Here we go again. Dating thread 42

[VoiceofUnreason]

Evening all. As you were.

webcam pervert continued to text asking me for an explanation.
So I told him politely why I cut him off, he tried to make out it was an accident
'I am confused do you mean that you saw something?
I apologise, I'd just come out of the shower and was wearing a dressing gown'

bwahahahaha

fu(king sad pervert

Blimey £12 is a bit steep! FFS what a wanker!! merc

ike Indeed. Tiny theatre, just a piano accompaniment and very little money spent on the show. At my place, the top notch amateurs will charge £14 and we're a proper, albeit small theatre with good kit, and there'd be an orchestra of between 10 and 18 players.

Merc you should have said you saw something, but it was so tiny, you logged off rather than let him see you burst out laughing

I can never think of that kind of thing on the spur of the moment Voice, creepy creepy weirdo

msC I think I would stop all contact. He's not available for whatever reason and could end up being an emotional sap.

Sorry, that sounded harsh and it's up to you msc of course. I have a number of 'going nowhere' numbers in my phone. Latest one is man from pof who is slightly negative all the time so i just don't bother. I find it easier that way.

Scatty, have you reminded the fireman about what he said about not falling for him? It sounds as if you know him well enough, now. I think I'd be tempted to say something, next time he says he's worried you're going to dump him.

MsC, I'm afraid I agree with Scatty. He isn't ready yet, and if he sees you as a friend, it could be hard for him to see you any other way in the future.

I have friends who live in a small village which has an AmDram group that puts on a show. It's always hilariously amateurish, with no or little sets, but that's the charm of it. They don't try to be anything else (and it was only a fiver).

MsC he has told you very clearly there that nothing is going to happen for a long time, if ever. Time to move on.

flipper yes, I did when he was saying he had become v fond of me. He then said he was only joking about the love comment. Too late mister! I was naked when he said that comment and that makes it worse. He did text last night in the end, something about sex.

I seem to have got over the needy me. Phew!
Have been replying to Mr R&R texts in my usual light hearted manner.
It has done me good having a break, took some pressure off.
I will probably wait until next weekend before I see him again. It has all been very full on, I was running on empty.

He feels much happier about his parents since spending the weekend with them. I think he was feeling guilty as he has not seen much of them since we got together.

So all good. I think

MsC you could ask him directly to meet up and then have a proper talk about things. At least you'd know for sure then - it sounds at the moment like he's just giving you enough crumbs off his table to keep you dangling. Horrible feeling.

Scatty another one with mixed messages. I find this sort of thing very hard to deal with. What do you want to happen in an ideal world?

MsC, it's really hard when you meet someone you like a lot and feel there's some real potential with, we meet so many men via OD who are just 'meh' that when one comes along who we feel a spark/connection with, you want something to come of it.

I do wonder about him though, do you think he's being honest about having nothing more than a snog for 4 years? I'm not sure if I would believe that, (most) men, especially ones who are on sites all the time, wouldn't have been celibate that long. And if he's not being honest about that, is he lying/playing games about other stuff too?

If he is being honest though (and he may well be of course), the issue still is that he is messing you around a bit, whether deliberately or not. If he's not ready after 4 years, when will he be? It could be a week, a year, another 4 years?...it's really not fair of him to keep you dangling that long. I think I would say to him that you don't want to just be his friend, and unless he is ready to date, there's no point in continuing contact. Now this might galvanise him into action, he might then suggest another date...but then lapse back into the same pattern. Or he might contact you again, but with no promise of a date. Or, he might actually properly get his act together. Worth a try, but I don't think after that I'd give him any more chances tbh.

Hi all, can I pull up a seat here and join please?
Have returned to the 'fun' of OD recently. Have found out a clever way to stop being pestered btw as have my profile hidden to all but the guys I 'favourite'. Works quite well really. Anyhooo went on a first date last week....went well but waiting for the 'issues' to present themselves.....think I'm officially getting dating jaded!!

Have you got date #2 lined up, Catcher?

Meant to add, thank you Scrazy and Scatty for the advice re Cuthbert, I think when I next see him I will ask about the thing next month I want him to come to. If he says no, he says no. If he says no, because you're just someone I am (occasionally) dating and no more, then I'll know where I stand.

It's the whole past experiences business again. A long time ago, in my first ever serious relationship, I asked him to come to a big event (my cousin's wedding). He said he didn't think it was appropriate. whatever that meant. He wouldn't even consider just coming to the evening. I had to take a friend.

Hence my reluctance since to ever ask anyone to anything again...!

Velvet - I haven't even had a snog since September 2010. Went 18 months on dating sites with no snogs. So it's perfectly possible. I think the younger the are the less likely it becomes, though.

oww in the ideal world I'd like him not to pursue other lines actively and plan 3 weeks ahead. I'd also like to feel at ease picking up the phone and calling him about nothing as he does.

flipper and lubey hope you are both ok

I know, Velvet - I have lots of problems with asking people to do things with me, not just men. Fear of rejection, goes back to bullying when I was a teenager. Same with being ignored. And add issues from my ex along the same lines ... It's so hard. But I did ask LM to the Lego thing - we're supposed to be going tomorrow but haven't made firm arrangements. He has his phone switched off which is very unusual, so I am getting very twitchy about it.

I think C would be delighted to go with you, fwiw, unless he's not very good at big events. Not sure what the event is, but having to socialise with a lot of new people can be a bit daunting, and if he says no that will be the reason rather than anything to do with you.

western we have lined up second date. Trying not to get excited as early days and am just enjoying the male company really. Early days, feel like there's always some issues that come out, especially at my age!! I do like him in every way....except his tummy is really big I'm no kate moss, but I'm still figuring out whether its going to be an issue....! Damn it.
Have read a few posts back on here and for what it's worth I've recently come out of a OD relationship with a guy that was utterly lovely but couldn't commit and wanted to keep things casual. After 18months it became a deal breaker. I finished it around Xmas. Shame really as there was potential but came to the point I was thinking....actually this isn't what I want....he's lovely but sod it. I am not being true to myself about what I want.

redflag - I'd not get too hung up on a big tummy if you like him in every other way. You/he can change a big tummy. Personality and other things you can't.

Scatty if he calls you just to chat, what's the barrier to you feeling comfortable doing the same? The other stuff, just tell/ask him. Oh that sounds so easy!

Catcher don't sweat the stomach. That sounds so wrong, but you know what I mean.

voice thanks, yes, I know, I really like him, we've been emailing, chatting for a while before meeting. We 'clicked' on meeting. I don't want to be hung up on 'tummy' issues and I realise how bloody superficial I sound, but I really thought 'ohh gosh' when I saw it!! Im not being petty, his tummy holds a good couple of stone in its own right. Anyway the it may come to nothing anyway but I have a feeling we're pretty well matched so far. I'm not one to expect someone to change, i usually assume they wont.....

Western, it's hard isn't it? The Evil Ex did a bit of a number on me also in terms of the whole 'you'll never make anyone else happy/you're incapable of a normal relationship' etc so I kind of have that inner voice too!

I'm sure the Lego thing will be fine. Honestly. Don't worry about the phone thing, could be battery died/is charging, turned it off overnight and forgot to switch back on...many v reasonable explanations. I know what it's like though that your mind automatically assumes the negative ones.

The thing I want to ask C to is a friend's baby's Christening...now I'm thinking about it and maybe it's too much? I'm not sure. It's not a massive do or anything, service followed by drinks and sandwiches in the local pub, couple of hours tops...now I've written it down I'm thinking it's too much to ask though

western that's the 'sticking' point....!!! If I like him and it continues at some point that tummy gotta come out..!!!