Here we go again. Dating thread 42

[VoiceofUnreason]

Evening all. As you were.

Oh Velvet forgot to say brilliant news about Cuthbert! Enjoy yourself tonight, not that you need any encouragement

Am back from night away. Cat was (loudly) pleased to see me. DC will appear back at some point - DD going to a friends house this morning and DS and I are going on a bike ride. It is darned cold but should warm us up

Had a bit of an odd night last night - we went out for curry (courtesy of group on voucher which is our general style where possible . Got back and went to bed and without going into too much detail sex wasn't exactly working. This happened quite a bit at the beginning of our relationship - I think it took Mr Nice a while to feel relaxed enough with me iyswim. And he always does great things to me but last night in particular I had the feelings of flogging a dead horse so to speak. As is my style I got upset and cried a bit. My brain decided translate it into our relationship isn't going anywhere .

The sex thing happened over the weekend as well. Anyone feel like thrusting a wet fish at me? I think we have a slight vicious circle problem now and don't know how to get out of it. Am feeling a bit :( and also a bit and a teeny bit frustrated too

Morning every

How old is Mr Nice Miranda? And does he do any exercise?

I say this because TR reckoned if he didnt do any exercise or had a night drinking he did not have such a vigorous hard on.

TR swam daily and did alot of cycling and took regular multi-vits etc. He felt exercise was key to stimulating blood flow to all areas, I have to admit there was more of an issue trying to keep his hard on down, however I have experienced your situation with other bfs.

Try not to worry..do suggest exercise.

Maybe Bant and Voice can give a male perspective?

You seem to have dropped off there kin...

it sounds very difficult Miranda, when things feel awkward and you feel upset it can be hard to be straight forward and matter of fact about things.

Sounds like he is having problems communicating exactly what the problem is with him..it might, as you say just be a vicious circle, where the problem is a minor thing which sort of feeds on itself

Morning everyone, fabulous news Kirsty and Velvet.

48, absolutely 100% what Juliette said. ^^^

Miranda, that particular issue ( if it's ED ) can be quite tricky to deal with in that it happens once, and then the man starts to fret about it happening again and actually causes it to happen.
I'm never sure which tactic is the best, whether you should play it down or not ( perhaps the blokes can help here ) but in my experience it has nothing to do with you/your attractiveness but to do with them worrying about themselves and their capacity to please you.

Ike he's 40 and doesn't drink much alcohol at all (most he ever drinks in one go is about a pint). Since meeting me he's taken up running - does 5k twice or three times a week.

There's other stuff like ex wife moving back up here and starting new job and things. Just want it to start working again (feel a bit selfish there - he is able to come but needs my manual stimulation). That at least did work this morning last night was a complete flop. In more ways than one.

Yeah, I did drop off, Ike, I'm on me phone ....

( In other news, Mr Software wants to paint a picture for me, he'd like me to suggest a subject ... Always so hard for me not to be immature. Sigh )

Hmmm ok Miranda it may well be more psychological then and as Merc suggests chatting in general about stuff and lowering pressure and expectation for a bit plus other froms of congress might help long term.

Does he know what you look like in RL Kin???

Basically in the first month or so of us having sex it was rather hit and miss and I was completely fine with it then as he does a lot of other very good things to me :) think that now things had got so much better and reliable I have become rather used to it and want it back!

Actually there is more thinking about it - before meeting me he used to use porn quite a bit. He stopped completely and sex improved. Then he said he looked at some stuff last week one time - am wondering if this could have had anything to do with it. We have talked quite a bit about it as well as me getting upset - we are good at talking :)

Am feeling better for letting it out on here :)

Am kind of wondering about just not trying to do anything to do with sex a bit but don't want to feel like I am giving up on him so to speak.

Its like willing yourself to orgasm as a female. Maybe tmi here but if I have too much to drink it is unlikely to happen for me because I cannot concentrate on what is happening. I guess the mental and physical aspects of sex are so very finely tuned it doesnt take much to tip the balance...

Miranda - that does sound pretty difficult. I am 100% sure it's nothing to do with you and how he feels about you, but it is so easy to assume it's happening because he's going off you or whatever. It sounds like he has been having a lot of stress recently with dealing with his ex and starting a new job. The problem is, the more he worries about it, the more pressure he's putting himself under and the more likely it is to happen again. I think there is a lot of good advice online about how to deal with this kind of situation, and there were a lot of TV adverts on over Christmas about it, so help is out there.

Mirands there you go ...maybe a bit too much self stimulation... he has got used to the feel of his own hand rather than the more ahem gentle stimulation of the POWAH OF THE VAGINA (as Snape would put it).

Hahahha, yes, Ike, we met at the National Portrait Gallery - are you envisioning a Leo di Caprio/Kate Winslet Titanic type thing ? That would make me laugh my arse off.

Miranda, I used to suggest we just restricted ourselves to kissing on the sofa/bed instead for a little while, it generally had the desired effect.

He did also say if it carried on he'd go and see the doctor. And I know he feels rubbish about the porn thing.

Have just looked at my television screen (is off). DS has drawn his Mexican robber drawing. There is slightly too much dust on there .

Think I will gently suggest just kissing (were still good at that at the moment )

viagra?

yeah Miranda and tell him to keep his 'hand on his hymn book' as my old nan would say (as opposed to on his todger) that might help too.

Ah kin...that's the gent....no I was thinking he could do you Mona Lisa stylee with a mysterious smile (nearly wrote smell)

That's me, Ike, 'Madonna with the Mysterious Smell ' .

I heartily recommend the kissing option, Miranda, I was convinced it was all psychological with the man in question. He did get some prescribed medication from his GP ( under his own volition - I thought it wasn't strictly necessary but it might put his mind at rest, knowing it was available to him ) but he was anxious about it all as with everyfuckingthing else

I understand the need to work on these problems but I think 'just kissing' would make me furious..I'd be tempted to ask him to provide a stand in, obviously that would be utterly unhelpful

Merc your getting all practical again...

the whole thing can be so difficult
were it not for my 'urges' ( ) I'd have no use for men and nothing to do with this whole stupid dating bollocks