Here we go again. Dating thread 42

[VoiceofUnreason]

Evening all. As you were.

This is going to make me sound awful but I am being honest. He is good looking. He is very different to me I think. I'm square and prim, he has got a wild side or he did when he was younger. Seems to be into same things as me now but was defo a party animal in his younger days and I'm not sure if it goes away. He is bit rough round the edges. Not sure if our social circles would be the same. He dresses nice but not as classic as I would like and he is very flash. Has a tacky personalised plate and spoke about money and power a lot not in a showing off way more like he was setting his stall out. I didn't discuss money at all. Find it a bit crass. Putting that aside I think he is insecure and really needs to be looked after and told that he is doing okay. Not bigging myself up here but I am a nice person, look after myself, have got a good job, lovely home in a brilliant area, I do okay for money, I dont think I have any major psychological issues, my friends tell me I am a good prospect (eeeek major self confidence issues though!!) - think he felt like he needed to prove to me that he was good enough. I never made him feel small or unworthy, it is his issue. He has got a good heart but I'm not sure if he is for me long term. Putting all that aside he is good fun, a little bit daft and made me laugh. I defo want another date with him.

Oh Noir I don't think things with LM are plodding. We have a great time generally, get out and do stuff, have fun. I don't want to change any of that, I do want to keep on doing what we're doing, which is basically having a great time and great sex, I just want that bit more. Which sounds pretty greedy as what we have now isn't bad at all. If I didn't have feelings for him I could carry on like this indefinitely.

I just want us to be able to talk about our feelings and emotions for each other. I want him to love me and for me to be able to tell him I love him. I do really love him, that's the problem and why I'm worried about bringing things out into the open in case he doesn't actually love me. It seems a very high risk thing to do.

Do you think I should text him and say I need to talk to him? I nearly did earlier but I didn't send it.

Ive got the picture pom...goodness OWW that is a tough one and I understand what you mean. TR I cared about but didnt love and therefore I was perfectly happy to keep it on as a distraction /out and about thing. Love...that is a whole new ball game I just dont know what to advise really.

Well I have come out and said it on here so that's a start!

No don't do that. Some men are able to talk about their feelings and others aren't. Do you think discussions about feelings are off limit to him? Or maybe he needs to be taught how to discuss feelings. Maybe next time the mood is right tell him that you love him and make it the right time/place/atmosphere so that he feels comfortable to say it back. Sounds like some barriers need to be broken down.

We are not in young fresh relationships anymore. We have got history, learnt behaviours and responses and been damaged. Think that if you have been in a bad place we subconsciously stop ourselves from getting in that bad place again.

Think you should avoid the "we need to talk" texts. Will get the wind into him and unnerve him. You need to make him feel secure.

Do you think the feelings issue is more yours than his? I know it's difficult but we can sometimes project out own issues on to men. God knows I am the worlds worst.

I may be completely missing the point here I am in hangover hell at the mo. just my reading into it

oww my don't do that was referring to texting him about needing to chat not saying i love you

No he's as bad as I am about talking about this stuff. We are both crap.

He's said it already, in fact he said it first, but it has not been said for a while. I stopped saying it as it seemed like he only said it if I said it first. Convoluted and stupid I know. So maybe he thinks I don't mean it now. I dunno. It has all got silly.

I'm really feeling like I need to say something to him now.

Choochoo, he lives about a mile from me. I know the house - it is in a very distinctive location - and after our first or second date being nosey I checked and he is on the electoral roll there (with his parents) etc. I did meet him OD, but he is not a seasoned ODer, in fact he hasnt really dated, just gone from one LTR to the next. Communication has always been the same from the outset. I think before we met the first time we swapped a handful of emails, perhaps 4 or 5 tops. He's never text me much either. I think calling it soulless is a bit harsh. I do like how he behaves towards me when we are together (last night aside) and generally that's more important to me than whether or not he bombards me with texts.

I've been on dates with men who sent 60, 70 or more texts a day. That didn't show they cared, it was all down to their narcissistic desire for constant attention. Something about this feels more honest to me. I just want to know if we're on the same page in terms of intentions etc.

Western, I think you need to speak to him about it, but not to announce that you are, iyswim...you need to find a time when you are both relaxed and comfortable and say how you feel then.

Not that I am probably in any position to give advice of course!

Hi y'all

This evening I'm going to read through this thread properly because I've got so far behind. Ooops.

waves to grinchie

oww, I agree with velvet. Coming from someone who has been in relationship with someone who doesn't like talking about feelings, or the announcement of such discussion, I think it is better to just speak to him about it when you are relaxed together, it will flow easier.

Naked chest cuddles were mentioned on another thread. That is what has set me off, I miss all that, and being pulled gently by a strong arm around my waist into a sleepy cuddle in the middle of the night.

juliette I would love a naked chest cuddle. Ah man I miss that!!

Or Jules having a large tree trunk leg pinning you to the mattress...lets get real here! Insistance upon having the window open even in Winter...complains about pj wearing cos of said window....stop with this rose tintedness!!!!!

No wonder I am single...heaven for me would be separate rooms and bathrooms. Visitation by invite only...

Ike, are you sure it is a leg or could it be another part of his anatomy?

WFF runs away whilst lowering the tone....

Basically..live in friends with occasional benefits....I reckon Merc and I should get together we are both practically minded...I get the feeling our sex drives might be mismatched though

Velvet - sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. I'm glad you know where he lives and sorry for being so suspicious!

I don't mean the relationship is soulless when you see him, and maybe that was the wrong word to use, just it sounds like you go for long periods without knowing whether or not he is thinking about you and he's not making you feel wanted. I don't mean being bombarded with texts either, that sounds awful. But a message here or there to carry on the conversation so that you're not starting from scratch every time you see him. And if you wanted to talk to him you could pick up the phone or text and know you'd get a response.

What I was trying to say in my very clumsy way is that it wouldn't take much for him to let you know he was thinking about you, especially if he knows that's important to you. And it's the least that you deserve.

Of course TR would like to think he has a tree trunk member...and yes it was girthful

Ike nope. I have a tendency to wander all over the bed so this particular man would just pull me back into him across a very large bed and spoon me. I love tree trunk thighs too. Bliss.

Choochoo, I get what you're saying. But in fairness I've never told him that I want him to text more - and I never text him conversationally either, so it's not like I've asked and he's not bothering, or that I'm sending him a chatty text with lots of stuff and he's replying with 'I'll see you in the pub on Friday'.

The texting thing to me is less of an issue than the other stuff, and even if he was texting me all the time, I know I'd still be wondering if he thought of me as potential gf etc, because that's the way my mind works.

Oh god Jule I'd have to bat him off...too hot for a woman of ahem une certain age....Oh I cant inflict myself on any poor males really...

Girth....my favourite word I think....

As I say WFF TR is single and ever ready....

...he would like nothing better than to drape himself over a female all night (was about to write inflict) sooooooo not me....I guess you can see why it had to end..