Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Here we go again. Dating thread 42

999 replies

VoiceofUnreason · 16/02/2013 16:42

Evening all. As you were.

OP posts:
Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:37

Velver, past experiences are hard to forget. We have to try to learn from them but it's not easy.

OhWesternWind · 16/02/2013 22:38

When you're not bothered about the answer to that sort of question, it's easy to ask. It's when you care that it's difficult and scary in case the answer isn't the one you want to hear.

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:40

Fear and wanting to be the cool girl has a lot to answer for. If you are enjoying someone's company then the preservation instinct kicks in to not rock the boat.

We are told men love the chase which keeps us dangling waiting for them to make up there bloody minds. Or you get the type who love bomb and are moving in on your life too quickly. It's a minefield.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 22:42

scrazy that's right. It's a omission of responsibility right at the beginning. Fireman asked why I never phoned him. Errrm well you told me not to develop feelings for you, so why would I phone?? He also said he feels needy as he thinks I'm going to dump him...well then don't tell me what to think or feel!

A charmer called fannysniffer has just tried to persuade me that his mate chose his username. If you can't choose your own username you are not the man for me!

VelvetSpoon · 16/02/2013 22:44

I found it hard enough asking C last tine if I'd be seeing him again...can't imagine asking him where it's going or anything like that!

Western, you're right. Its easy to ask a question if you don't mind what the answer is. But if you do mind and think you might not like it, then it can seem impossible!

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:46

Chatting to a big guy on POF tonight, don't know why Grin

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:48

Yep, Scatty I never instigated contact either.

That username is vile! What a dick.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 22:50

velvet have you given a timeframe in your head to wait for things to speed up?
I'm applying for new jobs so in my head fireman and I have about a 3 month shelf life. If the pink flag wasn't waving then it might be more.

mercury7 · 16/02/2013 22:50

' Its easy to ask a question if you don't mind what the answer is. But if you do mind and think you might not like it, then it can seem impossible!'
I hear you, and I have no idea how to deal with it either!

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:57

I know how I will deal with it next time, if there ever is one, I will ask. Are you seeing other people and are you giving this a chance or pissing around?

VelvetSpoon · 16/02/2013 23:00

Scatty tbh I wouldn't mind so much the lack of contact if I felt more as thought it was leading somewhere...I think I really want to know that in the next few weeks. I'm going to something at the end of next month that I'd like him to come to with me. If of course we're still seeing each other then. And assuming I can actually face asking him...the fear being he would say 'of course not velvet, why would I want to go with you, we're not a couple' or words to that effect!

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 23:02

I think I'll just ask 'are you seeing other people?' It's a factual question. I think the yes or no answer will gauge the situation. I deal with facts very well, less so with emotions.

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 23:05

Velvet, you need to ask him next time you see him. Fingers crossed for you.

Well I have been well and truly worn down and told my neighbour he can pop in for a drink. I have zero interest in this guy but he's harmless and I'm really lonely. I've always told him no, I know him so it's not a problem.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 23:05

velvet if he says that then at least you know. I have a friend who was an fwb a few years ago. I didn't love him but I really fancied him. He was totally up front- I'd like to sleep with you scatty but i will not be having a relationship other than bowling and the odd trip to the theatre. So I did and we are firm friends today.
Id rather know because then I can measure my hope and expectations.

JulietteMontague · 16/02/2013 23:32
MsCellophane · 16/02/2013 23:53

This is going to be long

MrCm - first messaged me on my IE profile, we spoke for almost a year on and off. He always initiated contact. His mum had heart attack early Jan, this seemed to spur him into action and we had a coffee. He said he needed a friend and felt very lonely. Coffee was lovely. He is attractive and nice to talk to. At the end of the coffee, he said I thought I was lovely, he was attracted to me and will meet up again soon.

Three days later, I had a gremlin in my house, he popped over and we had a coffee and snogging

The following week, he continued to text but each one got shorter. At the end of the week, I asked him if he was pulling back and he said he wasn't sure if he was ready for anything. His marriage ended four years ago and he hasn't had female interaction bar a few snogs in that time. I believe him, I think. So I deleted his number and told him if he felt ready to contact me. I also told him if he wasn't up for casual, I would be up for dating as I really liked him

Five days later I wake up to a text. We chit chat for a few days. Then he has his kids for the week so I didn't contact him in that time as I didn't want to intrude. We had a brief convo on POF on tues and his tone had something weird about it again. I wished him a happy valentines and heard nothing.

So, thurs evening - feeling glum about being single on VD again - I text him a bit of a rant. I said manners cost nothing and is one of the things I value above all else, honesty being the other one. I asked him why he bothered contacting me after I deleted him, if he was going to ignore me and that I was deleting his number again as I was confused by him

Text came back immediately, he was sorry, kids leaving upset him and I was right, he was rude. I said I was sorry that he was upset and I understand how hard it is being NRP. He came back with thank you for caring, not many people do. In 5 texts, he said thank you 5 times, so the manners chat seemed to work

Next morning - him: good morning, how's u followed by few texts of chat, this morning same thing. He's out tonight so I said have a good one - nothing since

Now, do I continue bothering? He hasn't offered another date but also doesn't seem willing to stop the contact and each time I have told him it's not worth it, he has come back and changed some of the things I have said have annoyed me

My problem is I really, really like him. I would love to get to know him properly as we have lots in common, I felt we clicked and I fancy the arse off him. I am totally confused. Would you persevere and wait until he was ready to meet? I feel like I should but am also tearing hair out and think it would be easier to just delete and forget

Sorry, very long

MsCellophane · 17/02/2013 00:08

Forgot one important thing in that essay

When I said I would be open to dating - he said in reply, hopefully - in time

ike1 · 17/02/2013 00:48

MsC I suggest to you that unfortunately MrCM is emotionally unavailable, you could wait, getting more and more frustrated. The possibility is that he might just fins someone else anyway....I just woulnt put it past this sort, really. Do you want to be prompting action all the time?

ike1 · 17/02/2013 00:48

My bloody D is sticking....bastarding kids...

ike1 · 17/02/2013 00:49

ddedddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

VoiceofUnreason · 17/02/2013 00:53

ike - double dds are quite sufficient without that lot

Show was as village hall as we were warned. Ah well.

OP posts:
mercury7 · 17/02/2013 01:01

MsC, is it possible he likes having you on hand, waiting, just in case and to flatter his ego?
It sounds maddening!

ike1 · 17/02/2013 01:05

I dont mind a bit of Am Dram.....we all have to start somewhere. Went to see The Impossible crikey nora...being hit with an immense wall of water from nowhere ...hoe completely terrifying.

Yes the above looks like the name of a stop off at a small welsh train station

ike1 · 17/02/2013 01:06

how

VoiceofUnreason · 17/02/2013 01:10

ike - nor do I, done plenty myself. but this was pretty ropey (and they were charging £12). lighting, direction, set non-existent. some good singing and a couple of good performances made it bearable

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread