Dating thread 44

[lubeybooby]

Here we go - all dating chat here!

Oh dear Voice my life seems to be one where there's always a certain amount of shit going on ... If i waited for it all to stop, I'd be on my own for the foreseeable. I think maybe that when you're having a bad time, it's also when you most want someone to be "on your team" so posdibly the Shit Factor even encourages people to get out there and start dating.

OWW - I don't mean that to sound nasty, and obviously different people handle things in different ways, but there is the potential to treat someone really badly which, under normal circumstances, you wouldn't do. Someone who didn't deserve it. And potentially ruin something that could be great. Most of us have some shit or baggage going on, of course, and I do think it depends just how much and how serious it is, but we often hear people say "you need to be in the right place" for dating (OD or otherwise) and I think that's one of the few well-worn cliches that is probably accurate.

I think when I made the original analogy it was a sweet trolley, not a sweet shop, but it works exactly the same - you've got a good thing in front of you but the trolley comes past and the other things look just a bit more creamy, a bit more lemony, a bit less/more rich and you can't help but push your current plate away and see if you'd prefer something else.

That's why you should stop winking/mailing people once you've had a good first date - you can always go back to them later.

Since stopping my Match account, 3 weeks ago, I've had 240 views, 18 winks, 12 'favourites' and 8 emails.

But, apparently I have a date with an American med student next weekend. She seems okay - not blazingly funny in the emails, but then so much of that is fake anyway. If nothing else, my first first date in my new country. Let's see how we go.

Anyone else dated Americans enough to say how things are different from the British 'lets get pissed and see if we fancy each other?' approach.

Also chatting to a Romanian, a Yugoslavian (old enough to still call it that) and I just got FB-friended by a really-cute-but-obviously-mad girl who I met at a do the other night.

No Brits though. Not sure if there are any.

These are from OKC, incidentally, which I'd set up but never actually used. It is very strange, I can't help reading the answers people have put to their questions.

I will find it very strange meeting someone in person for the first time, and already knowing how they like to keep their pubic hair trimmed.

Just.. odd..

< thinks about just how happy I am that I know nothing at all about the pubic hair topiary of any of the men I've spoken to via OD >

Sorry.

You can't buy that kind of class

I just played 'gonads' at scrabble with nameless.

When I half-awake mumbled that he didn't snore but made a humming noise like a TARDIS while he slept, he asked if that meant if he was bigger on the inside. I replied 'oh, isn't everyone?' I now have Doctor Who to thank for my sex life best lines. This is ridiculous.

Ha Bant that is precisely why I haven't answered any public hair stylee questions, it's like meeting someone in a cafe with a pair of xray specs.

I have dated a few Americans and now restrict it to New Yorkers who have a a lot of wit. I find Americans in general very different (sweeping generalisation alert) the sense of humour seems to be missing, priorities seem to be materialistic and formulaic along the lines of race and religion, I have been told in the past I'm a Communist and almost all men are circumcised so depending on your 'style', you could be a novelty.

Actually, that could work as a chat up line? Hey girl, want to see a hoodie?

Kin yes you can. Handy

Juliette - yeah this one describes herself as right-of-centre politically. Seeing as the US is a whole jump to the right of the UK generally, so even their left-fringe Democrats would only be middle-of-the-road here, I think she'd basically be BNP if here.

Which is not really my type.

Still, American women to tend to love my pseudo-RP accent and tendency to say 'buggeration' when annoyed. All I need to do is say I'm descended from royalty and I'm in.

Which is theoretically true. Just not English royalty.

Actually this is really kind of fun looking through OKC profiles.

Q: 'What is the first thing people notice about you?'
A: 'My inner peace'

Seriously. What a tosser. Unless someone floats past me in a white glowing robe, a la Bill Bailey in Black Books, I'm probably going to notice their hair colour or clothes, or smile, or whatever, before I make a judgement on how at one with the universe they are.

click hide

Anyone else dated Americans enough to say how things are different from the British 'lets get pissed and see if we fancy each other?' approach.

Yep, I did......well, I was kind of press-ganged into it.

She walked up to me in a bar in Germany and said (in English) "Gee, for a German you speak really good English."
"That's because I'm Scottish", I replied.

That was in 1993. We've never looked back.

Juliette, that would just be the epitome of classy

Oh dear I have had a bit of a row with a close friend...about a guy she was sleeping with for a bit but not now, supposedly just friends at present(he is married with kids). After many months of just nodding and smiling I told her what I thought of him....she didnt like it

I explained I cannot sit on the fence about these things because of my experience with exH. However I am frankly sickened by the amount of people who cheat on their partners and those that are compliant in that. I wish I could shut up and let in go over my head...but I get to a point where I cannot. I would never want to live my life over again. Ever. Because of the pain caused by exH and the women who enabled him.

I feel I need to find a phrase to stop these conversations ....something along the lines of...'I cant talk about this ...sorry..for these reason'

Does changing the subject work with them, Ike ?

I dunno....but I fell out with another close friend who was doing exactly the same thing a year ago. I just feel I invite more upset ...by speaking my mind, it is exhausting emotionally and churns me up...I hate it.

I dont think some people are awar of just how painful it is to have a relationship fail due to this kind of devastating dishonesty. I just am not able to be impartial and yet people seem to think I should be.

Ike I suspect you hit a nerve there then. You are very self aware on here and probably held back more because you wanted to avoid projecting. She knows what happened to you and still brings it up, which at best shows no awareness whatsoever and at worst it's almost drama seeking. Now you've said your piece and she has the drama so she can just deal with it.

'Sorry, in all honestly you know what can happen so what do you expect me to say?

whiny - had to look that up

I think you probably either have to not engage or decide that you're going to change your reaction because nothing is worth you feeling so distressed - it depends how good you are at doing that. ( I try but it's a work in progress ).

And I agree with Juliette that your friend should have more sense/consideration/not be such a self-absorbed arse

Well she knows now...and I just hope it hasnt ruined a valued friendship. I am sad at the utter compliance of some women/men in helping others to cheat. As for those who are married with kids and cheat....well....it makes me want to retch and I am not joking.

Of course I understand all the reasons...dear god ...its lonely being a single parent and watching all the happy couples ...but why be knowingly complicit in someone elses potential misery? Cos they just dont fuckin care...that's why! And the bullshit reasons people come out with. ugh...

.I have heared them all over the last few years. One friend even tried to get me to babysit for her so she could go shag the OM. Knowing what I had been through...

Yeah have managed for the best part of a year...but am feeling particularly vulnerable about it at mo and couldnt stop myself....oh bugger. It does go to show just how selfish people are when conducting affairs....selfish and blinkered...total entitlement to do what one pleases....I caouldnt 'help' myself...my last friend used to say. Of course I put her right on that.