Here we go again. Dating thread 42

[VoiceofUnreason]

Evening all. As you were.

this isn't FAIR velv. I hope you hear from cuthbert soon.

flipper yes, BBC penguins narrated by David Tennant. I have sat on the sofa with object of my affections watching flightless sea-fowl fucking. This is how I roll. we are now swapping texts giggling about the comedy-'doiiiiiiink!' Noise the penguins made when they fell over.

ike you asked up thread how old nameless is (33) and whether he knows I'm 45. He certainly does not! He thinks I'm 43. I see no point in correcting him. If it comes out I'll shrug and forget I said it. I think I can just about pass for 36 43. I don't think the age difference is that apparent, it's kind of there, but I don't really think about it... It freaked me out a bit a first, now it doesn't kind of exist...

Pan stick? Oh how 1950s.....

Voice Darling, you said it!

Sneaking in with a hug for velvet [hug]

Too much to catch up on, blimey.

Anyway I am back and erm I think ok? I don't really know where the fuck I am at the moment emotionally speaking but physically fine. Update on t'other thread.

Thank you everyone for your amazing support, by the way. All the pm messages and checking up on me throughout and all the messages of support. You're all lovely and I'm choked to know such lovely people who care.

Nest of vipers indeed. My left toe!

Hello Lubey, I'm glad that at the very least you're not feeling too bad physically.

If you could do with a laugh, the TMI thread on Chat had me crying with laughter last night.

Morning all!

Velvet, I don't know if it's simply a question of putting up with his communication style or lump it. All this stuff about asking for what we want, well I don't think it would be too major a compromise on his part to text back the same/next day, or to be in contact twice a week or whatever. But maybe he doesn't know that you want him to do this, so it could be worth saying it to him, asking for more regular contact and see what he says. I'm sure it will all be fine and that he'll be in touch soon, it's just the glacial speed of it all that I would find very difficult. I really have everything crossed that he comes through and you get some kind of mutually-satisfactory arrangements about communication and dates.

Ike the light is very far from dying! But let us know how the treatment goes. I'm very interested in the eye bag stuff (not that I could afford it, but it would be good to know that something could be done . . .). The Kid sounds fun!

Snape oh how lovely lovely lovely.

As for me, things are lovely, lovely, lovely too. Had a fantastic day out yesterday with LM, children and LM's mum. He is just gorgeous, find it difficult to keep my mitts off the bugger. (Probably he isn't really gorgeous objectively but I think he is. There is just something about him). And more importantly he's really good with the children, makes a real effort with dd (ds just joins in with the pack of little boys so he's fine). I think I get on well with his boys too, they seem really relaxed with me, tickling me and stuff like that so there's no problems there. I am amazed that all five of the children get on so well, but they do. Such a contrast to "family" days out with my ex which would end up with him stomping off or else sitting playing on his phone and ignoring everyone, refusing to take part in any of the activities, stropping about how much money we were spending, always walking a couple of metres ahead so he could pretend he wasn't with us. Dd said, "You really like LM, don't you? You go all giggly when you see him". Oh dear.

We are going to do grown-up things involving sex and alcohol on Friday. Can't wait. Sitting here at work having imaginings about it.

Velvet, My last one didn't contact me for a few days in the beginning so I flounced and told him I wanted daily contact, so he made sure he rang most days. There comes a point where lack of contact and dates isn't good enough unless you are willing to do casual and I know you are not so I would try telling him what you want to happen.

I'm going as a red indian girl woman. Quite looking forward to it.

OWW sounds - as you said - just lovely lovely lovely - am so very pleased for you

I have to say I agree with being upfront about needs within a burgeoning relationship. Having not done so in the early stages of a couple and having those very factors coming back to bite me on the arse, I'm more self-protecting now. I acknowledge it is tough when you really like someone, particularly when candidates are very thin on the ground, but ... I still believe in the "I'd rather be alone than with the wrong someone" mantra, which I accept is easier when you can do the FWB thing. Don't get me wrong, I long to have one someone special to lean on and love, but I couldn't tiptoe round anyone again, so I'm done with being the one who does all the accommodating ... and I say that as a long-standing pleaser! Velvet I hope so much that you can and do work things out with the lovely Cuthbert, but I hate seeing you like this.

Snape I see that there's been movie sex I am sooooooo and dead pleased too.

Voice if you're going to flounce properly, you need a swishy cape

In my news, I have a long weekend arranged in Devon to meet and get to know the lovely Harry (for that is his name). I have to attend a weekend workshop at college this weekend, or it would've been already on the horizon (damn training). I'm trying not to get too attached before we meet, but am already aware of an absurd smileyness when we talk and worse, that I'm not interested in arranging to see my regular FWBs [wet fish needed methinks].

To all daters dating, good luck, hope they turn out to be good 'uns

Joyless you don't need the wet fish! Just enjoy being smiley and happy. It sounds very promising with Harry - do you have long to wait for your long weekend?

Thanks OWW, not long, just long enough ... its the first weekend in March. We've also had the talk about expectations. From our conversations, we'll enjoy spending time together and if that's it ... no harm done, it'll have been a lovely weekend and a new friend made. I get the spare room, so no assumptions being made there either and I'm trying not to say anything in advance of that moment where we will rip each other's clothes off in front of the log fire should we fancy the arse off each other the stars be thus aligned

Oh returning to discussion earlier on the thread, I'm a Taurus, with Taurus rising and my moon is in Cancer. In Chinese horoscopes I'm a Rooster. Stubborn, opinionated ... moi?

JF, you're a double Taurus...I'd expect an uber stubborn person??

I find it a little weird, this demanding that someone contact you with a certain frequency...if someone that I was seeing did that I'd find it oppressive.

Obviously if you're not on the same page things aren't likely to work, but you cant make someone get on your page..can you?

Merc you can't make them . . . but you could ask them. And if it's not a big deal to them, and they want to make you happy, then why wouldn't they?

I probably just have an abnormally low need for human contact OWW

Mercury, to me it is a case that if they want me in their life they have to make an effort, as I would for that person, if they don't then fine, you cannot make someone want that but it's about reasonable communication.

I am kind of giving up with getting agitated about the texting stuff, but it is nice to hear off LM every other day or so. I do get in touch with him as well as him with me, and it seems to be finding a natural level that we are both happy with. I think it's more difficult early on when you don't actually know if you're in a relationship or whether they want to see you again or whatever, and being left without any communication for a long time when you're unsure of where things are going can make for an anxious time.

I quite like communicating with people, though. I like getting texts and FB messages from my friends as well as from LM. Sometimes I even phone people up and speak to them . It's nice to know people are thinking of me and I hope that they like to know I'm thinking of them. Most of them reply, anyway. I don't know any mad texters, though, so it's all kept within reason and isn't intrusive.

I spent quite a bit of time, when I think I was a bit depressed, avoiding talking to people, so I am really enjoying feeling a bit more sociable.

It's not that I disagree with you Scrazy, but the phrase 'make an effort' evokes (for me) something done out of duty.
If I feel drawn to someone then contacting them isnt an effort, it's something I instinctively want to do, and not doing it, or suppressing my urge, would be an effort.

We are sorting out bedrooms including moving stuff round. And putting things in the attic. Both DC being very good and useful and then on Saturday mr nice is going to make flat pack stuff to go in there :) we've started in DSs room which is bigger. DDs is a lot smaller and messier

Velvet does Cuthbert know you would like a relationship with him? Just wondering if he could possibly have missed that completely . Either way, if this set up isn't what you want then you can have a conversation with him about what you want and see what he wants. He will either step up or not. Being left hanging is not kind and if he can't see that then he is not worthy of you.

I just had a message out of nowhere from a 33 year old. "Good morning, excuse me, why do not some women accept my relationship offer if they are older than me?" Maybe the older laydeez are overwhelmed by the charm of his approach .

I currently have a games table in my room .

Miranda lucky you!

Scazy it's native american innit

Miranda - good luck with the sort out! My dd's room is messier than my ds's - but she has the bigger room which in reality just means more space to spread out the mess in. She still has all her furniture in the middle of the room, walls half decorated etc as she STILL hasn't stripped this bloody bit of wallpaper off. It's a stand-off. My mum's looking after them today and I've given her strict instructions not to do it for dd (but I bet she will).

Mercury - I like it when LM "makes an effort" for me. It means a lot if someone is prepared to put in time and thought to make things good for the the other person, rather than what can happen if people stop making the effort and become complacent and take each other for granted. I don't think it's done out of duty, it's done out of consideration and respect for the other person, and wanting to make them happy and for things to be good. The problem comes when it's one sided, and one person in the relationship is putting in a lot more effort than the other one, but when it's roughly equal on both sides then that can only be a good thing.

i guess it hinges on different interpretations of the phrase 'make an effort'
such is the endless ambiguity of language!

Its tricky...tbh although I like texting a lot, I am used to not hearing from him more than a couple of times a week. I could easily send 80-100 texts a day, I have in the past, but I actually quite like that this is more relaxed. BUT the not hearing from him coupled with not knowing when I will see him is niggling me a little. Not enough to make me sad, but enough that I am not entirely happy.

I need really to find out what he wants and what all of this is, then maybe things will be clearer. I honestly don't think he doesn't care - when I'm with him he acts like he does very much, I know he likes me, but we do need to talk. I just need to arrange to see him in order to do so!

I know what you mean velvet. I don't think he doesn't care either - this is his usual self it seems and I'm sure nothing to worry about. I would text and say hello and attempt to start planning the next date sometime soon-ish though.