I think it will become clear to me quite soon how things are going with him once we're out from under most of the crap. To be fair, I have had my own share of problems and stress, it's not just him.

He is hard work at the moment but I think he's worth it in the long run, and if not it's only a few more weeks out of my life. I think I'd always be thinking "What if . . ." if I chucked it in with him now.

Sorry off topic My overdraft is clear. For now

Wey hey 48 that's cracking stuff. Bet that feels like a real weight taken off your shoulders.

OWW... I don't mean any grand gestures or anything like that. Just at least to look you in the eye and sincerely say he's sorry. You sound at the moment like you have begun to make a lot of excuses for him having not done so til now... what he did wasn't acceptable no matter what depression or stress he has so just don't lose sight of that.

I know you told him it's his last chance though so hopefully that will do the trick enough anyway.

I do hope his thoughtlessness is just down to exceptional circumstances and that he's not like this all the time in future...

I would definitely have a big talk too, I'd really want to ask a lot of questions and get inside his head rather than guesswork.

48 :o

Quiet on here today, are you all off having a life while I sit here MN-ing..?

In a somewhat self-satisfied update, we've been chatting and playing scrabble today, nameless and I. He linked me to calvin and Hobbes wallpaper, I sent him a link to the baby with HIV being cured... I might suggest he comes to the zoo with us on my cheapy-free club card tickets once the DCs are back from Fife, after he's stayed at mine a couple of days while they were away...if we can still tolerate each other at that point... We can crawl around and look at the penguins, while the DCs do their mad satellite dashing.

I still like him. It's been a month.

This is unusual.