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Original poster

Here we go again. Dating thread 42

999 replies

VoiceofUnreason · 16/02/2013 16:42

Evening all. As you were.

OP posts:
mercury7 · 16/02/2013 21:34

if I was going to do it I'd charge for my services!
then at least I'd get something out of it

Snapespeare · 16/02/2013 21:38

Cheaper way of getting a web cam paid 'date'

Yuk. Horrible entitled behaviour.

I have been absolutely wiped out all day. This sex stuff takes it out of you when you get out of practice.... Nothing from nameless since obligatory morning text, but that's ok. No panic-until-Monday. (The other guy I slept with after the 4th date, around-about this time last year disappeared after the shagging. I'm pretty sure all will be well, but you know what the irrational stuff does when your hormones are all mad. )

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 21:38

Yes, Mercury it is disgusting unless it's mutual.

There a thought, getting paid, doubt I'd make much Grin.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 21:42

mercury that's awful. What astonishes me is that without your permission or invite, he gets his dick out. Yuk yuk.

Slap me please. Wet fish. So, fireman and me in daily communication mostly. A couple of texts, maybe more, some flirtatious etc. he phones me randomly. We make arrangements. We meet and have a brilliant time. Texting last night till late. Him saying he can't wait to see me Tuesday. He wanted to know what I'm doing for my birthday in march and whether I wanted to go to a gig.
Today....nothing. I text him around 6pm, just a quip about something. Nothing.
There is no way I'm going to text again. We are not at the stage yet whereby I know what he does on his time off. He's probably out.
I totally need a slap don't I?

JulietteMontague · 16/02/2013 21:45

Mercury yes a bf I told who's first language wasn't English said 'it's assault'. At first I thought he'd got the wrong word but he meant exactly that, and I think it is. In RL it would be a crime.

Snape remember this and consider that nameless probably can't even move today. His text this morning was so sweet, all is well Wink

JulietteMontague · 16/02/2013 21:46

Scatty you know where the big fish is, help yourself.

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 21:46

Scatty, he might be out and cannot reply. Do you know what the score is with him, does he want a relationship or a casual arrangement?

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 21:47

I wonder where it stands in law, exposure?

mercury7 · 16/02/2013 21:48

I guess it's on a par with flashing...then again so is sending unsolicited cock shots, in a way?

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 21:52

Yes, it's not assault but it's equivalent to flashing as are unsolicited cock shots. I doubt I would take issue with it but might be worth checking up on.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 21:54

Yes I was wondering where it stands in law.

scrazy I don't know where it stands. What I do know is this:
He never let's me down.
We went away last weekend and were laughing about a joke about someone seeing their boyfriend more than once a week. He then asked to see me Wednesday as he wanted to and says he was joking about the joke.
He has gone for a full sti screen without any prompting from me.
He told me his gets more fond of me every time he sees me.
But we never plan more than one week ahead. I am very reticent to do so after that conversation we had when he told me not to fall in love with him. I know it may sound silly but there must have been a reason for that (I haven't)

VelvetSpoon · 16/02/2013 21:54

Mercury, that's awful. Can't believe how some men behave!

Snape, all will be well. I promise :)

I do understand the slight nagging worry that it won't be though - a long time ago, I was dating this bloke for about 3/4 weeks, maybe 10 dates in total, we both lived with parents (this was pre DC) so when sex was on the cards he arranged for us to stay at a hotel overnight. All seemed fine, he dropped me home the next day. Amd I never heard from him again. I was really hurt, especially as he was only the second man I'd shagged and I thought it meant I was crap in bed :( that fear still plays on my mind to this day...and is why part of me is convinced the whole Cuthbert thibg is destined to die on its arse.

JulietteMontague · 16/02/2013 21:57

Mercury I agree, but I'm sure it would be seen as 'harmless' or that we had somehow invited it. When I was a child that flashers were deemed 'harmless'. My friend had a man call her over to his car across the road, and when she got there he was wanking in the driver's seat. Went to court, I can't remember the outcome but it was deemed a bit of fuss about nothing except for her age (about 11) and her Mum who went nuclear at the police station.

JulietteMontague · 16/02/2013 22:00

Scazy I'm not so sure, there is a shock factor and you are alone and in your home, it feels invasive. If you invited a man into your home and he then started wanking... I'd had an issue with it Grin.

VelvetSpoon · 16/02/2013 22:02

I'm not 100pc on the legal position (not my area of law) but I think that some sort of invitation argument would be used. All this stuff, skype, webcams etc is pretty recent, I think it will take the law a few years to catch up in any meaningful way. As juliette says, flashing 20 or so years ago wasn't taken seriously, yet now its seen as a gateway crime to other more serious assaults.

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:06

Oh Scatty be careful. Don't want to project but men tell you who they are quite quickly. The don't fall in love thing would worry me, along with I don't want anything heavy, I'm not wanting a committed relationship atm and all the other warnings that we hear.

They seem to think this lets them off the hook, you have agreed to go along with it and it absolves them of the responsibility for behaving badly.

We on the other hand, love being with them, think we can handle it but start falling for them, not always, I know. I've walked away from lots of men because I didn't have the right feelings but when we start angsting over the timing of texts etc, I think it tells that our feelings are stronger than we like to admit.

Keep talking, it's better in the long run than trying to be the cool girl when you recognise that you are starting to fall.

I know it's a case of nothing ventured nothing gained but I think women should question men more than we care to in case we here something we don't want to.

Hope I'm not being the messenger of doom on the thread.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 22:09

I think it's the shock of it being there in front of you! I'd go nuclear too

velvet you have hit the nail. We bring all this emotional history to every new situation. Being ignored or left out is a big thing for me as I was both at school. Not by everyone but I never got invited to the disco on Sunday and I really wanted to go. How do we break the cycle?

Movingforward123 · 16/02/2013 22:09

Juliette - it's bit that I want him to stop Grin I like it that he lasts for a long time, but I've only ever slept with one other person before that lasted that long, but as I knew he was crazy about me it was fine, but as its new with this guy, I just wonder that's all!

Also he has been very sweet to me so far Smile asked me out for valentines, when I said no offered to take me out another time, and when I said he can come over tonight, he text me to ask if he should bring anything? I'm just surprised that he is being such a gentleman! To look at him he doesn't seem like one atall Wink

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:10

'hear' not here.

Velvet, I agree that the law will be well behind this. It's tricky isn't it, as if you agree to skype someone that don't know well or at all then there is an invitation especially if you've 'met' on a dating site.

But then it's similar to saying don't invite strange men into your home as it's an invitation for what? Had a massive argument discussion with DD about this recently.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 22:17

scrazy not at all. The reason I'm reticent is exactly what you have written about. I'm quite annoyed about the whole 'don't fall in love with me' shite in that its inappropriate to tell me to moderate my feelings. I listened to that hard and that's sort of did it for me.
Fireman suits me at the moment and I don't think I'm developing too many feelings for him as I don't actually want to see him more often. What I like is something to look forward to and he provides this weekly with a few calls between. I've no desire to talk about my 'inner self' to him and he is so removed from my world that the escapism is lovely. If my work life was better I would be less attached to the escapism. But my work is totally awful and he breaks up my week.

SweetSeraphim · 16/02/2013 22:20

Snape! I am so glad last night went so awesomely GrinGrin He'll get in touch, I know you're not sweating it but you also are He really doesn't seem the type to fuck and run.

Mercury Shock Who the fuck do these men think they are?

mercury7 · 16/02/2013 22:26

can you believe web cam flasher has texted, first
'did I say the wrong thing..lolx'
and just now
'I apologise if I did something wrong? x'

I have not and will not reply...I'll just post it up on here!

VelvetSpoon · 16/02/2013 22:29

Scatty, breaking the cycle of past stuff influencing the here and now is bloody tough imo! The being dumped after sex thing whittles away at me, after that guy for a year all I had were ons so I didn't have to worry about it. And its part of the reason why I dived into past relationships, because the more we were an 'item' the less likely I thought it was I'd be dumped!

Was talking to my friend the other day, and telling her about Cuthbert, and my little worries about it, and she said that if he'd said that I was his girlfriend, or referred to it in any way as a relationship, or at least something more than casual dating, then I wouldn't be worried at all. And she is completely right - because in my head that would make a difference.

Stupid past experiences!!

Scrazy · 16/02/2013 22:30

Scatty, you sound self aware in this and from your last post it is exactly how I was with my ex. I didn't want more from him as he accused me of in the end, saw him once a week usually, sometimes more. Spoke daily, he wanted me this way but wanted to see all his other female friends. He was a looker so not short of them. I couldn't handle it so got out, hence being heart broken out of sorts ever since. We didn't have closure and it was great right up to the end. Bloody feelings eh Grin.

But yes, don't fall in love might be a pink flag and I'm glad you recognise it. Once they say this sort of thing then the weekends away, the lovely things they do for you it's all OK, because 'you know the score'.

Scattylatte · 16/02/2013 22:36

velvet sometimes I think we are too hard on ourselves. I often think why don't I just ask the questions I want the answers to? It's not like C or fireman are one date wonders and we are asking questions of people we don't know. Loads of men have asked me in the past about where the relationship is going, do I think it has potential and I've thought nothing of it. Yet I never ask myself and spend my whole time guessing.
That man who dumped you after sex was a impolite idiot