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Original poster

open relationship

101 replies

pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 19:53

Hi just a thought so much drama we all seem to have about being faithful if we could keep are feeling about loving and spending are life with someone and the need to have sex with someone else apart how much less drama would we all have. let me know if anyone agrees.

OP posts:
BinarySolo · 25/02/2013 19:57

Nope. Don't agree. Really don't find it difficult to be faithful to my husband.

HerbyVore · 25/02/2013 19:58

Good luck with that, and everything.

Smile
CuttedUpPear · 25/02/2013 20:00

Good luck with the grammar lessons too.
Your post is almost unintelligible.

whattodoo · 25/02/2013 20:00

No, don't agree. Part of my love for DP is that we share a physical relationship with each other and no one else. It is too special to share.

Insecure24 · 25/02/2013 20:10

I barely understood your message tbh but in short, no, I don't agree, at all. Why be in a relationship if you're going to shag someone else?

izzyizin · 25/02/2013 20:17

If you rephrase your OP so that it makes sense, I may be able to decide whether to agree or disagee with you.

FarBetterNow · 25/02/2013 20:21

No, it's not 'just' sex though, is it?
It's being intimate, having fun, laughing and enjoying foreplay together, intercourse, and then lying in each others' arms in an afterglow.
Unless you are talking about a quicky with some one you met 10 mins ago and you'll never see them again.

ItsAFuckingVase · 25/02/2013 20:28

It all depends on how you view sex. To me it is just sex, I do it purely for enjoyment, and don't have an emotional bond to somebody because I have sex with them. I do sleep with people other than my husband, and to me it is just sex, nothing more.

I love my husband dearly, and married him because I love him.

SolidGoldBrass · 25/02/2013 20:30

Lots of people live without monogamy and do so happily. It might be hard work at times and sometimes feelings get hurt and things go wrong but that happens to monogamous people as well.

Original poster
pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 20:40

I think the need for sex is a very basic one. And difficult to expect anyone person to meet all your needs thats very diffterent to having a relationship

OP posts:
freddiemisagreatshag · 25/02/2013 20:45

Open relationship with the other's person's knowledge?

How would that work then, do explain.

BelaLugosisShed · 25/02/2013 20:56

If you need to go looking elsewhere for sex, you are not with the right person in the first place.
IAFV - please don't insult those of us who do love our partners and respect our marriage vows - fidelity is not optional in marriage.
If you really loved and respected your husband (or wife) you wouldn't disrespect them by fucking other people.

WafflyVersatile · 25/02/2013 20:58

That's the good thing about open relationships. So much easier and simpler. And there are never any problems or jealousy.

If open relationships work for some people then fine. No problem with that from my pov. But 'woooo, let's everybody just have open relationships' is not the answer to discord in human relationships.

Original poster
pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 20:59

Its not hard to explain you talk about your needs and the fact that sex is like any other thing you both enjoy and need but not always together. Its only because we all allow ourselves to get caught up in society expectation of what a relationship should be. that we trot along like sheep.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 21:03

I am not insulting anyone on here which is more than I can say for some other people I RAISING a topic for debate

OP posts:
freddiemisagreatshag · 25/02/2013 21:03

So how would it work pinkpaws? Could I have a Mr Monday, a Mr Tuesday, a Mr Wednesday and so on?

Could they all be hunky toyboys?

ItsAFuckingVase · 25/02/2013 21:05

Bela - how is what I do in my relationship disrespectful to anybody else or their relationships? Perhaps rather than spending your time being so bothered about the personal lives of strangers you should get yourself a hobby??

To me, sex and love do not go hand in hand. I have sex for enjoyment in much the same way as I ski for enjoyment. I don't hold any emotional attachment to sex at all. Note that I say to me - not that I think other people are wrong, just that is how it is for me. Not that I should have to justify myself, but I have a very strong relationship with my husband, and have have a great sex life. But sometimes we like something new.

FWIW, I also laugh and have fun with lots of people. I don't lag in anybody's arms after sex - can't think of anything I'd like to do less when we're all sweaty. I'm more likely to sleep.

I would never share anything that I personally attach intimacy to with somebody else.

Original poster
pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 21:05

Well if your fighting them of that you think you could have a man a day good luck to you .

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 25/02/2013 21:09

I know several couples who are in long term commited relationships who are open. The key element is that they respect each other massively. Each partner would not do anything or see anyone without the agreement of the other partner.

So it can work.

Original poster
pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 21:12

well said ItsAfuckingvase i think my topic has pushed a few buttons. GREAT

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 25/02/2013 21:13

I don't have a theoretical issue with open relationships. I mean, I wouldn't be wild about one myself but if it works for someone else, fair enough.

I have to say, in practice, the couples I've known who were in open relationships managed to be deeply unhappy and, frankly, abusive creeps. I wouldn't judge other people in open relationships based on them but I do think they show that it's not always a bunch of roses just because it sounds appealing.

Original poster
pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 21:15

I agree an open relationship is not cheating on your partner its about trust and respect . that includes their sexual choice.

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkpaws · 25/02/2013 21:18

I know more people who are not in open relationship and are as you say deeply unhappy. And are abusive creeps i dont judge either

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 25/02/2013 21:34

I don't not shag around because I am a trotting sheep, I enjoy being faithful, for me, there is something beautiful about having sex with that one person for the rest of my life. It just gets better and better and I have no desire to have sex with anyone else.

While I don't care what two consenting adults do I do think it is playing with fire. It won't take much to fall for someone if you have had sex with them and I wonder how it works for people long term. I would never risk my marriage and I do think sleeping with other people is risky. I have heard of too many couples who ended up falling in love with someone they were having sex with in a OR and while it happens in closed marriages the risks seems higher to me when you are out there having sex with others. But each to their own.

SolidGoldBrass · 25/02/2013 21:53

Plenty of people have happy, non-abusive open relationships. Plenty of people in monogamous relationships are unhappy and/or abused/abusive. It's not how many or how few people you have sex with that makes you a good person: you can be an arsehole whether or not monogamy matters to you.

Though it's worth considering that monogamy is a social construct set up by men to control women (which is why all the propaganda about how women are the ones who want monogamy exists - just like all the stuff about women are the ones who really want marriage when marriage benefits men far more than women.)