OWW - not sure if this is any help or not but my DH was an utter wanker when we first met through OD. Well, not when we first met, he kept it hidden for a few dates to reel me in obviously

He had a touch of Bant's famous 'sweet shop' mentality going on, drank too much, lied about some stuff and was basically a selfish twat.
However, his father/grandmother/grandfather had all died in the previous 4 months and a sibling had revealed a horrific secret about being abused as a child by a (much loved by DH) family member 
He is a different person now. If I'd done as I probably should have and dumped him then I'd have missed out on a lovely, lovely man. One who had totally lost his way through stress and grief and was trying to self destruct. We got through it and he/we had counselling and are now proud parents of 2 dds.
So.... in short, I can see where you're coming from 
Lubey - tell me more about wank-boy, I'm trying to visualise it.... 