open relationship

[pinkpaws]

Hi just a thought so much drama we all seem to have about being faithful if we could keep are feeling about loving and spending are life with someone and the need to have sex with someone else apart how much less drama would we all have. let me know if anyone agrees.

But we don't know anything about the OP's sex life. We don't know the OP. We have no interest in the OP.

It's simply attention-seeking white noise. Look at me and my choices

It's like me walking into a waiting room and saying "I am happily in a monogamous relationship". I wouldn't expect anybody to give a shit, frankly.

So, the answer is...yes, dear. Do run along now.

I've always wondered how an open relationship would work if you agree to it in theory, then find the other person is the one getting all the action.

Also, "it's fine, honestly, I'm in an open relationship" is surely one of those lines guaranteed to result in 1) a face 2) a post on Mumsnet entitled "You would not believe what this creep who tried to chat me up the other night came out with."

Sex is never just sex because human beings have emotions. You cant control what other people do or feel and this is why open relationships are difficult because it is messy as it involves feelings.

Also if you find having one relationship difficult to retain the sexual attraction to your partner then how can you have a relationship with more people and make it work without someone getting hurt?

Sex is not free, it takes time and money away from the primary partner.

I really couldn't give a shit what consenting adults do. I barely give a shit about my own sex life, frankly.

I'm very sexually attracted to my husband thanks! Just every now and then I want something different. As much as I love him, I'll never have that electric spark from kissing somebody for the first time, or the excitement of new sex. And I want those things, as does he.

I've never formed a bond or developed feelings for somebody because we've had sex. I have emotional bonds with friends, and wouldn't sleep with them because of that. Seriously, just because some people attach emotion to sex, it doesn't mean everybody does. For me, sex is not an act of love, it is something I like to do because it feels great.

The thing is, monogamy doesn't work for a substantial number of people. It's not remotely 'natural', and even those who believe that it is the 'morally superior' option often struggle with it. Of course, there are some people with a pronounced fetish for it, just as there are some people who have no interest in sex at all and others who prefer to get their jollies from inanimate objects. Plenty of people have a romantic-love fetish ie for them, sex has to involve romantic love - and just like any other fetish, that's fine among consenting adults but it's not terribly ethical to insist on your fetish being indulged when your partner doesn't share it.

But, because having sex with the same person for the majority of your adult life does tend to get boring, there is a substantial and profitable industry dedicated to making it less so by selling you things: romantic dinners/holidays, new clothes and cosmetics, particular foods and flowers and the great juggernaut of couple-therapy and How To Love prison One Person books, as well as the patriarchal superstitions about one man's entitlement to own one woman...

So people pointing out that there is more to life than monogamy and other ways of arranging your life are not just attention-seeking and spoiling for a fight.

sgb...what is your assessment of this particular poster's motivation ?

< looks sgb very squarely right in the eyes >

AF: Don't know and TBH don't care. People can either participate in the discussion or not - I have no problem with people wanting to start a discussion about a subject that interests them.

Ah, you think the op simply wanted to "start a discussion" ?

krimbles, were you aware it is against guidelines to follow an individual poster around the boards and attempt to goad them into an argument ?

Open relationships are certainly not for me.

I've known 3 or 4 couples who have had open relationships though and 1 are still together (roughly 23yrs I think).

It works for them but I'd guess the failure rate is very high as many of us do equate sex with emotion.

AF, I'm not following anyone - don't flatter yourself. I just see you posting negatively so often and rubbishing what others have to say.

Were you aware troll hunting is also against the guidelines? If you don't like it, ignore.

I just see you posting negatively so often and rubbishing what others have to say.

If you don't like it, ignore.

Gosh, take your own advice, eh

Could you explain why calling someone a "man" is considered an insult by you , krimbo ?

Not that I've ever used "you are a man" in such a way. Which is a bit odd of you to have apparently "noticed"

I'm sure posters can see the massive hypocrisy in accusing monogamists of bigotry and ignorance, while stating as fact that their lifestyle is boring and akin to imprisoning a partner. And railing against the existence of the romance industry, while supporting and profiting from the sex industry.

Like I said earlier, bigotry and prejudice transcend people's sexual choices, but most happy people really couldn't care less what choices people make.

Im not really sociable enough for an open relationship. I don't have any moral objection to it and know a few people that are poly or swingers and it works for them

Oh look, how sweet!

AF has made another friend, ahh bless, and my dear AF, I'm mortified that you've spotted my 'crush' on SGB. :)

So in AF world, agreeing with someone more than once means you have a crush on them does it?

Back to the topic of discussion, I can add that we managed it with great discretion; one doesn't flaunt ones dalliances in ones DP face, one shows respect, behaves discreetly and doesn't cause offence. Each knows what the other is doing, through quiet, polite, discreet hints, such as, 'Oh, I might be late home on Saturday, catching up with some old friends....' instead of, 'don't wait up for me or bother shaving love, I'm out fucking someone else'.

I made and lost my new fwend in the space of a few minutes, nsw

Very sad. He/she got zapped. Now none of us can fondly re-read those pearls of friendly wisdom. < wistful sigh >

You are in good company actually, nsw. I also have a crush on sgb. I am to be found agreeing with her all over the shop, and being very vocal about it.

Can't sleep so have been browsing and arrived at this thread!

I am a massive fan of AF - her posts are always so succinct and helpful for all!!!

Think that I have "a crush" ... Gawd luv yer, AF! Long may you reign!

nsw, I'm struggling with your discretion post. If the sex with other people is just for fun and no big deal (for the relationship) why wouldn't you say 'I'm out fucking someone else' or something along those lines?

I'm not picking holes, just curious. I don't consider my monogamy to be a fetish, I've just never fancied anyone other than dh (except for characters in books).

Meh. It wouldn't work for us.

If other consenting adults want to do it and both partners truly agree (as in, one is not being pressured into it or doing it to "keep" the other) then whatever. It's up to them.

I have barely enough energy for my husband, let alone anyone else!

To be fair, polygamy doesn't offend me, I just find it difficult to see a positive outcome in the long term.