Dating thread 44

[lubeybooby]

Here we go - all dating chat here!

(hugs) to Ike

Thanks lovely.There's not much more to be said really...saddening stuff.

Sending a hug too Ike. It's crap isn't it.

I hope my husband and his mistress have many years of misery together.

If it's any help at all ike I think you're absolutely right. All that bollocks about 'not being able to help who you fall in love with' [vomit] none of my friends, to my knowledge have become emersed in affairs with the married/LTRers. They may well have been, but thy know better than to tell me they are as I'd go through them.

Voice - you're probably right. He definitely wasn't in the right place to date. I think I stuck by him because his good qualities kept shining through (I could write for Mills and Boon ) but then he'd devastate me with some utter shit selfishness and I went through some very dark times.

I was newly separated with a very young dd and I think we both weren't ready to date really. He often says 'I was a total c^^t how did you put up with me, I'm so sorry' etc but it was 6 years ago now so it's (mainly!) forgotten.

Actually though, I could have stuck by him and him then turn out to just be your normal run of the mill wankbadger as opposed to a temporary grief stricken wankbadger, so yes, I was lucky

Sweet trolley: he was enjoying the chatting up on OD of a night when we couldn't see each other (I had dd). He saw it as harmless flirting and I think it was a massive ego-boost for him that he perhaps got addicted to? He got so far as arranged dates but cancelled them day before. It was like he had to prove he could 'pull' sad I know.

I think you're friend is particularly insensitive, Ike.

I had a friend who actively encouraged met to pursue a relationship with a married friend who was clearly flirting with me, knowing how against cheating I am (and always have been) and that ex went off with OW. I don't see that friend very often now.

Ike - that's shit I feel the same as you if its any consolation - people who cheat and the people they cheat with are not welcome in my life.

date tomorrow. im nervous. worried he won't turn up

Big hug, Ike, me old iron-knickered mucker

I dont know why two of my closest friends have been involved in
affairs in recent years...at times it just feels like it is just one more peculiar little knife twisting in myside...so I cannot even have the full support of those closest to me.

Castro - don't be nervous until you've met him and like him. Before then, it's coffee with a potential friend, or by yourself (worst case)

And if he doesn't turn up for any reason, it's not because of you, it's because he's married or something. It can't be because of you if he hasn't actually met you.

But generally people turn up and you're disappointed. The difference between OD and meeting people in a bar or a party is that when you look through all the people in the bar, you dismiss maybe 90% of them on looks or some other reason (laugh, dress sense, wedding ring, whatever). OD allows you to find out they'd actually be interesting, charming, funny. It's only when you meet you find out whether they're one of the 90% you'd ignore or 10% you'd fancy.

thanks bant. will be a vodka and coke or 3 on my own if he doesn't show.
its not from od Ive never done that yet. haven't had a proper date for 2years so that might explain the nerves

I actually had to go and google to see whether Castro was dead, by the way

Just to say ....I have 2 fab californian mates who are exceedingly witty...might have taken on a British style though...

Oh I know lots of Americans, some witty and interesting, some less so. I just wondered if anyone had dated them much.

I don't know if there are such things as 'rules' about dating, but there is etiquette, at least (whether followed or not) - things like men should offer to pay for the first date, generally a man chooses the location of the first date, a man does the follow up call. All of this, of course, can be ignored but generally it's what happens.

I've slept with a few americans, but never really 'dated' them.

I'll have to go watch S&TC or something. She's from New Jersey. I'll assume that's gospel

Oh Bant stop fretting about bloody etiquette....

What can I say? I'm generally chivalrous, a gentleman, polite, funny, charming and not too much of a dick. Etiquette comes with the package.

i dont really adhere to that stuff.....possibly we move in different social circles...

possibly :) Nice to meet on here though

i don't think he is dead? its from a song i like.. its metaphorical
so 2nd worst case scenario i get a vodka and coke or 3 paid for by him. he's eastern European don't know if the rules will be the same?

Bant, From what I've heard Americans date a lot, it's not big deal to them. That's all I know.

Ike, difficult. I would say to any woman who is seeing a married/partnered guy to get some self esteem and find her own man. I know it's not that simple and if they protest that it is written in the stars then she should let him come to her when he is legitimately single again. I would say that you don't want to hear about it as you know how it feels. I think that is enough to get someone thinking, because they will deep down.

Oh my, I've just realised I've only slept with one American but we got drunk at a party and we're still friends 30 years later. Dated quite a few more recently and as far as I know they expect to pay, its dinner, they ask me where then say 'we must do this again' but don't mean it

Yeah Scrazy ....thing is folk just tell you this stuff and I am at a loss as to what to say....unless you make a stand in the first instance. People take it as carte blanche that you empathise in some way. I dunno I feel really shaken by it all and cried putting the kids to bed. Sometimes it all feels still so unbearably painful.

That's after dinner of course...

Ike, it will get easier with time. I've been there a long time ago and I was the same. Nowadays it wouldn't affect me as much but I would dish out the advice in my last post.